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Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

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Amicale

Quote from: Tank on May 10, 2012, 08:35:01 PM
Quote from: Amicale on May 10, 2012, 08:33:58 PM
Quote from: Tank on May 10, 2012, 07:45:51 PM
^^^ Now if a man posted that it would be considered sexist  ;D

:D On the other hand, I can vouch for it being true, and I can vouch for many women using this language with men as well as other women. ;) The only difference is that when I use any of these with another woman, she KNOWS what they mean.  ;D
See! See! I allway knew they had a secret code language!!!

We sure do! Unfortunately for you menfolks, those few examples are just the "lite" version of our language. The rest of it, you'll have to decipher over several decades of being around women, I suspect. Even I am constantly learning new bits of our code.


"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan

Bibliofagus

From my roommate who has some odd sense of humor. I do not necessarily agree to what I'm about to say but I don't know any other joke.

"They say there's safety in numbers, say that to the 6 million jews!" Badum-tss!!

No? Yes? Whatever...

Amicale

Quote from: Bibliofagus on May 10, 2012, 08:38:09 PM
From my roommate who has some odd sense of humor. I do not necessarily agree to what I'm about to say but I don't know any other joke.

"They say there's safety in numbers, say that to the 6 million jews!" Badum-tss!!

No? Yes? Whatever...

No for me personally. I don't mind off-colour jokes, per se, but not that sort. Ah well, you tried.


"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan

Ali

Quote from: Amicale on May 10, 2012, 08:49:50 PM
Quote from: Bibliofagus on May 10, 2012, 08:38:09 PM
From my roommate who has some odd sense of humor. I do not necessarily agree to what I'm about to say but I don't know any other joke.

"They say there's safety in numbers, say that to the 6 million jews!" Badum-tss!!

No? Yes? Whatever...

No for me personally. I don't mind off-colour jokes, per se, but not that sort. Ah well, you tried.

Yeah, as heee-larious as the Holocaust was (/sarcasm) this one didn't really tickle my funny bone. 

Anti-antidisestablishmentarianism

Quote from: Amicale on May 10, 2012, 08:36:27 PM
Quote from: Tank on May 10, 2012, 08:35:01 PM
Quote from: Amicale on May 10, 2012, 08:33:58 PM
Quote from: Tank on May 10, 2012, 07:45:51 PM
^^^ Now if a man posted that it would be considered sexist  ;D

:D On the other hand, I can vouch for it being true, and I can vouch for many women using this language with men as well as other women. ;) The only difference is that when I use any of these with another woman, she KNOWS what they mean.  ;D
See! See! I allway knew they had a secret code language!!!

We sure do! Unfortunately for you menfolks, those few examples are just the "lite" version of our language. The rest of it, you'll have to decipher over several decades of being around women, I suspect. Even I am constantly learning new bits of our code.
When I was in high school there were two hot popular girls. They think they were smart because they had their own language.  The they did was spell out the words using the first letter and adding ob.  I figured it out in under a minute and freaked them out by joining the conversation.  Yep that was the highlight of my years in high school  :'(
"All murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets." -Voltaire
"By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out". Richard Dawkins

DeterminedJuliet

Quote from: Amicale on May 10, 2012, 08:36:27 PM
Quote from: Tank on May 10, 2012, 08:35:01 PM
Quote from: Amicale on May 10, 2012, 08:33:58 PM
Quote from: Tank on May 10, 2012, 07:45:51 PM
^^^ Now if a man posted that it would be considered sexist  ;D

:D On the other hand, I can vouch for it being true, and I can vouch for many women using this language with men as well as other women. ;) The only difference is that when I use any of these with another woman, she KNOWS what they mean.  ;D
See! See! I allway knew they had a secret code language!!!

We sure do! Unfortunately for you menfolks, those few examples are just the "lite" version of our language. The rest of it, you'll have to decipher over several decades of being around women, I suspect. Even I am constantly learning new bits of our code.

I think I must have missed this lesson. Whenever I'm annoyed, I literally start my sentences with "I'm annoyed..."
"We've thought of life by analogy with a journey, with pilgrimage which had a serious purpose at the end, and the THING was to get to that end; success, or whatever it is, or maybe heaven after you're dead. But, we missed the point the whole way along; It was a musical thing and you were supposed to sing, or dance, while the music was being played.

The Magic Pudding

Quote from: Amicale on May 07, 2012, 10:24:30 PM
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...

