Happy Atheist Forum

General => Miscellaneous => Topic started by: MadBomr101 on May 10, 2020, 03:46:27 AM

Title: I've Been Touched by Jesus
Post by: MadBomr101 on May 10, 2020, 03:46:27 AM
He touched me in a very naughty place. I don't feel loved, just...violated. I think I should report this to the cops.

At least I'm saved now.

Post 9 of 25
Title: Re: I've Been Touched by Jesus
Post by: Old Seer on May 10, 2020, 05:26:56 AM
Did your IQ go up any?   ;)
Title: Re: I've Been Touched by Jesus
Post by: No one on May 10, 2020, 06:45:51 AM
That wasn't Jesus, it was Frank.
Frank has some issues. He's trying to work through them.
This is a major setback.
Title: Re: I've Been Touched by Jesus
Post by: MadBomr101 on May 10, 2020, 09:51:53 AM
Quote from: No one on May 10, 2020, 06:45:51 AM
That wasn't Jesus, it was Frank.

Wait...so I'm not saved?
Title: Re: I've Been Touched by Jesus
Post by: MadBomr101 on May 10, 2020, 09:58:33 AM
Quote from: Old Seer on May 10, 2020, 05:26:56 AM
Did your IQ go up any?   ;)

Right, like that's ever gonna be a thing.
Title: Re: I've Been Touched by Jesus
Post by: Old Seer on May 10, 2020, 02:33:29 PM
I thought there might be a surge of enlightenment giving me hope for the future if I get touched. But alas.
Title: Re: I've Been Touched by Jesus
Post by: xSilverPhinx on May 10, 2020, 02:43:39 PM
Quote from: MadBomr101 on May 10, 2020, 09:51:53 AM
Quote from: No one on May 10, 2020, 06:45:51 AM
That wasn't Jesus, it was Frank.

Wait...so I'm not saved?

:sadshake: Whatever Frank told you isn't true, MadBomr101.
Title: Re: I've Been Touched by Jesus
Post by: Asmodean on May 10, 2020, 04:59:46 PM
Quote from: MadBomr101 on May 10, 2020, 03:46:27 AM
He touched me in a very naughty place. I don't feel loved, just...violated. I think I should report this to the cops.
The (https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/Themes/default/images/Male.gif) symbol in your profile says "Not a crime." Unless of course you are powerful and/or rich and/or were a child at the time of the touching. In them cases, you totally ought to hashtag metoo Jesus into Republicanism.
Title: Re: I've Been Touched by Jesus
Post by: Dark Lightning on May 10, 2020, 11:47:57 PM
I know a guy who plays footy with Jesus at lunch time, where he works. Here in southern California there are hundreds of guys named Jesus. :smilenod:
Title: Re: I've Been Touched by Jesus
Post by: hermes2015 on May 11, 2020, 05:18:05 AM
The problem is that beard gives me a rash in inconvenient places.