Religion in school and government locally

[LARA]

This issue has been a thorn in my side since I moved to a new area, somewhat unwillingly, for my spouse's career.  My mistake, I should have fought harder for another option, but our former situation was not so great anyway so...

The problem entails led prayers at school assemblies and community events, personal religious expressions of teachers, such as creationist viewpoints, personal crosses, personal prayers of the teacher displayed in the classroom, T shirts with written religious sayings worn by teachers.  Fundamentalist Christianity, you're soaking in it!, basically.  I have discussed this with school officials and their response was that they are not teaching scripture so what they are doing is okay.  But I'm pretty sure if the Lemon test were applied in these many scenarios, they would determine that the school is encouraging religion on my dime as a taxpayer.

I would like to fight this, however, I don't know if I have the inner strength to take on this battle.

In addition to the religious issues that are here, I am trying to deal with my child's behavior problems at the school.  So it's complicated.  The school system here has been pushing autism ever since we had a meeting with the principal of her former school over an incident in which my child said a teacher grabbed her arm hard enough to leave a small bruise on it because my child was talking in class.  I think the school is exagerating the problems my child is having to get funding and the teachers pick on her because she is scientific and outspoken and doesn't seem to mind bringing up topics like evolution and the Big Bang that she sees on PBS because she is interested in these things.  At any rate the kid does need to behave and stop blowing up, but I can't tell who is telling the truth anymore between the school and her because there is so much B.S. and spin on both sides.  As a side note, I did take my kid to a PhD level psychologist who said the child was not on the autistic spectrum and could not give an official diagnosis, but recognized there were problems. Also my daughter has tested out as moderately gifted, at a 135 I.Q. on the Wechsler although the principal stated she most likely will not be allowed to participate in the program due to her behavior issues.

Quite honestly, I am caught between the school and my kid, both are behaving badly and my own personal issues with the local government pushing Christianity and the school being very unfair to my child when she does act out.

I think my main need as a mom is to try to deal with my child, get her appropriate counseling but it eats at my mind how much religion is pushing into the government here.  And I'm damn stressed out, to the point I don't think I can't think straight. I could use a clearer perspective on this.

Should I write a letter to the ACLU documenting what I have seen in the schools here?  Like I said, I don't have the inner strength or family support to fight a court battle, but I feel like somebody at least needs to know what the situation is like.  I won't be alone, I'm sure, as the website for the Oklahoma ACLU has said they have over 20,000 complaints on civil rights to deal with.

[Whitney]

If you write a letter to the ACLU they will probably write a letter to your school notifying them that they are breaking the law...it will get connected back to you.  So, while I would suggest doing this anyway, be prepared for at lest that much.

For your daughter's actions (which for all you know is a response to religious abuse considering the environment) why not have her wear a recording device to school and keep it on all day (by now there should be cheap small mp3 recorders that can record at least 8 hours) When she gets home she gives it to you and lets you know if she had any incidents that day; if so you review that part of the tape immediately.  Otherwise you can just check it when you have time to see what exactly she gets exposed to at school on a daily basis.  This will allow you to get the true story without having to worry about who is telling the truth.  Plus knowing she is being recorded may help her tone down her outbursts.

[hismikeness]

If you write a letter to the ACLU they will probably write a letter to your school notifying them that they are breaking the law...it will get connected back to you.  So, while I would suggest doing this anyway, be prepared for at lest that much.

For your daughter's actions (which for all you know is a response to religious abuse considering the environment) why not have her wear a recording device to school and keep it on all day (by now there should be cheap small mp3 recorders that can record at least 8 hours) When she gets home she gives it to you and lets you know if she had any incidents that day; if so you review that part of the tape immediately.  Otherwise you can just check it when you have time to see what exactly she gets exposed to at school on a daily basis.  This will allow you to get the true story without having to worry about who is telling the truth.  Plus knowing she is being recorded may help her tone down her outbursts.

Good ideas, but I would be sure to check your state laws. I am pretty sure more than one state have laws requiring anyone being recorded to be notified of that fact before being recorded. May not apply in your state.

I guess, LARA I am like you in that I wouldn't think I would have the desire to want to press this issue, especially considering that your daughter will be around religion and religious people for the rest of her life. Afterall, unfortunately, religion isn't going anywhere anytime soon.

As for the potential autism diagnosis, you could possibly have your daughter checked out by a third party and you would know better if the school is just trying to label her for the funding. It's not like that isn't unheard of.

Good luck!

[terranus]

I wouldn't be too worried about the religious junk. My mom was a church choir director for the first 14 years of my life. I went to private catholic school from 5th to 8th grade, and a private episcopal boarding school from 9th to 12th. Guess what? Still ended up atheist.

If your daughter really scored a 135, then she'll probably figure things out on her own. I doubt any of that religious stuff will affect her at all. As far as behavioral problems go? Well, there are a variety of options and opinions on that. None of which I am qualified to give you. But if it ever gets too bad - you can always do what my parents did - boarding school.

[LARA]

Thanks for the replies, all.  I'm still going to be mulling this one over for a long while I think.

[Will]

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this garbage from the school, LARA. Prayer in schools lead by teachers or school staff at assemblies is against the law. On that alone you have a strong case. Personal religious representations such as having a cross or praying to one's self are not against the law. Teaching creationism has been ruled as unconstitutional by the lower courts, though you could have a fight on your hands with that one.

I was the same as your daughter when I was young. I was pretty smart (not to toot my own horn), but I also acted out like crazy. I had behavior problems from preschool through about the fifth grade, and then scholastic problems when I went to middle school. I'm not entirely sure what caused the former problems, though I think it could have been a combination of boredom with the easy schoolwork and frustration with the social cliques of the schools. A fix for that could be a parent giving additional structure at home in the form of additional, advanced schoolwork and alternative social outlets, such as sports or clubs with different kids. My scholastic problems were due to a combination of laziness which developed due to the ease of elementary school work and social anxiety, I think. Part of that can be solved earlier on, but a lot of it could have been dealt with if someone had sat me down and explained how school really worked.

I wish you the best of luck. Raising children has to be one of the most difficult things a person can do. It's amazing we're not any more screwed up than we already are.  

[LARA]

Thanks Will.  To be more clear, it's been three different schools in the same county, one was a preschool, the others grade schools, all publicly funded.  She was transferred out of the one that held prayers during assemblies, I don't know if the new one does the same as she hasn't been allowed to attend any assemblies there yet that I know of.  I was asked to leave an assembly before it began because she was being punished for a behavior problem during lunch (crying and yelling because another girl teased her about an embarrassing incident) by not being allowed to receive her award for being on the all A honor roll.  Really embarrassing.

At any rate, I'm not opposed to personal expressions of religion by people, just seems that when it's a cross and a prayer posted on a publicly funded classroom wall, under a framed poster proclaiming 'In God We Trust', it starts to seem a little bit much. But it's just not really fair for a kid to be pulled into this argument, or catch flak from students or teachers for my viewpoint or a risk a teacher's irritation because my kid mentions something sciencey in class that goes against religious teachings.  There are so many ways a person can express their religious beliefs on their own property, and on their own time, and I support the rights of people to do so.  I just wish they would respect the establishment clause and stop trying to push their belief into every little crack they possibly can.