' ME .'
That was cute, it wasn't the kind of ending I was expecting.

Tank

Quote from: DeterminedJuliet on May 11, 2012, 04:54:02 AM
Quote from: Amicale on May 10, 2012, 08:36:27 PM
Quote from: Tank on May 10, 2012, 08:35:01 PM
Quote from: Amicale on May 10, 2012, 08:33:58 PM
Quote from: Tank on May 10, 2012, 07:45:51 PM
^^^ Now if a man posted that it would be considered sexist  ;D

:D On the other hand, I can vouch for it being true, and I can vouch for many women using this language with men as well as other women. ;) The only difference is that when I use any of these with another woman, she KNOWS what they mean.  ;D
See! See! I allway knew they had a secret code language!!!

We sure do! Unfortunately for you menfolks, those few examples are just the "lite" version of our language. The rest of it, you'll have to decipher over several decades of being around women, I suspect. Even I am constantly learning new bits of our code.

I think I must have missed this lesson. Whenever I'm annoyed, I literally start my sentences with "I'm annoyed..."
Your husband is a very, very, very lucky man  ;D
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

OldGit


technolud

I haven't read all the way through, so I apologize if this is a repeat.  But my favorite Arkansas/Lawyer joke:

What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer.

One is a scum sucking bottom feeder.  The other is a fish.

kitty

i'm sorry but i only really like baaad jokes.

what kind of bees make milk?

boobies!

sorry again
Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too? (Douglas Adams)

Ali

Quote from: Amicale on May 10, 2012, 08:36:27 PM
Quote from: Tank on May 10, 2012, 08:35:01 PM
Quote from: Amicale on May 10, 2012, 08:33:58 PM
Quote from: Tank on May 10, 2012, 07:45:51 PM
^^^ Now if a man posted that it would be considered sexist  ;D

:D On the other hand, I can vouch for it being true, and I can vouch for many women using this language with men as well as other women. ;) The only difference is that when I use any of these with another woman, she KNOWS what they mean.  ;D
See! See! I allway knew they had a secret code language!!!

We sure do! Unfortunately for you menfolks, those few examples are just the "lite" version of our language. The rest of it, you'll have to decipher over several decades of being around women, I suspect. Even I am constantly learning new bits of our code.

I liked "Go ahead" as a dare.   ;D  The full and nuanced definition of "fine" is "You are entirely too stupid to be reasnoned with, and I'm going stalk upstairs to take a bath rather than bothering with you for even one more minute."

Guardian85

Quote from: Ali on May 11, 2012, 04:47:40 PM
Quote from: Amicale on May 10, 2012, 08:36:27 PM
Quote from: Tank on May 10, 2012, 08:35:01 PM
Quote from: Amicale on May 10, 2012, 08:33:58 PM
Quote from: Tank on May 10, 2012, 07:45:51 PM
^^^ Now if a man posted that it would be considered sexist  ;D

:D On the other hand, I can vouch for it being true, and I can vouch for many women using this language with men as well as other women. ;) The only difference is that when I use any of these with another woman, she KNOWS what they mean.  ;D
See! See! I allway knew they had a secret code language!!!

We sure do! Unfortunately for you menfolks, those few examples are just the "lite" version of our language. The rest of it, you'll have to decipher over several decades of being around women, I suspect. Even I am constantly learning new bits of our code.

I liked "Go ahead" as a dare.   ;D  The full and nuanced definition of "fine" is "You are entirely too stupid to be reasnoned with, and I'm going stalk upstairs to take a bath rather than bothering with you for even one more minute."

For some reason I am suddenly glad I am single.... ;)


"If scientist means 'not the dumbest motherfucker in the room,' I guess I'm a scientist, then."
-Unknown Smartass-

Tank

Quote from: kitty on May 11, 2012, 04:12:53 PM
i'm sorry but i only really like baaad jokes.

what kind of bees make milk?

boobies!

sorry again
15 posts and already she's mentioning boobies, you can almost smell the n00bie through the screen  :D
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

kitty

Quote from: Tank on May 11, 2012, 05:29:57 PM
Quote from: kitty on May 11, 2012, 04:12:53 PM
i'm sorry but i only really like baaad jokes.

what kind of bees make milk?

boobies!

sorry again
15 posts and already she's mentioning boobies, you can almost smell the n00bie through the screen  :D

haha
Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too? (Douglas Adams)