Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

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Guardian85

The little Swedish kid asked his teacher why the days in the summer were so much longer. The teacher answered, "Oh, that's because the heat makes everything expand."


"If scientist means 'not the dumbest motherfucker in the room,' I guess I'm a scientist, then."
-Unknown Smartass-

Amicale



"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan

Buddy

Strange but not a stranger<br /><br />I love my car more than I love most people.

Guardian85

Why did the Swede put condoms on his ears?  ???

He wanted to avoid getting hearing aids.  ;D


"If scientist means 'not the dumbest motherfucker in the room,' I guess I'm a scientist, then."
-Unknown Smartass-

Buddy

A Norwegian, a Swede and a Dane made a bet about who could stay the longest in a stinky pig barn. They all went in at the same time. After only two minutes the Dane came running out. Five minutes later the Swede stumbled out the door. After ten minutes, all the pigs ran out.
Strange but not a stranger<br /><br />I love my car more than I love most people.

DeterminedJuliet

"We've thought of life by analogy with a journey, with pilgrimage which had a serious purpose at the end, and the THING was to get to that end; success, or whatever it is, or maybe heaven after you're dead. But, we missed the point the whole way along; It was a musical thing and you were supposed to sing, or dance, while the music was being played.

Guardian85

"Dad, I'm pregnant," the daughter said.
"Hey, wait a minute. Are you sure it's yours?" the Swedish father responded.


"If scientist means 'not the dumbest motherfucker in the room,' I guess I'm a scientist, then."
-Unknown Smartass-

Buddy

Two Norwegians went on a fishing trip to Canada and come back with only three fish, and one says, "The way I figger it, each of them fish cost us $400. Well. At dat price it`s a good ting we didn`t catch any more of em than we did."
Strange but not a stranger<br /><br />I love my car more than I love most people.

Guardian85

Why are Swedish jokes getting sillier and sillier?

Because the Swedes have started to make them up themselves.



"If scientist means 'not the dumbest motherfucker in the room,' I guess I'm a scientist, then."
-Unknown Smartass-

Buddy

So what`s the difference between a Norwegian and a canoe? Well, a canoe will sometimes tip.
Strange but not a stranger<br /><br />I love my car more than I love most people.

Asmodean

Quote from: Budhorse4 on April 12, 2012, 05:40:36 PM
So what`s the difference between a Norwegian and a canoe? Well, a canoe will sometimes tip.
Why insult people with tips? They do get paid a salary for their services.

(I do not count "keep the change" as active tipping)
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

Amicale

Quote from: Asmodean on April 12, 2012, 05:52:39 PM
Quote from: Budhorse4 on April 12, 2012, 05:40:36 PM
So what`s the difference between a Norwegian and a canoe? Well, a canoe will sometimes tip.
Why insult people with tips? They do get paid a salary for their services.

(I do not count "keep the change" as active tipping)

This is maybe a cultural difference...? I know in some places, tipping is considered odd or offensive. In other places though, you tip someone for good service because it's a way of saying thank you for a job well done. It would only be insulting if you deliberately undertipped them, as a way to slight them - like leaving two pennies on the table if you thought the service sucked.


"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan

Buddy

We only ever tipped a few times in Sweden. It's not common, but it is still considered nice.
Strange but not a stranger<br /><br />I love my car more than I love most people.

Guardian85



"If scientist means 'not the dumbest motherfucker in the room,' I guess I'm a scientist, then."
-Unknown Smartass-

Asmodean

I think me thanking someone for good service means more to that person than a tenner left on the table does.
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.