Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Tank]

[Asmodean]

The lack of punctuation at the end of the command on line 3 should have thrown an error that needed to be corrected before he would have been able to execute.

No manner of semicolons after string declarations. How is an Asmo even to understand that?! 

[Guardian85]

This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster. The other farmer says, "Yeah, I've got this great rooster, named Randy; he'll service every chicken you've got. No problem."

Well , Randy the rooster is a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So , he buys Randy. The farmer takes Randy home and sets him down in the barnyard, giving the rooster a pep talk, " Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here and you cost me a lot of money and I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said with a chuckle.

Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer points towards the hen house and Randy took off like a shot ~WHAM~ He nails every hen on there THREE or FOUR times and the farmer is just shocked. Randy runs out of the hen house and sees a flock of geese down by the lake ~WHAM~ He gets all the geese. Randy's up in the pigpen. He's in with the cows. Randy is jumping on every animal the farmer owns.

The farmer is distraught, worried that his expensive rooster won't even last the day. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day to find Randy dead as a doorknob in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead.

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful animal , shakes his head and says, "Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself." Randy opens one eye, nods towards the sky and say's , "Shhh. They're getting closer...."

[Tom62]

The lack of punctuation at the end of the command on line 3 should have thrown an error that needed to be corrected before he would have been able to execute.

No manner of semicolons after string declarations. How is an Asmo even to understand that?! 

And no proper indentation either! 

[Tank]

Proof that pedants with mild OCD make the best programers.

[Asmodean]

The lack of punctuation at the end of the command on line 3 should have thrown an error that needed to be corrected before he would have been able to execute.

No manner of semicolons after string declarations. How is an Asmo even to understand that?! 

And no proper indentation either! 

I am disturbingly used to that at this point :-(

[Tank]

[Magdalena]

^ ^ ^
That's funny! 

[Guardian85]

Every night after dinner, Harry took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening there and always arrive home, well inebriated, around midnight each night. He usually had trouble getting his key to fit the keyhole and couldn't get the door open. And, every time this happened, his wife would go to the door and let him in. Then, she would proceed to yell and scream at him for his constant nights out and coming home in a drunken state. But, Harry still continued his nightly routine.

One day, the distraught wife was talking to a friend about her husband's behavior. The friend listened and suggested, "Why don't you treat him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words and welcome him home with a kiss? Then, he might change his ways." The wife thought that this might be a good idea.

That night, Harry took off again after dinner. And, at about midnight, he arrived home in his usual condition.
His wife heard him at the door. She quickly opened it and let Harry in. Instead of berating him as she had always done, this time she took his arm and led him into the living room. She sat Harry down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the foot stool, and took his shoes off. Then, she went behind him and started to cuddle him a little. After a short while, she whispered to Harry, "It's pretty late, dear. I think we should go upstairs to bed now, don't you think?"

Harry replied in his inebriated state, "Heck, I guess we might as well. I'll get in trouble when I get home anyway!"

[Essie Mae]

Little Johnny was playing outside in the garden one day when he pulled a worm from
it's wormhole. Johnny's grandfather, who had seen the whole incident approached
Johnny with a devious grin upon his face. He placed a $10 bet with Johnny that Johnny
wouldn't be able to put the wriggly worm back into it's hole. Johnny gleefully accepted
the wager and proceeded to the house with the worm in his hand. It wasn't long until
Johnny came back from inside the house and carefully threaded the worm back into it's hole.
His grandfather gazed in awe at this amazing feat and told Johnny that he would give him
the $10 if Johnny explained to him exactly how he managed to thread the worm back into it's hole.
Johnny proceeded to tell his grandfather about how he sneaked into his sister's room
and covered the worm with his sisters hair spray until the worm was rock hard so that
he could simply thread the worm back into it's hole.

His grandfather duly honored his word and handed the money over to Johnny.

The next morning Johnny was out playing in the garden again when his grandfather
gleefully approached him and handed him a crisp ten dollar bill, but Johnny being the
honest young lad that he was, handed the money back to his grandfather and told
his grandfather that he had already paid him yesterday.

His grandfather replied; "Yes but this is from your grandmother".

It took me a while ......

[Magdalena]

Proof that pedants with mild OCD make the best programers.

I'm surprised they haven't complained about how you wrote programer instead of programmer (both are correct). I'm also shocked that they haven't said anything about the capital letters, and the excessive use of the exclamation mark to indicate shouting on the last sentence. One should've been enough to indicate the strong feeling behind the statement. I'm guilty of doing the same thing--sometimes. The joke says, "Bring six eggs." There's only four in the picture.

I'm not one of those pedants with mild OCD, or a programer, but all these things are obvious...right?    Yes?  No?


Oh, my Asmo! Being a programmer is not contagious...is it?

[jumbojak]

Check your temperature.

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