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Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

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Tank

If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

No one


The Magic Pudding.

#4772


I've got the job of stabbing Jesus to check that he's dead.
Anyone interested, I'm taking offers for the spear in New Zealand dolllars, just PM me.
Kim, Vlad has just outbid you.
Donald, a gagillion isn't a proper number.

Tank

If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Asmodean

Well... The world is gettin' kinda sinful, and... We know of one way to properly de-sin it, sooooo...  ;D
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

The Magic Pudding.

I had to modify my Easter Jesus post, it didn't make sense.
I saw Harrison Ford snooping about earlier.
Oh don't let him anywhere near it, the sneaky bastard.

MarcusA

Jesus loved himself. haha
I'd die for a man like Jesus. haha

It's just after Easter, and I am still as irreligious as ever.

MarcusA

Faith is Doublethink
Gobbledygook is Doublespeak,
And I am not Big Brother.

Dark Lightning

Bartender goes to the men's room, and discovers a broken window. Back at the bar, he questions the clientele. Squirrel raises a paw. "That's my fault. The bear asked if I had a problem with crap sticking to my fur. I said no, so he wiped his ass with me and threw me through the window."

The bartender doesn't want to deal with the bear, so he just has the window replaced.

Bartender goes to the men's room, and discovers a broken window again, and part of the exterior wall missing. Back at the bar, he questions the clientele. Porcupine raises a paw. "That's my fault."

MarcusA


Cognostic

Jesus and Moses were out fishing one day.  It was a nice hot day and they were slamming back a few brewskis in their little rowboat. Moses began feeling the buzz, and about that time he began jibing Jesus, 'Come on dude, show me a miracle." Jesus kept responding 'No my son, I can not be tempted.' But Moses kept harping on, 'Show me a miracle, show me a miracle, show me a miracle.' Jesus finally gave in and said. "Okay, but you first.' 

Moses stood up, walked to the bow of the little boat, spread his arms to the heavens, and a huge lightning bolt shot from the blue sky, splitting the lake in half. Moses turned back to Jesus, grabbed his beer, took a long chug, burped, and said, "Beat that!" 

As the waters rushed back in the little rowboat, once again, found itself floating on a serene lake on a sunny day.  Jesus stepped out over the edge of the small craft and onto the water.  He sank like a rock.

As he splashed and gagged, Moses pulled him back into the boat. But Jesus wasn't having it. 'Unhand me, get your hands off of me,' he shouted. And once again he threw himself into the water. And, once again he began to splash and gag. This happened several more times (to make a long story shorter).

Finally,  Moses pulled Jesus aboard the small boat and said, "Jesus, Jesus, what's the matter."

To which Jesus replied. "I don't know but the last time I tried this I didn't have these damn holes in my hands and feet."

MarcusA

I blaspheme at least once a day whether I want to or not. It's an unhappy situation.


Asmodean

The Asmo played Skyrim. He slew them dragons by the dozen - and then one big final boss one. :smilenod:

BOW before His might!

(also a veteran of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare AND War Thunder. RESPEKK HIM!!1!)
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

The Magic Pudding.

Quote from: Asmodean on May 10, 2023, 09:27:43 AMThe Asmo played Skyrim. He slew them dragons by the dozen - and then one big final boss one. :smilenod:

BOW before His might!

(also a veteran of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare AND War Thunder. RESPEKK HIM!!1!)

Hmm... I still think Donkey wins.