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When Harry Met Sally Statement.

Started by Crow, January 06, 2016, 02:22:32 PM

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For those who don't know what the statement refers to here it is:

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Yesterday evening a friend pulled me up on texting, going out for food/drinks, speaking on the phone, crashing at their houses and other standard friend things with women who happen to also be in relationships with my other friends. It has bugged me a bit, actually quite a lot. I view them as close friends and the thought of sexual interaction rarely goes through my head and has never been a problem, some of which I have known for a decade and the boundaries of friendship have never changed even when I know they have cheated or are going to break up.

He thought it was inappropriate and I found it quite strange that some people still have a problem with this. I delved deeper and discovered they never had female mates, either growing up or now as an adult. But then I thought you know a lot of the same people that I do are you not friends with any of the females and was surprised to hear that he views them as an acquaintance. More surprised and slightly worried that his interactions are only to get something (sex or intimate relationship) and cuts links immediately if there is nothing to gain in those regards and views any unsuccessful attempts at a waste of his time. This also made it apparent that he has actively pursued friends partners in the past with gusto.

I have always had the stance that it is important to be welcoming and take the time to get to know a friends love interests if they are ready to introduce them. A couple where one side feels unwelcome quickly become distant, if you want to maintain contact with a friend whilst they are in that relationship then you have to treat the other person with the same regard you do your friend. Is it always smooth sailing? No, sometimes it can become tricky but easy to navigate around as you think with your head that is on your neck not the one between your legs.

What are other peoples experiences/position on this sort of thing. How do you feel when your significant other is friends with somebody of the opposite sex. Do you treat people in relationships differently than you would a single person, etc.
Retired member.


I always had a problem with that idea. I've never had a problem being friends with girls when I was a young lad or women when I got older. If a female is the SO of friends or family, then I do not think about them as anything other than a friend. Also, if a female lets me know that she is not interested in me "that way" I have no problem just being a friend.
Always question all authorities because the authority you don't question is the most dangerous... except me, never question me.