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Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

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Tom62

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, it is a hardware problem.
One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down.
Five. Two to write the specification program, one to screw it in, and two to explain why the project was late.
The universe never did make sense; I suspect it was built on government contract.
Robert A. Heinlein

Asmodean

Pfft! How inefficient! Only takes one Asmo to explain why project be late.  ::)
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

joeactor

Quote from: technolud on May 14, 2012, 09:34:03 PM
There are only 10 types of people in the world. Those that understand binary and those that don't.

... there are two types of people in the world - those that divide the world into two types, and...

Amicale

Quote from: joeactor on May 14, 2012, 10:56:18 PM
Quote from: technolud on May 14, 2012, 09:34:03 PM
There are only 10 types of people in the world. Those that understand binary and those that don't.

... there are two types of people in the world - those that divide the world into two types, and...

;) There really are only two types of people, though. Those who are alive, and those who aren't.

I spend a good portion of my time researching the ones who aren't. I wonder what that says about me...  :D


"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan

technolud

QuoteThere really are only two types of people, though. Those who are alive, and those who aren't.

I spend a good portion of my time researching the ones who aren't. I wonder what that says about me...

Uh...... your alive?

Amicale

Quote from: technolud on May 15, 2012, 12:37:28 AM
QuoteThere really are only two types of people, though. Those who are alive, and those who aren't.

I spend a good portion of my time researching the ones who aren't. I wonder what that says about me...

Uh...... your alive?

I meant, some people prefer interacting primarily with the living. I do too, but I LOVE history and one of my favourite pastimes is to get lost in the library archives for hours on end, reading about people who most people have completely, entirely forgotten. Maybe it's my way of trying to not let them fade into history, I dunno.


"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan

technolud

Noted.  Remind me not to argue about some obscure 16th century minor lord with you.  Sure to lose.

Amicale

Why were the early days of history called the dark ages? 
Because there were so many knights. 

How was the Roman Empire cut in half? 
With a pair of Caesars.

;D


"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan

Tom62

The universe never did make sense; I suspect it was built on government contract.
Robert A. Heinlein

technolud

I must give credit where credit is due.  Atheists tell some of the worst jokes I've ever heard.

Asmodean

Quote from: Amicale on May 14, 2012, 11:00:15 PM
I spend a good portion of my time researching the ones who aren't.

As it turns out, currently, so am I.
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

Tank

Quote from: technolud on May 15, 2012, 08:41:11 PM
I must give credit where credit is due.  Atheists tell some of the worst jokes I've ever heard.
I accept your accolade with pride  :D
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Guardian85

A patient awakened after a serious operation only to find herself in a room with all the blinds drawn. Why are all the blinds closed?" she asked her doctor. Well, the surgeon responded, "They're fighting a huge fire across the street, and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation had failed."


"If scientist means 'not the dumbest motherfucker in the room,' I guess I'm a scientist, then."
-Unknown Smartass-

Amicale

Quote from: Guardian85 on May 15, 2012, 11:11:47 PM
A patient awakened after a serious operation only to find herself in a room with all the blinds drawn. Why are all the blinds closed?" she asked her doctor. Well, the surgeon responded, "They're fighting a huge fire across the street, and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation had failed."

LOL!  :D I like that one, I hadn't seen it before.


"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan

Buddy

Strange but not a stranger<br /><br />I love my car more than I love most people.