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What's on your mind today?

Started by Steve Reason, August 25, 2007, 08:15:06 PM

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Randy

QuoteWell I do like ladies

Ah yes, the fairer gender. The ones who makes me smile.
"Maybe it's just a bunch of stuff that happens." -- Homer Simpson
"Some people focus on the destination. Atheists focus on the journey." -- Barry Goldberg

Randy

I have therapy tomorrow and don't know what to talk about. The session lasts an hour and there is nothing that comes to mind. I'm happy, given the circumstances live has given me, well adjusted and I just don't know what there is to bring up. It may be different the day after tomorrow when I visit my oncologist and maybe not. However, tomorrow I'm going on video conference with a blank mind. I also need a pajama top.

She wanted me to go outside for ten minutes and take in everything. She wants me to do this daily. I forgot. I guess I could talk about my absent mindedness. There isn't anything new in my little world.

I suppose we can talk about my fatigue but then she'll have me do some other activity.

I'm a terminally ill cancer patient. We are concentrating more on my comfort than anything else. I really don't want to add more stuff to do. I suppose I'll think of something.

Right now, I'm thinking of taking a nap.
"Maybe it's just a bunch of stuff that happens." -- Homer Simpson
"Some people focus on the destination. Atheists focus on the journey." -- Barry Goldberg

Tank

Quote from: Randy on May 12, 2020, 06:31:33 PM
I have therapy tomorrow and don't know what to talk about. The session lasts an hour and there is nothing that comes to mind. I'm happy, given the circumstances live has given me, well adjusted and I just don't know what there is to bring up. It may be different the day after tomorrow when I visit my oncologist and maybe not. However, tomorrow I'm going on video conference with a blank mind. I also need a pajama top.

She wanted me to go outside for ten minutes and take in everything. She wants me to do this daily. I forgot. I guess I could talk about my absent mindedness. There isn't anything new in my little world.

I suppose we can talk about my fatigue but then she'll have me do some other activity.

I'm a terminally ill cancer patient. We are concentrating more on my comfort than anything else. I really don't want to add more stuff to do. I suppose I'll think of something.

Right now, I'm thinking of taking a nap.

It's a shame you are more aware of your impending demise than most of us. How has this situation effected you?
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Dark Lightning

Oy. Sorry to see this, Randy.

Magdalena

Quote from: Randy on May 12, 2020, 06:31:33 PM
I have therapy tomorrow and don't know what to talk about. The session lasts an hour and there is nothing that comes to mind. I'm happy, given the circumstances live has given me, well adjusted and I just don't know what there is to bring up. It may be different the day after tomorrow when I visit my oncologist and maybe not. However, tomorrow I'm going on video conference with a blank mind. I also need a pajama top.

She wanted me to go outside for ten minutes and take in everything. She wants me to do this daily. I forgot. I guess I could talk about my absent mindedness. There isn't anything new in my little world.

I suppose we can talk about my fatigue but then she'll have me do some other activity.

I'm a terminally ill cancer patient. We are concentrating more on my comfort than anything else. I really don't want to add more stuff to do. I suppose I'll think of something.

Right now, I'm thinking of taking a nap.
I'm sorry to hear you're going through this, Randy:felix:
I don't know what to say.
~I'll just sit here in silence while you take a nap.

"I've had several "spiritual" or numinous experiences over the years, but never felt that they were the product of anything but the workings of my own mind in reaction to the universe." ~Recusant

Randy

QuoteIt's a shame you are more aware of your impending demise than most of us. How has this situation effected you?

It's affected me quite a bit physically. It seems that each year I get physically worse. Mentally I'm holding up.

There was a scare a few weeks ago. My oncologist set me up with a palliative care team. They came to the house and immediately started talking about hospice. That didn't make sense to me as I'm still on chemotherapy. One of the team looked at something written down and told me my last one is coming up. Then we started talking about my funeral and a DNR. It scared the living daylights out of me. Hospice, for those who aren't aware is for people who have less than six months to live.

My oncologist straightened them out. I'm not ready for hospice and my chemo sessions are continuing.
"Maybe it's just a bunch of stuff that happens." -- Homer Simpson
"Some people focus on the destination. Atheists focus on the journey." -- Barry Goldberg

billy rubin

well, shit.

i have no experience with what you are going through, but i'm glad you're still eligible for treatment.

you said you were terminal. is the chemo just to slow things down or is there a possibility of recovery?


more people have been to berlin than i have

Randy

Quote from: Magdalena on May 12, 2020, 07:44:40 PM
I'm sorry to hear you're going through this, Randy:felix:
I don't know what to say.
~I'll just sit here in silence while you take a nap.

I've finished my nap and on a breathing treatment at the moment. Okay, I just finished it. It takes too long to type via hunt-and-peck. Two hands are better than one in this case.

There isn't much anyone can say. i certainly don't think anyone is going to say "Congratulations!" I've been fighting this cancer (I've had one prior that went into remission) for about five years I think. I've lost track. It metastasized to my liver, hip bone, and it's now surrounding my gallbladder. The best they can do is slow the growth. They've exhausted everything in their arsenal.

I'm grateful for everything the medical profession has done for me. I may have gained a couple of years, I don't know. I never asked how much time I have left. I don't feel like counting down the days.
"Maybe it's just a bunch of stuff that happens." -- Homer Simpson
"Some people focus on the destination. Atheists focus on the journey." -- Barry Goldberg

Randy

Quote from: billy rubin on May 12, 2020, 09:26:32 PM
well, shit.

i have no experience with what you are going through, but i'm glad you're still eligible for treatment.

you said you were terminal. is the chemo just to slow things down or is there a possibility of recovery?

The chemo is simply to slow things down. There is no chance to stop the thing. I started with cancer on the base of my tongue and underwent a combination of chemo and radiation. It went into remission for I guess four months. It came back with a vengeance. I now have six tumors in my liver, one on my hip bone, and it looks like, from the x-ray, it's surrounding my gallbladder. It's spreading fast now.

My quality of life has gone down quite a bit from when I was healthy. The radiation cooked my neck and throat. I haven't been able to eat in years so I've got a tube in the middle of my stomach for feeding. I'm connected to a pump for it.

I'm not allowed (though I do, shhhhh) to drink anything more than water. I feel a little better psychologically by having a morning cup of coffee. It's difficult to swallow so I never can finish it. But just the act alone kind of makes me feel more human.

I didn't mean for all this to come out. I simply thought there would be questions and maybe this will help answer them.
"Maybe it's just a bunch of stuff that happens." -- Homer Simpson
"Some people focus on the destination. Atheists focus on the journey." -- Barry Goldberg

billy rubin

hey, for the journey you're on i have a great deal of respect for your state of mind.

no easy row to row, for sure.


more people have been to berlin than i have

Magdalena

Quote from: Randy on May 12, 2020, 09:46:34 PM
Quote from: billy rubin on May 12, 2020, 09:26:32 PM
well, shit.

i have no experience with what you are going through, but i'm glad you're still eligible for treatment.

you said you were terminal. is the chemo just to slow things down or is there a possibility of recovery?

The chemo is simply to slow things down. There is no chance to stop the thing. I started with cancer on the base of my tongue and underwent a combination of chemo and radiation. It went into remission for I guess four months. It came back with a vengeance. I now have six tumors in my liver, one on my hip bone, and it looks like, from the x-ray, it's surrounding my gallbladder. It's spreading fast now.

My quality of life has gone down quite a bit from when I was healthy. The radiation cooked my neck and throat. I haven't been able to eat in years so I've got a tube in the middle of my stomach for feeding. I'm connected to a pump for it.

I'm not allowed (though I do, shhhhh) to drink anything more than water. I feel a little better psychologically by having a morning cup of coffee. It's difficult to swallow so I never can finish it. But just the act alone kind of makes me feel more human.

