Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[OldGit]

[Guardian85]

A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith for advice about breast enlargements. He told her, "Every day when you get out of the shower, rub the top of your nipples and say, 'Scooby dooby dooby, I want bigger boobies.' " She did this every day faithfully. After several months, it worked! She grew great boobs! One morning she was running late, and in her rush to leave for work, she realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. At this point she loved her boobs and didn't want to lose them, so she got up in the middle of the bus and said, "Scooby dooby
dooby, I want bigger boobies." A guy sitting nearby asked her, "Do you go to Dr. Smith by any chance?" "Why yes, I do. How did you know?" The man stood up and cupped his balls and said, "Hickory dickory dock..."

[joeactor]

on the same theme as OG:

[Biggus Dickus]

Why do sailors keep marines onboard their ships?
Because they are easier to care for than sheep.

I was going to enlist in the Marines before I joined the Army, but I failed the physica. Couldn't get my head out of the jar.

[Guardian85]

Why do sailors keep marines onboard their ships?
Because they are easier to care for than sheep.

I was going to enlist in the Marines before I joined the Army, but I failed the physica. Couldn't get my head out of the jar.

Muscles Are Required Intelligence Not Essential. 

[Saspian]

It's the Roman Games round 200CE and a little boy is crying.
"Don't be upset dear" says his Mum "the lions aren't hurting the Christians too much".
"Its not that" wails the kid, "one lion hasn't got a Christian"

[Tank]

It's the Roman Games round 200CE and a little boy is crying.
"Don't be upset dear" says his Mum "the lions aren't hurting the Christians too much".
"Its not that" wails the kid, "one lion hasn't got a Christian"

LOL! That's evil.

[Tank]

[Tank]

[Asmodean]

I thought air force was not essential to their military doctrine..?

[Tank]

[Biggus Dickus]

Mississipi jokes.
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Mississippi burned down?
It almost took out the whole trailer park.

What's the most popular pick up line in Mississippi?
Nice tooth!

Why are there so many unsolved murders in Mississippi?
There are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA.

Why do folks from Mississippi go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
17 and under are not admitted.

And my favorite.

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on.

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them
say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come
together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again. I
come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
In this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex
lives, "
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell *'Mississippi'."

[Guardian85]

[Tank]

[Crow]

Four Lions is a brilliant film. Satire at its best.