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Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

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En_Route

Quote from: jumbojak on December 11, 2012, 01:53:46 PM
Quote from: OldGit on December 11, 2012, 10:02:39 AM
Quote from: original_genderSo uh, a priest, a pedophile and a rapist walks into a bar and orders a drink.

LOL!

It has been determined that the most used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position.

The husband sits up and begs.

The wife rolls over and plays dead.


Good one OG. I've never been married but have many friends who can attest to this fact.


They only say that to make you feel better. Take it from me. marriage is the passport to boundless sex
of accumulating ingenuity and kinkiness.
Some ideas are so stupid only an intellectual could believe them (Orwell).

OldGit

Quote from: E_RTake it from me. marriage is the passport to boundless sex of accumulating ingenuity and kinkiness.

Until the wife finds out.

Tank

If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Tom62

Quote from: OldGit on December 11, 2012, 10:02:39 AM
It has been determined that the most used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position.

The husband sits up and begs.

The wife rolls over and plays dead.

Yep, that is true and it reminds me of the next joke.

Q: Which food hugely diminishes a woman's libido?
A: The wedding cake
The universe never did make sense; I suspect it was built on government contract.
Robert A. Heinlein

OldGit


Amicale

Merrily Inappropriate Christmas Decorations - NSFW!!

Here's one of the tamer ones:

Look, perfect for baby-eating atheists: it's a pre-cut atheist-friendly baby tree out of your best dreams or worst nightmares, depending on who you are...



"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan

Amicale



"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan

jumbojak

Quote from: Amicale on December 11, 2012, 08:22:49 PM
Merrily Inappropriate Christmas Decorations - NSFW!!

Here's one of the tamer ones:

Look, perfect for baby-eating atheists: it's a pre-cut atheist-friendly baby tree out of your best dreams or worst nightmares, depending on who you are...



It took me a second to realize what the last one was.

"Amazing what chimney sweeping can teach us, no? Keep your fire hot and
your flue clean."  - Ecurb Noselrub

"I'd be incensed by your impudence were I not so impressed by your memory." - Siz

Amicale

If you mean the last picture on page 3, then it's funny that it took you a bit. :D

Isn't that sort of activity common over there? ;)


"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan

jumbojak

Quote from: Amicale on December 11, 2012, 11:59:43 PM
If you mean the last picture on page 3, then it's funny that it took you a bit. :D

Isn't that sort of activity common over there? ;)

Hang on, there are three pages?! ...

Those were good, but I was talking about the last one on page one.

"Amazing what chimney sweeping can teach us, no? Keep your fire hot and
your flue clean."  - Ecurb Noselrub

"I'd be incensed by your impudence were I not so impressed by your memory." - Siz

Amicale

Rofl! That makes what I said even funnier... Well, I'm sure THAT is common there too! ;)


"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan

jumbojak

Quote from: Amicale on December 12, 2012, 12:07:28 AM
Rofl! That makes what I said even funnier... Well, I'm sure THAT is common there too! ;)

Not in the front yard it's not! ;)

"Amazing what chimney sweeping can teach us, no? Keep your fire hot and
your flue clean."  - Ecurb Noselrub

"I'd be incensed by your impudence were I not so impressed by your memory." - Siz

Amicale

Quote from: jumbojak on December 12, 2012, 12:09:51 AM
Quote from: Amicale on December 12, 2012, 12:07:28 AM
Rofl! That makes what I said even funnier... Well, I'm sure THAT is common there too! ;)

Not in the front yard it's not! ;)

:D Oh great, let's hope nobody has an open view into their neighbour's back yard. ;)


"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan

original_gender

Quote from: OldGit on December 11, 2012, 05:04:10 PM
Quote from: E_RTake it from me. marriage is the passport to boundless sex of accumulating ingenuity and kinkiness.

Until the wife finds out.


Amicale

Found on Facebook:

The other night I was invited out for a night with the "girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realising my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him "MIDNIGHT"... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh shit" Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.


"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan