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Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

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Dark Lightning


Dark Lightning


Biggus Dickus

#4637
When I was young, and in college I was unsure what type of career I should pursue, for a while I even considered becoming a lawyer. I was also quite involved for some time with boxing, as I used to belong to a local gym here in Detroit. I wasn't that good of a boxer, but some folks thought I might make a good manager.

So I was unsure what to do, either become a lawyer, or a manager of prize fighters.

Basically I had to choose between briefs or boxers.
"Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair."

billy rubin



"I cannot understand the popularity of that kind of music, which is based on repetition. In a civilized society, things don't need to be said more than three times."

Biggus Dickus

#4639
Quote from: billy rubin on October 20, 2021, 12:57:31 AM
do youhave kids?

because that was a dad joke

Yes, a daughter and son.

It's a pun, heck even Shakespeare used puns in his writing,  for example, the opening lines of Richard III – 'Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this sun of York' where the speaker, Richard, is referring to himself, a son of the house of York.
Of course I'm not Shakespeare...Dad jokes/puns, are the simplest and easiest way to get a laugh. They are safe, and no one will be offended by them, which is truly important....hell even eye rolls don't hurt.
"Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair."

Biggus Dickus

Quote from: Papasito Bruno on October 20, 2021, 12:28:26 AM
When I was young, and in college I was unsure what type of career I should pursue, for a while I even considered becoming a lawyer. I was also quite involved for some time with boxing, as I used to belong to a local gym here in Detroit. I wasn't that good of a boxer, but some folks thought I might make a good manager.

So I was unsure what to do, either become a lawyer, or a manager of prize fighters.

Basically I had to choose between briefs or boxers.

Update:

Obviously I didn't become a lawyer, or a manager of prize fighters, I took a different route completely.

So instead of choosing briefs or boxers I decided to go commando,...and joined the army instead.  8)
"Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair."

Magdalena

Quote from: Papasito Bruno on October 20, 2021, 05:24:31 PM
Quote from: Papasito Bruno on October 20, 2021, 12:28:26 AM
When I was young, and in college I was unsure what type of career I should pursue, for a while I even considered becoming a lawyer. I was also quite involved for some time with boxing, as I used to belong to a local gym here in Detroit. I wasn't that good of a boxer, but some folks thought I might make a good manager.

So I was unsure what to do, either become a lawyer, or a manager of prize fighters.

Basically I had to choose between briefs or boxers.

Update:

Obviously I didn't become a lawyer, or a manager of prize fighters, I took a different route completely.

So instead of choosing briefs or boxers I decided to go commando,...and joined the army instead.  8)

Dios mio!
:picard facepalm:

"I've had several "spiritual" or numinous experiences over the years, but never felt that they were the product of anything but the workings of my own mind in reaction to the universe." ~Recusant

Biggus Dickus

Quote from: Magdalena on October 20, 2021, 06:55:16 PM
Quote from: Papasito Bruno on October 20, 2021, 05:24:31 PM
Quote from: Papasito Bruno on October 20, 2021, 12:28:26 AM
When I was young, and in college I was unsure what type of career I should pursue, for a while I even considered becoming a lawyer. I was also quite involved for some time with boxing, as I used to belong to a local gym here in Detroit. I wasn't that good of a boxer, but some folks thought I might make a good manager.

So I was unsure what to do, either become a lawyer, or a manager of prize fighters.

Basically I had to choose between briefs or boxers.

Update:

Obviously I didn't become a lawyer, or a manager of prize fighters, I took a different route completely.

So instead of choosing briefs or boxers I decided to go commando,...and joined the army instead.  8)

Dios mio!
:picard facepalm:

That's a Papasito joke....get it?
"Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair."

Dark Lightning

MAMA'S BIBLE

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers.

One evening, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the 95th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who moved to Florida .

The first said, "You know I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said, "And I had a large theater built in the house."

The third said, "And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL 600 to her."

The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot who could recite the entire Bible. It took ten preachers almost 8 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $50,000 a year for five years to the church, but it was worth it Mama only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed. After the celebration Mama sent out her "Thank You" notes.

She wrote: Milton , the house you built is so huge that I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound and it can hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing, and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious Thank you so much."

Love, Mama

Magdalena


"I've had several "spiritual" or numinous experiences over the years, but never felt that they were the product of anything but the workings of my own mind in reaction to the universe." ~Recusant

billy rubin



"I cannot understand the popularity of that kind of music, which is based on repetition. In a civilized society, things don't need to be said more than three times."

Bluenose

It was Captain's table and a large group of sailors were waiting to receive their doom for being late returning onboard. The Captain noticed that amongst the group was one Seaman Jones a notorious teller of outlandish excuses for being adrift.  The first sailor fronted and gave the excuse "well, I would have made it back on time, but my cart broke down when the donkey pulling it fell down dead on the way".  The Captain had never heard this excuse before so he let the sailor off with a warning to allow more time for unforeseen circumstances in future.  Then the second sailor gave the same excuse.  The Captain eyed Seaman Jones warily, but allowed the excuse.  The third sailor repeated the same story and by now the Captain was not having it and sentenced the sailor to 7 days extra duties.  And so it went, on and on, each sailor giving the same excuse and getting the consequent punishment.  Finally, the last sailor, Seaman Jones, came to the table.  The Captain said "I suppose you would have made it on time but your cart broke down..."  Jones interrupted "No Sir, sorry Sir, I was making good time when we came to a narrow part of the road that was blocked by a whole lot of dead donkeys!"
+++ Divide by cucumber error: please reinstall universe and reboot.  +++

GNU Terry Pratchett


Ecurb Noselrub

Nice.  He saved himself as well as others by confirming their lie.

Biggus Dickus

Does anyone here know which pronouns a chocolate bar goes by? Huh? Anyone?



Her/She
"Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair."

Ecurb Noselrub