Your story...

[mrwynd]

First, I am a person of extremes. When I am into something it's all or nothing.

I was raised in a Baptist Christian home and Kindergarten through 2nd Grade I went to a private Christian School. Also went to a private Christian School for 6th grade because my parents were worried about what I was learning in public school. Throughout my childhood I never questioned the existence of a God or Jesus. I was also kept in a pretty nice bubble by my parents from the rest of the world.
Around the age of 12-13 my parents stopped going to church regularly although they never "lost" their faith. At the age of 15 I decided I needed church. I started going to an evangelical church on my own with some friends. One year later I became a youth group leader teaching other teenagers to accept Jesus as their savior and to abstain from drugs, drinking, pre-marital sex, and all that. We would go on camping trips where I and others would convince others they needed more Jesus. While at one of these camping trips I decided I didn't know enough about the bible.
I began reading the bible cover to cover. I also took notes on what I read. At the age of 17 I started writing essays about the bible. These essays were usually about how the old testament tied in with the new testament and how they applied to our modern world. I finished the entire bible and had over 50 pages of notes. I was not convinced I fully understood "God's plan" through this book and proceeded to read most of the bible again.
I began to preach to my parents that they weren't taking their faith seriously. I mean lets face it, if the alternative was Hell, shouldn't you put your faith before everything else? I took the bible and what Jesus said very seriously. I became a pacifist from Jesus' teachings and proceeded to argue with my family over what being a Christian is all about.
It was at this point I realized modern Christianity had nothing to do with the bible. If you take what Jesus said and apply it to modern times you get a huge disparity over what modern day Christians believe. How can "turn the other cheek" be interpreted as "defend Kuwait against Iraq" or the entire judicial system that requires you to "swear to tell the truth" while putting your hand on a bible and in that bible Jesus says "Do not swear, let your yes be yes and your nay be nay" ? or when Jesus said "Do not Judge" when I'm standing in front of A JUDGE?!
At the age of 18 I was completely disillusioned. I did a complete reversal and started doing drugs, sleeping with women, etc. I then got caught stealing a video game from a Target store. When I was brought home by my father he tied me to a chair and beat the crap out of me, literally. That night I ran away from home and slept on a friend's couch. I went couch hopping for a couple years after that, various friend's houses. I ended up dropping out of school and didn't speak to either of my parents again for almost 4 years. My mother was convinced I was dead.
At the age of 20, still not speaking with my parents I decided all the bad things happened to me because of my lack of faith. I tried going to church and praying, etc, but it all felt hollow. I had come to the realization that God is only as real as you make him in your mind.
At 22 I decided to reconcile with my parents, mainly for my mother's sake. I lied to them for years to keep my mother happy, telling them I was still Christian, etc. I stopped couch hopping and moved back in with my parents. I worked to pay off the debts I had built up and moved out 6 months later.
I then made a revelation - it wasn't my loss of faith that caused my life to go downhill, it was my personal decision making. I had to take responsibility for myself and not place it on any God or religion. Morality is not created or nurtured by religion but by personal accountability and deciding for myself what kind of life I wanted to lead.
I am now about to turn 28. I'm happily married and plan on having children within the next few years. I taught myself computers and now work in the IT field. I can feel proud of myself for what I have accomplished and don't need to somehow give the credit to a higher power because I made the decisions that have put me here today.

[Chimera]

Wow, what a great story. You've really gone through a lot to get to where you are now. I applaud your willingness to seek the truth instead of blindly consuming whatever you were spoon-fed.

[afreethinker30]

I then made a revelation - it wasn't my loss of faith that caused my life to go downhill, it was my personal decision making. I had to take responsibility for myself and not place it on any God or religion. Morality is not created or nurtured by religion but by personal accountability and deciding for myself what kind of life I wanted to lead.
I am now about to turn 28. I'm happily married and plan on having children within the next few years. I taught myself computers and now work in the IT field. I can feel proud of myself for what I have accomplished and don't need to somehow give the credit to a higher power because I made the decisions that have put me here today.

Sounds like you've done well for yourself.Congrats on everything.

it wasn't my loss of faith that caused my life to go downhill, it was my personal decision making.

We are all in charge of our own life.No matter what anyone says.At times we get kicked in the teeth but in the end we make our own choices.

