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Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

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Sweetdeath

Haha, the OCD one is pretty amusing.





:< :<! I hope this isn't real. *sobbing* I.Q SCREENING BEFORE BREEDING should be a motto we can apply to everyone.
Law 35- "You got to go with what works." - Robin Lefler

Wiggum:"You have that much faith in me, Homer?"
Homer:"No! Faith is what you have in things that don't exist. Your awesomeness is real."

"I was thinking that perhaps this thing called God does not exist. Because He cannot save any one of us. No matter how we pray, He doesn't mend our wounds.

Asmodean

I can practically see the kid being bullied into suicide before finishing kindergarten
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

Amicale

Quote from: Asmodean on February 01, 2013, 08:59:50 PM
I can practically see the kid being bullied into suicide before finishing kindergarten

Well, thankfully most kindergarteners wouldn't know what the word meant - and maybe not most young grade schoolers. By the kid got to 6th or 7th grade though, they'd be doomed!

Then again, celebrities have named their kids all kinds of odd things - Moonbeam, Camera, Puma, Blue Ivy, Kal-el (that one's Nick Cage's kid, and Superman's birth name if my source is correct, ha), Banjo, and perhaps my 'favourite' - Penn Jillette's daughter, Moxie Crime-Fighter.

http://www.infoplease.com/spot/celebrity-baby-names.html - some of these are good for a chuckle, as this is the joke thread!


"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan

jumbojak

Quote from: Amicale on February 01, 2013, 09:10:42 PM
Quote from: Asmodean on February 01, 2013, 08:59:50 PM
I can practically see the kid being bullied into suicide before finishing kindergarten

Well, thankfully most kindergarteners wouldn't know what the word meant - and maybe not most young grade schoolers. By the kid got to 6th or 7th grade though, they'd be doomed!

Then again, celebrities have named their kids all kinds of odd things - Moonbeam, Camera, Puma, Blue Ivy, Kal-el (that one's Nick Cage's kid, and Superman's birth name if my source is correct, ha), Banjo, and perhaps my 'favourite' - Penn Jillette's daughter, Moxie Crime-Fighter.

http://www.infoplease.com/spot/celebrity-baby-names.html - some of these are good for a chuckle, as this is the joke thread!

The host of The Youg Turks named his son Prometheus Maximus. That's my all time favorite.

"Amazing what chimney sweeping can teach us, no? Keep your fire hot and
your flue clean."  - Ecurb Noselrub

"I'd be incensed by your impudence were I not so impressed by your memory." - Siz

Sweetdeath

 :o :o wow... what...

I...dont understand people. *slinks back into the darkness of my bedroom*
Law 35- "You got to go with what works." - Robin Lefler

Wiggum:"You have that much faith in me, Homer?"
Homer:"No! Faith is what you have in things that don't exist. Your awesomeness is real."

"I was thinking that perhaps this thing called God does not exist. Because He cannot save any one of us. No matter how we pray, He doesn't mend our wounds.

Amicale



"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan

jumbojak


"Amazing what chimney sweeping can teach us, no? Keep your fire hot and
your flue clean."  - Ecurb Noselrub

"I'd be incensed by your impudence were I not so impressed by your memory." - Siz

Sweetdeath

Law 35- "You got to go with what works." - Robin Lefler

Wiggum:"You have that much faith in me, Homer?"
Homer:"No! Faith is what you have in things that don't exist. Your awesomeness is real."

"I was thinking that perhaps this thing called God does not exist. Because He cannot save any one of us. No matter how we pray, He doesn't mend our wounds.

Tank

If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Guardian85

A retired gentlemen went into the social security office to apply for Social Security.

After waiting in line a long time he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "Will I have to go home and come back now?" he asks. The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt."

So he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed his Social Security application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too."


"If scientist means 'not the dumbest motherfucker in the room,' I guess I'm a scientist, then."
-Unknown Smartass-

Tank

If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Asmodean

I don't get it. Is there a hint of a reason in that pic?  ???
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

Ihateyoumike

Prayers that need no answer now, cause I'm tired of who I am
You were my greatest mistake, I fell in love with your sin
Your littlest sin.

joeactor


Ihateyoumike

Prayers that need no answer now, cause I'm tired of who I am
You were my greatest mistake, I fell in love with your sin
Your littlest sin.