Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Guardian85]

Sven and Lisa met on the boat as they proceeded to a new life in America and soon fell in love.
After clearing customs they went to City Hall to get a marriage license. Since neither one of them spoke much English one of the secretaries helped them fill out the required forms.
The lady asked Lisa "What's your nationality?"
Lisa said "I yust come over from da old country and don't unnerstand nationality. Vat's dat?"
The lady said "Well you are tall and blond and definitely have a Scandinavian accent. Don't you have a little Swede in you?"
  Lisa blushed and said "Yah dat damned Sven, he yust couldn't vait."

[Tom62]

Knock Knock..
Who's there?
Gestapo
Gestapo who?
Ve Vill ask ze Questions!

[Tom62]

A tourist in Amsterdam slips and falls in an Amsterdam canal.
So he shouts: "Hilfe, Hilfe!"
A local native passes by and says to that guy: "You should have learned swimming, instead of German" 

[OldGit]

^

[Ali]

Knock Knock..
Who's there?
Gestapo
Gestapo who?
Ve Vill ask ze Questions!

LOL!!!!!

[ibm]

So what`s the difference between a Norwegian and a canoe? Well, a canoe will sometimes tip.

So what`s the difference between a Norwegian and a canoe kayak? Well, a canoe kayak will sometimes tip bend and roll over. (this is homemade)

[ibm]

Quality Control Bill got fired from the M&M plant. He was removing all candies with the letter "W" on it.

[Tank]

Quality Control Bill got fired from the M&M plant. He was removing all candies with the letter "W" on it.

That took far too much thinking about this time of the morning. 

[Guardian85]

What happens to the average IQ in Norway and Sweden if a dumb Norwegian moves to Sweden?

It increases in both countries. 

[Ali]

So I was feeling left out (since I didn't know any Norwegian jokes, and I would NEVER malign my beloved Swedes.)  I googled "Norwegian jokes" and came up with a bunch of rather unfunny jokes that I believe are actually aimed at American Swedes (Swedes, Norwegians, same diff, amiright?) or anyway, they follow the American stereotype of Swedes in America fairly closely. 

Then I came across this.  I don't really "get" most of it, but I am hoping that our Norwegians will find it funny.  Enjoy!   

Peoples Social- Demokratic Monarc Kingdom of Norway (pronounced nowhere by Asians and Canadians) is an imaginary tropical country situated at the Earth's north pole. Norway's most imaginary territories include North Dakota, Minnesota, South Dakota and the Ocean, where Norwegians pretend to get food, lay their eggs and harvest a mysterious black liquid used in religious rituals.

Norway is not only a vassal of Russia but also a member of the United Federation of Russia and the Holy Russian Empire since its independence from USA in 1953, Norway maintains a strong reputation amongst outsiders for its harsh censorship and a strong, almost fetishistic love of socks, particularly white ones. The republican kingdom has, in recent years, been at war with Denmark and, more infrequently, Good Mikhailism Decency. A little known fact about these so-called Norwegians is that they reproduce asexually. 

[Buddy]

So I was feeling left out (since I didn't know any Norwegian jokes, and I would NEVER malign my beloved Swedes.)  I googled "Norwegian jokes" and came up with a bunch of rather unfunny jokes that I believe are actually aimed at American Swedes (Swedes, Norwegians, same diff, amiright?) or anyway, they follow the American stereotype of Swedes in America fairly closely. 

Then I came across this.  I don't really "get" most of it, but I am hoping that our Norwegians will find it funny.  Enjoy!   

Peoples Social- Demokratic Monarc Kingdom of Norway (pronounced nowhere by Asians and Canadians) is an imaginary tropical country situated at the Earth's north pole. Norway's most imaginary territories include North Dakota, Minnesota, South Dakota and the Ocean, where Norwegians pretend to get food, lay their eggs and harvest a mysterious black liquid used in religious rituals.

Norway is not only a vassal of Russia but also a member of the United Federation of Russia and the Holy Russian Empire since its independence from USA in 1953, Norway maintains a strong reputation amongst outsiders for its harsh censorship and a strong, almost fetishistic love of socks, particularly white ones. The republican kingdom has, in recent years, been at war with Denmark and, more infrequently, Good Mikhailism Decency. A little known fact about these so-called Norwegians is that they reproduce asexually. 

Usually when you search Norwegian jokes, you will get the Ole and Lena jokes, which I don't find that funny.

But if you like that sort of stereotype thing, then you would like this: http://satwcomic.com/

[Ali]

Usually when you search Norwegian jokes, you will get the Ole and Lena jokes, which I don't find that funny.

But if you like that sort of stereotype thing, then you would like this: http://satwcomic.com/

Yes, that's what I found, Ole and Lena.  Not funny.  On the other hand, I LOVE the Scandinavia and the World comics.  I don't know why I find them so addictive, but I could read them for hours.  I think it helps that Humon explains them, otherwise I probably wouldn't get a lot of them.

ETA:  Hahahahaha  http://satwcomic.com/parenting  This is one I get without the explanation, but I do like the explanation ("Bad parents get bad children, England  )  You Brits better pay more attention to us or we're going to color all over your walls.

[Siz]

Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning " Windows frozen"
Husband texts back, "pour some luke warm water over it"
Wife texts back "computer completely knackered now"

[Asmodean]

Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning " Windows frozen"
Husband texts back, "pour some luke warm water over it"
Wife texts back "computer completely knackered now"

That's what dumbass husband gets for writing "it" where he should have written "them". 

[Guardian85]

Three women were bragging about their sons.
The first woman jumped up and said, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a Church, everyone says 'Oh, your Emminence!'"
Not to be outdone, the second woman says, "My boy is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a Church, everyone says 'Oh, your Excellency!'"
Then the last woman looks at the others and says, "I don't know about YOUR boys, but my son is 17 years old and weighs 500 lbs. Whenever he walks into a Church they always say 'OH MY GOD!'"