News:

The default theme for this site has been updated. For further information, please take a look at the announcement regarding HAF changing its default theme.

Main Menu

Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Tank

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamoured with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you"...
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"

[spoiler=Punch line...]"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver"....[/spoiler]
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Tom62

An Irishman is in the bar, drinking a pint of Guinness
A lady next To him says, "What a coincidence, I am having Guinness too."
Irish man - "I'm celebrating."
Lady - "Me too."
Irish man - "What a coincidence! Why are you celebrating?"
Lady - "My husband & I have tried for 4 years for a baby. Today I'm pregnant!"
Irishman - "What a coincidence! I am a farmer. For 4 years my hens couldn't lay any eggs. Today all are laying eggs!"
Lady - "Wow! How did that happen?"
Irishman - "I used a different cock."
Lady smiled and said, "WHAT A COINCIDENCE !!!"
The universe never did make sense; I suspect it was built on government contract.
Robert A. Heinlein

Asmodean

Quote from: Tom62 on October 15, 2022, 02:03:38 PMIrishman - "I used a different cock."
Lady smiled and said, "WHAT A COINCIDENCE !!!"
:snicker1:

To be fair though, as explanations for sudden success go... I mean... Where's the lie? ;D
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

No one

What did the musican name his twin daughters?

[spoiler]Anna 1
Anna 2[/spoiler]

Tank

I was a quite upset when my wife said I had a small package. :(
Until I realised that Amazon had been :)
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Bebé Bruno

A small group of White Christian Nationalists walk into a bar along with several members of the HAF forum. After a while the bartender holds out his hands, and say's, "Wait a minute, how in the hell can I tell you two groups apart"!

The White Christian Nationalists hold up the crucifixes around their necks, and say. "We wear these"!
Fuck you asshole and your wannabe alpha male bullshit.
I was only here because you said you were going, I'm gone.
Cugel

Tom62

What's the best thing about being Joe Biden?

Waking up every day and learning that you're the president.
The universe never did make sense; I suspect it was built on government contract.
Robert A. Heinlein

Tank

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
 The pump attendant, who obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
 "Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.
 Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
 "What are those?, asks the attendant.
 "They're called tees" replies Tiger.
 "Well, what on the god's earth are they
 for?" inquires the Irishman.
 "They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
 "Feckin Hell", says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything !
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Ecurb Noselrub

Quote from: Tank on February 02, 2023, 04:52:12 PMOn a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
 The pump attendant, who obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
 "Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.
 Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
 "What are those?, asks the attendant.
 "They're called tees" replies Tiger.
 "Well, what on the god's earth are they
 for?" inquires the Irishman.
 "They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
 "Feckin Hell", says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything !

That's great!

Tank

If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.