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Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

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Papasito Bruno

Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on February 24, 2022, 03:55:35 PM
Name a rock group with 4 guys, none of whom sing or play instruments.

[spoiler]Mount Rushmore[/spoiler]

That's good ;D


I still can't get over the fact that the word "gullible", if looked at upside-down looks like a cat!!
"Most people would rather be boring than be bored." <br />― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Tank

If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

billy rubin

what id going on in australia? i thought you guys were going to burn to death. now it looks like youll drown.


more people have been to berlin than i have

Bad Penny II

Quote from: billy rubin on March 01, 2022, 09:54:31 AM
what id going on in australia? i thought you guys were going to burn to death. now it looks like youll drown.

Tell me about it.
I'm on the edge of it and it's intense enough.
A town had 750mm of rain in a day, more than 2 1/2 foot
Time was 12" was a ridiculous amount
The Big Banana is closer to the worst of it but it hasn't gone under, I don't think Russel would let it.

Nah, he'd drag it onto his Ark.

There is only one though :-\

Take my advice, don't listen to me.

billy rubin



more people have been to berlin than i have

Mr. B

Quote from: billy rubin on March 01, 2022, 09:54:31 AM
what id going on in australia? i thought you guys were going to burn to death. now it looks like youll drown.

WWJTD?

[spoiler]
[/spoiler]
"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it" - Evelyn Beatrice Hall

Papasito Bruno

Wife texts her husband on cold, wintery morning: "Windows frozen, and won't open"

Husband texts back: Gently pour some lukewarm water over it, and then gently tap the edges with hammer".

Wife texting back about 15 minutes later: "Computer is really messed up now".
"Most people would rather be boring than be bored." <br />― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Ecurb Noselrub


Icarus

Good one PB   ;D

On the other hand the wife is going to be pissed because of the presumptive advice.

Papasito Bruno

Quote from: Icarus on March 15, 2022, 12:59:21 AM
Good one PB   ;D

On the other hand the wife is going to be pissed because of the presumptive advice.

True...my wife got mad at me last Saturday because she asked me if I had eaten a chocolate bar that she had in the refrigerator, and I said no I had not...a while later, after she made herself some coffee she was standing at the refrigerator with both doors open looking around inside, and she said, "Where is is"?, and I said. "Where's what"?
Then she said, "the chocolate bar I asked you if you ate earlier", and I replied, "Oh, I took that to the office yesterday, and gave it to give to some of the security folks".

I think you see where this went.... :P

"Most people would rather be boring than be bored." <br />― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Papasito Bruno

If someone slaps you at a very high frequency it hertz really bad! :palpatine:
"Most people would rather be boring than be bored." <br />― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Dark Lightning


Dark Lightning


Icarus

The pope is very sick.  The physicians are having a difficult time trying to diagnose his illness.  After long study and consultations, they determine that he will die if he does not have sex.

All the physicians agree and tell the terminally ill pope what he must do in order to survive. At first the Pope is defensive but later agrees taht he must have sex. The pope says that there are conditions, however. What are the conditions the physicians ask.  He says, she must be a Catholic. OK the physicians say, we can arrange that.  Pope says also she must be blind. Ok we can arrange that.  Pope says she must be a virgin. Some hesitation by the physicians but they agree that they can arrange that too.

The physicians begin to leave the room. Pope says wait there is one more thing.  What is that, they ask. Pope replies in his weakened voice: Ummm... Big tits.


(sorry ladies, please do not be offended)   

Papasito Bruno

Quote from: Icarus on April 03, 2022, 03:12:41 AM
The pope is very sick.  The physicians are having a difficult time trying to diagnose his illness.  After long study and consultations, they determine that he will die if he does not have sex.

All the physicians agree and tell the terminally ill pope what he must do in order to survive. At first the Pope is defensive but later agrees taht he must have sex. The pope says that there are conditions, however. What are the conditions the physicians ask.  He says, she must be a Catholic. OK the physicians say, we can arrange that.  Pope says also she must be blind. Ok we can arrange that.  Pope says she must be a virgin. Some hesitation by the physicians but they agree that they can arrange that too.

The physicians begin to leave the room. Pope says wait there is one more thing.  What is that, they ask. Pope replies in his weakened voice: Ummm... Big tits.


(sorry ladies, please do not be offended)

That's funny, El Papa is a big booby guy.... 8)




When I was High School (Catholic), one of my friends got busted with some Playboy magazines in his locker. He got suspended for a couple days, plus two weeks of community service which meant working for free for the school. They also had us all in the auditorium preaching about the dangers of pornographic material, etc...funny part of all of this is one of my other friends assisted in the school office.

One of the priests was in his office when one of the lay persons who worked in the front office walked in on Father who had the magazine open to the centerfold at his desk. She yelled out in surprise seeing this, and my friend who just happened to by walking by Father's office when he heard her cry out, so he looked over and saw the same thing...I guess Father threw the magazine down on his desk, said something like he was getting ready to throw them in the trash, but was apparently extremely red in the face.



"Most people would rather be boring than be bored." <br />― Mokokoma Mokhonoana