a late introduction

[brekfustuvluzerz]

hi, i just noticed this section of the forum and, though ive posted a few times, i thought id give an introduction.

i live near dallas, texas (republican world) and have been here most of my life. i was raised to be good ol southern baptist when i was younger because my grandparents were (and still are) very religious. as i grew older, i began to resist the invitations to go to church, not because i didnt believe it, but because i hated waking up so early and hanging out with a bunch of old rednecks with my shirt tucked in. i had began to play the guitar when i was twelve, and during my sophomore year in high school, i decided i wanted to play in a band. well, in my town, all the best musicians were christians (perhaps due to the ample opportunities to play in various worship settings) so i cleaned up my language and made my way into the musician/christian group. after a while, what i was hearing in church made me feel guilty about the non-christian friends i was still keeping, so i phased them out of my life. before long i was an active member in the church, with only christian friends and with the help of my earlier upbringing, i was eating up every lie they told me. its hard to say when exactly i became an atheist as it was a very gradual process, but that process lasted from about the age of seventeen to the age of twenty or twenty-one. looking back, i find the journey from theist to atheist to be fascinating and id like to describe it somewhat.

i started attending this bible study on thursday nights when i was in my mid to late teens. it was led by a youth pastor* in my town who was very intelligent and as much if a freethinker one could be while still holding onto their faith (if that makes sense). he made me feel like questioning was ok. in fact, he encouraged it, because he thought that searching for truth would lead to god. the bible study got pretty heated quite often, but i really enjoyed the freedom of diving into the things i had been taught were absolute and could not be questioned. we covered questions such as, "does god allow children who die to go to hell?" and "did god create evil?" and discussed ideas such as annihilation (god not sending anyone to hell but destroying the non believers, which there is actually consistent information in the bible to withhold) and even that the bible was not literal. it was such a new experience for me and i was freed from the prison of thought (or lack there of) that held me captive my whole life.

this caused me to really think in a way i would not allow myself to before. i stopped looking at the world as if what i had been taught was correct, and questioned everything. this came with a lot of fear due to the fact that i was afraid i would anger god and risk going to hell. but eventually i decided that searching for truth was not a sin, because if god existed, then he knew my intentions were not selfish. i merely wanted to know the truth, which, at the time, i thought was synonymous with the christian god. so my search began. there were so many things i discovered that pointed away from god, that i could never list them all here. one by one, the pillars of my faith fell. i was reluctant at first, but soon my thirst for reality took over and i became excited because i knew i was on the right path. of everything i learned during this time, the most central to the loss of my prior beliefs was this: i didnt see a need for a hell.

i believe that every human is born pure and good. they may be genetically predisposed to certain things, but they are as innocent as any other species in the beginning. then as life happens and intelligence forms, the human experiences hardships and tries to find a way to deal with them. maybe a young child is picked on, and as it grows older it may have developed a sharper wit to combat insults, or found that hiding its feelings will protect weak area from being exploited by bullies. these seemingly harmless events can result in social incompatibilities. think about it, the tougher someone acts, the more they are trying to hide whats hurting inside. the louder and more obnoxious the fat guy is, the less attention is payed to his physical imperfection. the more the girl makes herself sexually available, the more attention she receives. the more lies a kid tells, the more interesting he may seem to the people he wishes to impress. all of these things are done to avoid being hurt. these people are seen as normal in spite of their insecurities because we all have them. other behavior is less acceptable but also only occurs in more extreme cases. the rapist has such deep desires, he rapes because it is the only way to satisfy his urges. the compulsive murderer kills for various reasons but most of them are to heal some kind of hurt inside. the genocidal dictator has all of the above. i believe that everyone is living the best life they are able to. the reason i dont rape and kill isnt because im a better person than someone who does, but because i havent been placed in their exact circumstance with their same phycological makeup. to do this, i would essentially have to BE that person. when i look back at all of the shitty things ive done in my life, i realize that i didnt do them because i was evil, but because it was the best i knew how to do at the time.

 i have said all of this to illustrate how i do not believe anyone is guilty of anything. they react in their circumstance the best they are equipped to. this makes free will debatable in my opinion. since i believe that everyone is basically innocent of any sin (not to be confused with crime. morality and litigation are two separate entities), that leaves no justification for hell. and if there is no hell, then there is no need for a savior. now, this does not disprove god in my opinion, only the christian religion. the reason i am an atheist came later, after i had adopted science as my world view, and realized how unnecessary a creator is. i decided that the only two options available were that 1) god existed and created matter in all of its various forms but, leaving us no way to directly communicate, desired nothing of us or 2) there is no god. i then simply applied the principle of occams razor and was left with only one possibility.

since then, i have let it be known, when appropriate, to my friends and family that my beliefs have been revised and, to my surprise, have been met with minimal hostility. of course my deeply religious grandparents are not yet aware as far as i know, and i will attempt to avoid letting them know. i do this not because i am ashamed or am unsure of my beliefs, but simply to keep peace and to not burden them with my eternal damnation. i have become so interested in science that i am finally, seven years after graduating high school, attending college and majoring in biology with the hopes of continuing on to go into a pharmacy program.

i became a member of this forum to find people of like mind and to discuss with and most importantly learn from the people who frequent it. this is something i greatly desire being as most of the people i know and love are religious to some extent. but next semester i begin biology and chemistry classes in college, so hopefully i will meet some people to discuss with, maybe even make a friend or two.

well, its 2:30 in the morning here, and this was much, much more long winded than i had expected, so ill save something for other posts. if you are still with me at this point, thank you for being interested in what i had to say. let me know if you connected with something i said or, conversely, if you disagree with anything or would like further clarification. criticism serves to sharpen the intellect, and i welcome it. i look forward to all the late nights ill no doubt spend ranting and pondering in this forum.



* an interesting note about this youth pastor, he had an affair with a married woman in the church (he was also married) and it was such a catastrophe that he and his family relocated to virginia and cut all ties with everyone here.

[curiosityandthecat]

ill save something for other posts.

Is there anything to save?   Welcome.

[Kyuuketsuki]

ill save something for other posts.

Is there anything to save?  

Kyu