Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Tom62]

After getting nailed by the Special Forces, Osama Bin Laden made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.

"How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face. Patrick Henry comes up from behind: "You wanted to end the Americans' liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama on the nose. James Madison comes up next, and says, "This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a large weight on Osama's knee.

Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe and 65 other 18th-century American revolutionaries. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged.

As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams, "This is not what I was promised!"

An angel replies: "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?"

[Icarus]

Toms Joke.     

[Guardian85]

Shamelessly stolen from Robin Williams. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhmwcmOPemk

[Guardian85]

[Asmodean]

Thing is though, we were. We just didn't live in quite as safety-obsessed a society. I blame mass media.

[Biggus Dickus]

Get it?

[Ali]

I'm a big fan of the Oxford comma.

[Marvin]

Get it?

If it is going be taken that JFK and Stalin are strippers in the second instance, why would a comma be used at all?

[Asmodean]

I could explain it, but I'd probably make a mess of my terminology.

[Biggus Dickus]

I think the stripper Stalin looks kinda sexy.

[Tank]

A 12 year old boy gets run over by a Truck outside St Marys Cathedral and is at deaths door. A passer bye cradles him in his arms and asks, "Would you like me to get you a Priest Sonny?", The Wee Boy says. "I'm Dying mister, sex is the last thing on my mind".

[Ali]

I think the stripper Stalin looks kinda sexy.

I prefer JFK. His hair do is quite Miley-esque.

[Biggus Dickus]

I think the stripper Stalin looks kinda sexy.

I prefer JFK. His hair do is quite Miley-esque.

Yeah, and I am not crazy at all about the Stalin's mustache, just doesn't do it for me, but JFK's hips are too flat. Stalin has got some curves going on.

[OldGit]

Stalin was only about 5' 2".

[Ali]

I don't know why, but I love the idea of lording my outlandish 5'7 (joke, I know that's not that tall compared to SOME people) height over Joseph Stalin. Like, "Oh, here Stalin, let me get that pitcher off the top shelf for you. No, no, don't pull up a chair! I got it!"