Re: Self Help & The Purpose Driven Life

[VanReal]

Okay, my boyfriend's daughter is 21 years old and a mess.  She still lives with her dad, has no bills, works full time at a school as an aide, and spends every waking moment up our butts instead of with friends or going to school, starting a hobby, anything!  The one good thing is she's very accepting, naiive and gullible so there is hope for her yet if we point her in the right direction.  The other day a woman at work gave her the book "The Purpose Driven Life" and she was going to start reading that for some help.  I don't know what happened to it but she must have misplaced it right around the time I ran outside with the garbage in the morning.    (She knows me too well, I'm sure that would not be a surprise if she knew).

Any ideas on "feel good" books that could possibly motivate or at least inspire (even if only a little) a 21 year old girl?  There are a lot of areas for improvement, she has zero self-esteem so is over-weight and depressed, she's sweet but doesn't posess much for common sense (or book smarts), has a mother than is mean to her, and spends every waking moment drinking beer in my sunroom when not working.  Anything you can think of would be a major help!

[MommaSquid]

Okay, my boyfriend's daughter is 21 years old and a mess. She still lives with her dad, has no bills, works full time at a school as an aide, and spends every waking moment up our butts instead of with friends or going to school, starting a hobby, anything!  The one good thing is she's very accepting, naiive and gullible so there is hope for her yet if we point her in the right direction....

Any ideas on "feel good" books that could possibly motivate or at least inspire (even if only a little) a 21 year old girl?  There are a lot of areas for improvement, she has zero self-esteem so is over-weight and depressed, she's sweet but doesn't posess much for common sense (or book smarts), has a mother than is mean to her, and spends every waking moment drinking beer in my sunroom when not working.  Anything you can think of would be a major help!

This girl is my new hero!    

Now that I've gotten that out of my system...hmmm, what to do about a girl with no direction.  

Help her find a hobby.  What does she like to do?  Get her involved in something she can do with other people, like bowling or a gym membership, a community college class, etc.  

You said she has low self-esteem and depression, so she might benefit from a few counselling sessions.  Find a counsellor who can act as a "life coach".  At her age, she probably has hopes and dreams.  Talk to her and encourage her to go for it (before life sucks all the enthusiasm out of her).

[Will]

Now is the perfect time to develop a healthy lifestyle. You could spend some VanReal/Boyfriend's Daughter time walking, playing tennis, golfing, or doing some sort of activity.

[VanReal]

All great ideas!  I have a home gym and come in and workout, even bought a yoga mat and core training ball for her and she has decided it's better to plop in the sunroom after stopping off for her Miller Lite. (And I mean really, of all beers to choose she goes with that one? Yuck.)  I also took her to our closest community college and she met with an advisor and filled out the paperwork and has yet to go take her English and Math tests to see if she needs remedial. (Which she will.)  I cook, bake, cross-stich, sew, do yoga (poorly), volunteer, am the neighborhood petwatch nerd and foster, and am a certified life coach (although my niche is ADHD) and she gets no motivation from anything.  That would make me feel bad if I could think about it for more than 5 minutes, ha!

She did get into the Twilight series and that kept her going for a while.  I bought the Sookie series for her thinking that would be a good one and it's still sitting on my bookshelf.  

But, she does read, so I thought if I could find something for her to read she may get something out of that.  Goodness knows I have plenty of books on just about every subject but nothing on self-help or inner motivation.  I've got lots on human suffering and trauma, thought that would help make her at least see how good she has it, but haven't wanted to go into the tough love fear mode yet.  Oh, and I also suggested she consult with my head-shrinker, she is very reasonably priced and has helped me tremendously (although that's subjective) but that's something people tend to do when they've hit the bottom.  She is perfectly happy right now wandering through life, complaining some, but for the most part just feeling like it has nothing to do with her.  The bottom is far off in her mind, as are most things at that age from what I remember.

Frustrating to me because when I was 21 I had a 3 year old and was in the Army.  I can imagine all of the things I could have started and failed to finish at that age without that responsibility, hehe  

[SSY]

I dread to think of the dressing down I would get if I tried to return home at the age of 21. I vote tough love, 21 is more than old enough to support yourself.

[Will]

It could be worse. She could be drinking Coors.

[curiosityandthecat]

It could be worse. She could be drinking Coors.

[jrosebud]

Practical suggestion:

Have the girl watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Lots of good existential philosophy in there.  And maybe the girl power will motivate her to take up some form of martial arts or inspire her to do something important with her life.

If she likes the slightly insipid tale of Bella and Edward (and she's waiting for some fantasy man to sweep her off her feet), she might take to another vampire story (that's actually smart, funny, and worthwhile.)

[MattParsons]

Give her a copy of "Atlas, Shrugged".  That got me motivated.

[SallyMutant]

oh my dog, no! Not Ayn Rand--you want her competent, not cruel and naive. Though, no problem, if she's not keen on heavy reading she won't like the Rand tomes.
I like the Buffy suggestions for thoughtful viewing.
Perhaps self-help is too topic-specific. Any good book for a 20-something who is not a keen reader might be a window of self-help.  Bill Bryson is funny,  and since his books are travel/commentary no-one  can plead "meh, another pop novel."  Plus, travel books help our dreams.
Thread of Book clubness to encourage reading amongst our near and dear who don't like to read, anyone?

[Will]

oh my dog, no! Not Ayn Rand--you want her competent, not cruel and naive.

Welp, you made me spit my tea all over my desk.  

It's good to know that among more enlightened circles, Rand has the reputation she deserves.

[VanReal]

All good, and I hadn't thought about Buffy!  And I am totally with you SSYnot only would returning home after 18 not have been an option but who in the world would want that?  She doesn't live with me though (although she is here all of the time) and her dad has to make his own poor decisions on that one:)

[MattParsons]

oh my dog, no! Not Ayn Rand--you want her competent, not cruel and naive. Though, no problem, if she's not keen on heavy reading she won't like the Rand tomes.  

You clearly lack understanding of what Atlas, Shrugged is even about, or the tenets of Objectivism for that matter.

[curiosityandthecat]

oh my dog, no! Not Ayn Rand--you want her competent, not cruel and naive. Though, no problem, if she's not keen on heavy reading she won't like the Rand tomes.  

You clearly lack understanding of what Atlas, Shrugged is even about, or the tenets of Objectivism for that matter.

This coming from someone who throws random commas into book titles...  

[MattParsons]

oh my dog, no! Not Ayn Rand--you want her competent, not cruel and naive. Though, no problem, if she's not keen on heavy reading she won't like the Rand tomes.  

You clearly lack understanding of what Atlas, Shrugged is even about, or the tenets of Objectivism for that matter.

This coming from someone who throws random commas into book titles...    My bad!  My band is called "Alas, Tyranny" and I got it confused.