Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

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Tank

If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

jumbojak

^^ I just looked up the grumpy cat and found out his name is Tard. :)

"Amazing what chimney sweeping can teach us, no? Keep your fire hot and
your flue clean."  - Ecurb Noselrub

"I'd be incensed by your impudence were I not so impressed by your memory." - Siz

Amicale



"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan

Tank

If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Claireliontamer

Why did the chicken cross the road?



Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads.

Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road? But is rather, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Heisenberg: Because the chicken is moving very fast, you can either observe the
chicken or you can measure its speed, but you cannot do both.

Jean Foucault:  It didn't. The rotation of the earth made it appear to cross.

Galileo: To get a better look at the stars.

Ohm: There was more resistance on this side of the road.

Pascal: It was pressured to cross the road.

Volta: The other side had more potential.

Hawking: There exist numerous parallel universes in which the same chicken is in differing stages of crossing the road.  Only when one of the chickens has completed crossing the road do their wave functions coallesce.

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Buckminister Fuller: Because we have not yet designed and implemented true, constantly forwardly/backwardly evolving, energy-transforming living machines which will enable us to perform all functions from the informedly turbining hub of a single autonomous in-spiralling/out-radiating network of space-connected information vector transforms. Had the chicken been
supplied with my Dymaxion Tensegrity Coop, it would have remained at home, un-tempted by such risky spatial-temporal translations.

Grandpa: In our days, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

joeactor


Tank

If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

OldGit


OldGit


Amicale



"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan

jumbojak


"Amazing what chimney sweeping can teach us, no? Keep your fire hot and
your flue clean."  - Ecurb Noselrub

"I'd be incensed by your impudence were I not so impressed by your memory." - Siz

Amicale



"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan

Amicale



"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan

Claireliontamer


jumbojak

Quote from: Claireliontamer on November 27, 2012, 03:07:43 PM
Quote from: jumbojak on November 27, 2012, 01:24:24 PM
Quote from: Amicale on November 27, 2012, 01:20:04 PM
Found on facebook: awesome.



Who you gonna' call?

That has given me a fantastic idea!

Are you going to dress the scamp up as the statue of liberty and shoot a scene of her walking in NYC

"Amazing what chimney sweeping can teach us, no? Keep your fire hot and
your flue clean."  - Ecurb Noselrub

"I'd be incensed by your impudence were I not so impressed by your memory." - Siz