What do you expect/want from the staff of the forum?

[The Black Jester]

I am not looking for symapthy or gushy posts urging me to stay, as I am not looking to leave.  Instead, I am asking for some guidance that goes beyond McQ's post, something I find hard to ask for.  Such guidance, I believe, will also benefit others.

You may, indeed, be overthinking this, TWC. And I suspect the fact of your concerns is evidence that you are not treading on toes in any real or subtantial way.   I have been such an irregular interlocutor here, that I am perhaps not the best person to respond.  In fact you may really have been looking for advice from the various moderators, but I would like to say that, having followed your posts thus far, I don't think I've seen anything that has stood out as offensive or unusually (for HAF) combative.  Your posts have seemed, to me, fairly exacting in their civility.  Things perhaps got a little tense with AD at one point, but I felt you were in the right in that instance.  Anyway, I look forward to seeing more of you around the forums, and I suspect you may find your comfort level fairly quickly.  

[McQ]

I have really thought about this, and I guess I just need some help in understanding what to do and not to do on this board.  Mind you, I read the rules thoroughly before I joined, and I have just reread them before posting.  I am afraid, though, that I am still unprepared for this board.

I take responsiblity for this, and I in no way blame the moderators or the written rules for anything I have said or done.  It has a lot to do with my personality and the reasons I use TheWalkingContradiction as my screen name.  I know the positive and negative things people in real life say about me.  As a compliment, people usually tell me I think in paragraphs instead of sentences and am the most well organized person they know.  They also praise my sincerity.  However, as a criticism, people tell me I am often too serious (despite my sense of humor and willingness to be the teacher who is class clown).  They also say I take too much to heart and get worked up too easily.

I was on an atheist board a while back--actually, more than one--and I guess I made a generic assumption about this board.  There, non-atheists were very aggressive in mocking atheists, and they were mocked in turn.  In many respects, being an atheist on that board was like being an aggressive Christian when I was younger; I had merely 'changed sides'.  I approached everything defensively and, when I had to, aggressively.  I have done the same here, and it has not been appreciated by the moderators at all.  The rules state that I should be civil to all and not feed the trolls, as did similar rules on my former board.  Yet, the rules there were only enforced arbitrarily, and I eventually left because I got tired of being picked apart by Christians.

I was also on a Chrisian board once, but that is a story for another time.  I was actually banned there--although I gained a friend, a conservative gay Christian, who felt I had been treated unfairly.  We have actually become good friends off the Internet, and even we laugh at how unlikely our friendship is.

That is an example of an instance where I can be the person I wish to be.  At most other times, I fall short.

Now here I am on The Happy Atheist.  I fear not only the Christians here, but also that I will continue to overstep and make more enemies than friends.  As a way to compensate for the red moderator voices directed at me, I have been hyper-posting on every conceivable topic and trying too hard, as if that will somehow ingratiate me to the folks here.  (I doubt it will.)

I won't lie and say that I agree with the way the moderators have assessed the situation, but I do know that moderation is necessary on a board like this--and that even if I don't agree it is in my best interests and those of others for me to get off my high horse and do what they say.  The comments about the moderators from longterm users on this thread have been overwhelmingly positive, so obviously something works here.

One of the moderators, McQ, wrote to me (publically) that, as a new member (parapharsing from memory here) I do not understand all of the nuances in communication on the board, the diverse personalities present here, and the reasons for specific types of moderation here.  As much as my ego would like to disagree, I know this is true.  

Maybe, then, I am asking for something more in the rules of or the board that will give me a working theory of all this.  (Let me admit here that I tend to overthink, overcompensate, and overdo.  That is the way my brain works.)

I am not looking for symapthy or gushy posts urging me to stay, as I am not looking to leave.  Instead, I am asking for some guidance that goes beyond McQ's post, something I find hard to ask for.  Such guidance, I believe, will also benefit others.

Below is my entire post, which you refer to. In bold is the reason why I wrote what I did about you being new. It was to give you the benefit of the doubt on being at a loss (or a disadvantage) on how to respond to members. Hope that helps clarify why I wrote that. You did not respond in that thread, so I assumed you had dropped the issue. Please feel free to ask questions or get clarification from me or any of the staff (or any of the members) whenever you want it.

Stick around, relax, just get into the flow of the forum. I'm sure you'll be a pro in no time!



First, welcome to the forum. Glad to have you here.

Second, you are very new here, and as such, don't yet have an undstanding of all the members, the nuances of how this forum works, and how it is moderated. So it's natural to be sort of at a loss at first with how to respond to members.

But let me give you my take so far on this issue, and you can take it for what it is worth. I have found AD to be honest, up front and (as a distinct minority here) someone who has had to put up with way more crap than you or most anyone else here. People have piled on him more than any member I can think of in this board's history, and he has done a better job of dealing with it than I would have.

In my opinion, you need to stop going back and forth with this and not fan the flames of the thread more than has been done. You received an honest opinion from AD. You don't have to like it, but he was not gloating or being disingenuous.

Take your time, don't parse every word or look for fights where they don't exist. I think you have gone too far with your assertion that AD has said anything that should make you feel "unsafe". That is tantamount to saying that he threatened you, and that did not happen.

Just relax and enjoy the forum. As has been said, this place isn't about gay or straight (or race, or anything other than atheist). And it is all-inclusive.

We all have to expect that some aspect of our lives don't meet with the approval of everyone. That's life. We deal with it every day as atheists (the most distrusted group in America).

Let's move on please, and just chill out.

[Tank]

TWC just be yourself there is no need to try and fit in by jumping through hoops, you just will if you want it. The mods are most likely cautious because you are a new member and got into a heated exchange rather quickly so their alarms went off. Just try and remember that its hard to gauge a persons true intent via the written word so always leave some room for misunderstanding intentions.

@TWC This is good advice.

[Tank]

TWC

Sit down (as in relax), take ten deep breaths, and chill.

You've found a good home here and you've found some good friends, you just may not know it yet; and neither do they. Nobody is going to pick on you, they're quite at liberty to pick at any opinions you express and assertions you make; so don't put too much emotion into what you write.

Just do your best to avoid conflict here, debate is not a requirement. If something ticks you off ignore it. Don't go in forums where you know content is going to annoy you. Stick to the trivial stuff. Post some silly stuff.

Come here to share you joy, not your aggravation and when you've settled in start with the tougher stuff; if you ever want to.

These aren't instructions from a mod but somebody who has far too much experience of atheist and theist forums over the last 6 years.

See this place as your oasis with a shady palm tree and enjoy relaxing here.

After all that's what this place is all about; being a Happy Atheist.

Chris

[DeterminedJuliet]

Do I need to bring back the mankinis? I'll do it!
Or have we moved on to catkinis, now?

[Crow]

Do I need to bring back the mankinis? I'll do it!
Or have we moved on to catkinis, now?

I think we're onto rednecks in speedos now.

[Amicale]

Do I need to bring back the mankinis? I'll do it!
Or have we moved on to catkinis, now?

Love it!! 

[Ali]

TWC - I'm not a mod, but if I can give my perspective, here it is:

We are a tight knit community with a relatively small core of regular posters.  As a result, we "know" each other fairly well (for the internet.)   Because of this, while we may get into debates (and even heated arguments from time to time) at the end of the day we still have an underlying respect and affection for each other that colors the overarching relationships.  We certainly don't always agree with each other, and you can bet that if you post something that someone disagrees with, they will call it out (because that's the kind of personality that makes people atheists in the first place, amiright? ) But that doesn't mean that we won't still like you and accept you for who you are. If you become a regular here, we may challenge you from time to time, but we'll also love you and support you and laugh with you.

Also, I would say that this board is about 75% silly goofing off, and 25% serious discussion.  So if you don't feel like getting into a serious discussion about something because you know it will upset you, there should still be about 40 other threads where you can admire cats in bikinis or post dirty jokes, or whatever.

[Buddy]

I think we're onto rednecks in speedos now.

[Tank]

I think we're onto rednecks in speedos now.

Russell Brand at 50

[Amicale]

TWC - I'm not a mod, but if I can give my perspective, here it is:

We are a tight knit community with a relatively small core of regular posters.  As a result, we "know" each other fairly well (for the internet.)   Because of this, while we may get into debates (and even heated arguments from time to time) at the end of the day we still have an underlying respect and affection for each other that colors the overarching relationships.  We certainly don't always agree with each other, and you can bet that if you post something that someone disagrees with, they will call it out (because that's the kind of personality that makes people atheists in the first place, amiright? ) But that doesn't mean that we won't still like you and accept you for who you are. If you become a regular here, we may challenge you from time to time, but we'll also love you and support you and laugh with you.

Also, I would say that this board is about 75% silly goofing off, and 25% serious discussion.  So if you don't feel like getting into a serious discussion about something because you know it will upset you, there should still be about 40 other threads where you can admire cats in bikinis or post dirty jokes, or whatever.

Very well said!

I like to think I contribute heavily to the 75% silly goofing off.  I'll take a cat in a bikini anyday!

Seriously though, I really hugely appreciate this place and the people here because it just feels very comfortable. Homey, really - kinda like how some people argue and debate relatives, but at the end of the day they can all plunk down and joke around or watch a movie together.  I genuinely appreciate the folks here, members and mods, and even though there's the odd flare-up and we get told to knock it off and quit being brats  it's generally the support, friendship and laughter that win out here. And there really IS friendship here - we get to know each other, and respect and care about each other. Even Asmo does, I daresay, and he's our resident Grumpy Lumpy. 

TWC, I think you fit in here just great. I'm glad you're here. I'm really looking forward to knowing you better.

[DeterminedJuliet]

Asmo's a regular ol' pussycat 

[Crow]

Russell Brand at 50

Lol

[Tank]

Russell Brand at 50

Lol

I see it took somebody from the UK to spot that

[Buddy]

Russell Brand at 50

Lol

I see it took somebody from the UK to spot that

Oh I got it, I was just to busy gouging my eyes out with a rusty spoon.