I didn't mean for all this to come out. I simply thought there would be questions and maybe this will help answer them.
Well, Randy, thank you for sharing your experience with us, I have a feeling I'm gonna learn a lot from you. Thank you for that.

Quote from: Randy on May 12, 2020, 09:46:34 PM
I'm not allowed (though I do, shhhhh) to drink anything more than water. I feel a little better psychologically by having a morning cup of coffee. It's difficult to swallow so I never can finish it. But just the act alone kind of makes me feel more human.
I know what you mean, feeling human, it's the best feeling in the world...all that comes with it, the good, the bad, and the ugly, I know what you mean. Today, for the first time in my life I tried a malt liquor.  :snicker: I had always wanted to try one and today I did.

I'm glad you came here and shared your story with us.




"I've had several "spiritual" or numinous experiences over the years, but never felt that they were the product of anything but the workings of my own mind in reaction to the universe." ~Recusant

Randy

Quote from: billy rubin on May 13, 2020, 12:07:34 AM
hey, for the journey you're on i have a great deal of respect for your state of mind.

no easy row to row, for sure.

My mind is a scattered mess. My state of mind seems good all in all. I told my therapist about an emotional breakdown I had early last month and she was surprised it hadn't happened sooner.

I keep my mind occupied with all sorts of things although things like playing the guitar I can no longer do. The fatigue really taxes me. However, the things I can do, even if it is watching a series on Hulu like tonight, make me feel good.

I do my best to keep positive. I know this thing is going to kill me but hey, I could always die of the COVID-19 and then worrying about the cancer would be over anyway. The way things are going in the States it wouldn't surprise me.
"Maybe it's just a bunch of stuff that happens." -- Homer Simpson
"Some people focus on the destination. Atheists focus on the journey." -- Barry Goldberg

Randy

QuoteWell, Randy, thank you for sharing your experience with us, I have a feeling I'm gonna learn a lot from you. Thank you for that.
I hope to learn a lot from this group. I may not be able to do much anymore with the knowledge but I can't help it. I enjoy learning something new.

Quote
Quote from: Randy on Today at 04:46:34 PM

    I'm not allowed (though I do, shhhhh) to drink anything more than water. I feel a little better psychologically by having a morning cup of coffee. It's difficult to swallow so I never can finish it. But just the act alone kind of makes me feel more human.

I know what you mean, feeling human, it's the best feeling in the world...all that comes with it, the good, the bad, and the ugly, I know what you mean. Today, for the first time in my life I tried a malt liquor.  :snicker: I had always wanted to try one and today I did.

I'm glad you did. How was it? I love beer! I haven't been able to have it in years but that doesn't stop me from thinking about it. My favorites were Guinness and Yuengling Black & Tan. They weren't malts by any stretch of the imagination but it was what I kept my entertainment room refrigerator stocked with.

Quote
I'm glad you came here and shared your story with us.

Thank you. I wasn't going to say anything about it because the cancer doesn't define me. Actually, I'm not sure I can be defined.  :-\

"Maybe it's just a bunch of stuff that happens." -- Homer Simpson
"Some people focus on the destination. Atheists focus on the journey." -- Barry Goldberg

hermes2015

Dear Randy, nothing I attempt to say can express what I feel about the news you have shared with us. Even if I am at a loss for words, please know that I feel deeply for you.

We are a loving family — I hope our support will help you through this in some way.
"Who is to say that pleasure is useless?"
― Charles Eames

Magdalena

Quote from: Randy on May 13, 2020, 03:17:51 AM
...
I'm glad you did. How was it? I love beer!

Strong!
Very strong.
:run!:





Quote from: Randy on May 13, 2020, 03:17:51 AM
Thank you. I wasn't going to say anything about it because the cancer doesn't define me. Actually, I'm not sure I can be defined.  :-\
I don't think the cancer defines you either.

"I've had several "spiritual" or numinous experiences over the years, but never felt that they were the product of anything but the workings of my own mind in reaction to the universe." ~Recusant