Atheist Essay - Junior Language Arts

[H13Drummer]

So, Hi:)
I'm Morgan and I'm a 16 year-old boy and a Junior in high school, last week, I got an assignment to write a persuasive essay on a social issue, being a proud atheist, I wrote about atheism. Tell me what you think!

Morgan Decker
Knight
Language Arts â€" 1st Period
10/4/10
Atheism: A Controversy
   The common person would define atheism as the absence of a belief in a god or gods, which is partially true. But, it is also recognized through the whole world as a huge controversy. Why? Simply because most “Theists”, which make up 85.3% of the world (Opposing Viewpoints), view atheists with a high sense of displeasure, 14.6% of the world is not Atheist however, that is the total of atheists and “Nonreligious” people combined. Atheists make up a mere 2.3% of the population, which, by definition, makes them a minority. It is human nature for a person to “go with the crowd” rather than to go with what they actually feel which makes theists view atheists in the way that they do. One may take this point and think that I am an anti religious person, or that I do not think people should believe in God, but I am simply stating that this “trend” of theism may add to the shunning of the atheist population.
   One may argue that atheists lack the morals that are normally taught in The Bible, or that atheists are “against God”. Neither of these statements are true, the latter of which can be refuted easily: it is impossible to be against a God one does not believe in. Essentially, one cannot be against a God with which they do not have the belief in that God to begin with. Moral foundation is a basic necessity in daily life, and can be granted in all walks of life. If a Christian says an atheist lacks moral standards, it is a direct blow to the very foundation of their basic human character. One does not need a book to tell them what is right and wrong, it is human nature. The fact remains that the majority of America is Christian or some other religion, and it is part of human nature to mistreat minorities. Not all Christians treat atheists poorly, but it is definitely noticeable that because you aren’t like one group of people, that makes the person in question a bad person. This is simply not true, and oftentimes goes against the beliefs set forth by that religion (i.e.: “Love thy neighbor as thyself” [New Oxford Annotated Bible, Mark 12:31]). According to The Bible, the only one who can judge man is God, but that is oftentimes not the case, so-called “Christians” judge others and criticize. The definition of Christian is “Christ-like”, but sometimes a self-proclaimed Christian is as “Un-Christ-like” as any atheist.
   The standards that atheists are measured up to today are generally unfair, and dare I say nonsensical when one thinks reasonably. The absolute disregard of any beliefs but one’s own is simply childish to say the least, and also very selfish. Christians may also argue that the United States of America is founded on Christianity based on things such as “One Nation under God” or “In God we Trust”, however, this case is directly refuted in one of the early treaties of the United States, drafted by George Washington, and signed by John Adams. The passage reads “As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquility, of Musselmen; and as the said States never have entered into any war or act of hostility against the Mehomitan nation, it is declared by the parties that no pretext arising from religious opinions shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between two countries.” (Dawkins 40) This passage explains, in clear black and white English, that this nation is not based on any form of religion whatsoever, which refutes the argument that this nation is based on Christianity.
   Essentially, atheism is looked down upon by many people all around the world, but is actually not a bad thing. Moral standards, the foundation of this country, or even the basic human moral code is loosely based on a 2000 year old book, written by many different authors, none of which have any scientific evidence to back their claims. The authors of The Bible claim to have heard or seen a “Divine Influence” which caused them to write sections of a book based on genuinely good human nature. Man does not need a book to tell them how to live their life, or what they can or cannot do. Man can decide for himself what is right and wrong, good or bad, necessary or proper (Article 1 of the United States Constitution, section 8, clause 18), and what is important to humanity. We live in a society based on helping the fellow man, and shunning him is no way to do so. In the end, man can decide for himself what he chooses to believe in, but in the mean time, it isn’t necessary to shove it down the throat of America.
 
Is this alright? Does it seem a bit too pushy? Being on the opposite side of the majority population (and most likely my teacher), I am wondering whether or not this is too "In your face" for a High School Persuasive Essay. I cited my sources throughout, and presented a fairly solid argument, but I just need to know if it's off-putting or not.

Thanks a bunch for any feedback!

Morgan:)

[PoopShoot]

Neither of these statements are true, the latter of which can be refuted easily: it is impossible to be against a God one does not believe in. Essentially, one cannot be against a God with which they do not have the belief in that God to begin with

This is redundant in its current form.  The best way to remedy it would be to remove the emboldened portion of the first sentence or replace the second sentence with an analogy about hating Santa Clause or something similar.

Christianity based on things such as “One Nation under God” or “In God we Trust”, however, this case is directly refuted in one of the early treaties of the United States, drafted by George Washington, and signed by John Adams. The passage reads “As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquility, of Musselmen; and as the said States never have entered into any war or act of hostility against the Mehomitan nation, it is declared by the parties that no pretext arising from religious opinions shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between two countries.” (Dawkins 40)

Both points here are decent, but by including "one nation under god" and then refuting it with Adams' words, you are rambling a bit.  As counterintuitive as it seems, to make it less rambly, make it longer.  Add a portion in the middle about how "under God" and "In God We Trust" were added during the McCarthy era, then Break into the Adams quote as a separate but related issue.  Also, Dawkins is a biologist/philosopher, citing him is inappropraite for a historical quote.  Find a historical source to quote instead.
 

Is this alright? Does it seem a bit too pushy? Being on the opposite side of the majority population (and most likely my teacher), I am wondering whether or not this is too "In your face" for a High School Persuasive Essay. I cited my sources throughout, and presented a fairly solid argument, but I just need to know if it's off-putting or not.

It was very well written and strong on concrete argument.  It isn't extremely off-putting, but you can't avoid that to some degree when writing a persuasive argument in favor of an opinion.  If your teacher's a good teacher, he won't be concerned about it containing a strong opinion, as that's the point of a persuasive essay in the first place.  Good luck.

[DropLogic]

Watch your run-on sentences, and try to make it a little more formal sounding; ie. less contractions.  Also, do you know where your teacher stands on the subject of religion?  I hate to say it, but coming out to a superior as an atheist can really hurt you.  Happened to me.

[Reginus]

For the part about America not being a Christian nation, you could add something about how we slaughtered thousands of Native Americans and took millions of Africans as slaves, which is in direct opposition to the things Jesus taught.

As for Atheists being just as moral as Christians, you need to give a concrete example or two, such as the percentage of atheists in prisons vs the percentage for those people of other faiths.

The essay also seems a little less organized than it could be.

[DropLogic]

One more thing to add.   This is a persuasive essay...but I don't think the tone in your piece is going to persuade anyone to become atheist.  I would add something highlighting the freedom of thinking for yourself in rational and logical manners.