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Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

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Tom62

How do you make a German chocolate cake?
First, you occupy the kitchen.

Do you know why Germans build such high-quality products?
So they won't have to go around being nice while they fix them.
The universe never did make sense; I suspect it was built on government contract.
Robert A. Heinlein

joeactor

... went to a German/Chinese fusion restaurant last night - an hour later I was hungry for power...

Tom62

Quote from: joeactor on May 16, 2012, 02:39:54 PM
... went to a German/Chinese fusion restaurant last night - an hour later I was hungry for power...
Looks like that you found the same website as I did  ;D
The universe never did make sense; I suspect it was built on government contract.
Robert A. Heinlein

Siz


When one sleeps on the floor one need not worry about falling out of bed - Anton LaVey

The universe is a cold, uncaring void. The key to happiness isn't a search for meaning, it's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually you'll be dead!

Hector Valdez

Yo mama so fat, the doctor said, "We can rebuild her.
SHIT!! We need a construction permit!!"

technolud

A polish joke from the cold war era: (from Poland)

A  polish fellow is riding his bike home after work and comes to a check point manned by two Russian soldiers.   They ask him for his papers and after inspecting him the first soldier shoots the bicycle rider in the head, killing him.  The second soldier asked why he did that.  The first soldier replied, he lives in Warsaw, thats at least a 50 minute bike ride and curfew begins in 20 minutes.




philosoraptor

"Come ride with me through the veins of history,
I'll show you how god falls asleep on the job.
And how can we win when fools can be kings?
Don't waste your time or time will waste you."
-Muse

ibm

This one is from the 1960s, a French joke, at a time when the French and the English teens of a village would not speak to each other:

Q: Why are there the letters "ON" printed on every electrical switches in a house.
A: Because only English people do not know when a light is turned on.

OldGit

Did you hear about the new French battle-tank?  One forward gear and five reverse.

Asmodean

Quote from: OldGit on May 20, 2012, 10:24:45 AM
Did you hear about the new French battle-tank?  One forward gear and five reverse.
Makes sense, seeing how tanks are a bit like Porsches - one end is a tracer copy of the other.  :D
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

Siz


Quote from: OldGit on May 20, 2012, 10:24:45 AM
Did you hear about the new French battle-tank?  One forward gear and five reverse.

:D

Reminds me of the plan in 1943 to revise the Italian flag to a white cross on a white background...

When one sleeps on the floor one need not worry about falling out of bed - Anton LaVey

The universe is a cold, uncaring void. The key to happiness isn't a search for meaning, it's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually you'll be dead!

Asmodean



Like this..? Or just by using different shades of white?
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

Siz

Quote from: Asmodean on May 20, 2012, 05:42:52 PM


Like this..? Or just by using different shades of white?

Remove the lines and... perfect!

Most hankies would do... preferably waved from the muzzle of an M91 assault rifle.

When one sleeps on the floor one need not worry about falling out of bed - Anton LaVey

The universe is a cold, uncaring void. The key to happiness isn't a search for meaning, it's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually you'll be dead!

Asmodean

You can not see the cross then  ???

Would have to at least use different material, like silk for the cross and cotton for the rest, perhaps? Or one could surface the cross differently than the rest, I suppose...  ???
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

Siz


When one sleeps on the floor one need not worry about falling out of bed - Anton LaVey

The universe is a cold, uncaring void. The key to happiness isn't a search for meaning, it's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually you'll be dead!