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Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

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squidfetish

What do you get in you cross a Jehovah's Witness and a punk rocker?
Someone who knocks on your door and tells you to fuck off.
reptilian overlord

Tank

If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Guardian85

Two bacteria walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "We don't serve bacteria in this bar".
The bacteria reply: "But we work here! We're staph."


"If scientist means 'not the dumbest motherfucker in the room,' I guess I'm a scientist, then."
-Unknown Smartass-

lomfs24

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "where is the bar tender?"



A baby seal walks into a club...

squidfetish

A horse walks into a bar

The barman says, "Why the long face?"


A sandwich walks into a bar

The barman says, "Sorry mate, we don't serve food here."
reptilian overlord

Tank

If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Guardian85



"If scientist means 'not the dumbest motherfucker in the room,' I guess I'm a scientist, then."
-Unknown Smartass-

Buddy

These aren't jokes, but they did make me laugh.  ;D

Like how it's tradition for a Dane to grope a Norwegian's chest as a greeting. Or If the Öresund sea freezes, and a Swede walks over to Denmark over the ice, a Dane is allowed to hit the Swede with a stick.
Strange but not a stranger<br /><br />I love my car more than I love most people.

OldGit

The story is that here in Hereford, over 1,000 years ago, it was legal to shoot a Welshman in town after dark.  And they say the law is still in force.  ;D

Asmodean

Quote from: OldGit on December 26, 2011, 10:00:48 PM
The story is that here in Hereford, over 1,000 years ago, it was legal to shoot a Welshman in town after dark.  And they say the law is still in force.  ;D
Big morgue nearby, yes?  ;D
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

lomfs24

Rumor has it that in Montana if you see five Indians traveling together it is considered a war party and they can be shot if you are in a covered wagon. It's still a law there.

Asmodean

Quote from: lomfs24 on December 26, 2011, 10:58:20 PM
Rumor has it that in Montana if you see five Indians traveling together it is considered a war party and they can be shot if you are in a covered wagon. It's still a law there.
...So, a flatbed truck with canvas top, that's a covered wagon, no? Doesn't say it can't be self-propelled, does it?  ;D
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

The Magic Pudding

Aren't these things known as wagons?
I used to have one, it was fast but hated stopping except for fuel.


Asmodean

Quote from: The Magic Pudding on December 27, 2011, 02:24:05 AM
Aren't these things known as wagons?
I used to have one, it was fast but hated stopping except for fuel.


The Asmo's Old Rusty is a wagon too. And it starts, stops, goes forwards and backwards and side to side and has a leaky cooling system.
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

lomfs24

Quote from: Asmodean on December 26, 2011, 11:26:31 PM
Quote from: lomfs24 on December 26, 2011, 10:58:20 PM
Rumor has it that in Montana if you see five Indians traveling together it is considered a war party and they can be shot if you are in a covered wagon. It's still a law there.
...So, a flatbed truck with canvas top, that's a covered wagon, no? Doesn't say it can't be self-propelled, does it?  ;D
I don't think it says anything about the method of moving the covered wagon. Except I don't think a flatbed truck was an option at the time the law was written. :)