[weedoch]

I love this thread! It's great to hear everyone's stories. Mine is intently boring by comparision. My family have never been particularly religious - my grandparents went to chapel for the social scene and were probably always atheist, same for my parents. By the time I came along my mother had had my older sister christened and found that when she listened to the words they were pretty horrific with all the original sin claims and whatnot, so never practised religion again.

None of  my family are politically motivated or interested in shouting for change particularly, but they have a strong moral sense. We've all always quietly been involved in volunteer work and done our bit. I'm probably the most political out of all of us, but nothing major, just the odd rally here and there, letters for Amnesty etc. We've never suffered for our beliefs or felt defined by them and I have a hard time following how parents can be so unforgiving of their offspring who've found a different path.

I'm fascinated in religion, but in a more anthropological way, and consider it in the same vein as any aspect of psychology or history. I beleive that morals are just consensus opinion and that our laws reflect that. I get a bit irate when religious types assume they have moral superiority and the right to stand in judgement. I don't believe religion is evil, it can provide support and solace, but I do think that any philosophical viewpoint which feels the need to convert others by force if necessary is entirely suspect (plenty of secularists have commited heinous atrocities).

I think it's entirely possible to live a happy, fulfilled and morally secure life without ever giving religion a second thought.

[afreethinker30]

I'm fascinated in religion, but in a more anthropological way, and consider it in the same vein as any aspect of psychology or history. I beleive that morals are just consensus opinion and that our laws reflect that. I get a bit irate when religious types assume they have moral superiority and the right to stand in judgement. I don't believe religion is evil, it can provide support and solace, but I do think that any philosophical viewpoint which feels the need to convert others by force if necessary is entirely suspect (plenty of secularists have commited heinous atrocities).

I think it's entirely possible to live a happy, fulfilled and morally secure life without ever giving religion a second thought.

Put perfectly.I don't need a book to tell me what is right and wrong.  

[Chimera]

I posted my story on my MySpace blog so people would kind of get an idea of where I'm coming from. Now, the two people who I trusted to understand my beliefs, my sister and my atheist friend, are all but accusing me of being closed-minded and too "militant" toward religion.

[susangail]

I posted my story on my MySpace blog so people would kind of get an idea of where I'm coming from. Now, the two people who I trusted to understand my beliefs, my sister and my atheist friend, are all but accusing me of being closed-minded and too "militant" toward religion.

That's a shame, I'm sorry. I don't see it as militant at all. They were fine with your views before you posted the blog?

[Chimera]

Yeah. But now, I'm apparently in danger of falling to the "dark side" of atheism.

[Atheist Mother]

I was baptised, probably at the insistence of my paternal grandparents, at age 3ish.  Either as a Lutheran or Methodist, not sure which.  That was basically it until age 6 when my father married the Catholic Woman From Hell.  She was (is?) a mall addicted, dolt who most likely married my father in hopes that he would die of the cancer he was fighting then and she could get the money.  But I can't say for sure.  Anyhow, she introduced mass, priests, etc to me at age 6, CCD, First Communion and fear of God.  All that fun stuff.  

Luckily for me they separated at least in location, right before I was to turn 13 and the Catholic brainwashing discontinued.  I haven't returned to that particular venue since.  

However, I had the Christian bug and would continue to sporatically look into religion and churches.  

As a 17-18 year old I went to a nondenominational church, named for a place rather a saint, and was shocked by it.  I enjoyed it, the live music, etc.  At the time it was a humble one room place, in an old Witness church from the 70's.  Now it is a very large, metal building and they are fighting the county to get larger even though that would mean destroying a creek, taking over someone else's property, etc.  

When I was in the military, in boot camp, I went to services (Generic Protestant type) on Sundays to get the hell out of the barracks for an hour.  I remember ash Wednesday being somewhat profound for me, but that may have been the lack of caffiene and overdosing of camaderie rather than the mark on my forehead.

After the military, I was in a rotten marriage.  When it was at it's rockiest, right before I left, I began joining a church down the street from me, mostly because I needed support from somewhere, and having no near relatives (other coast) I reached for Jesus.  It was a standard non-denominational place, mostly friendly old people, small congregation, and physical church was in need of updating.  Perfect for me, as I wanted to be anonymous, and I despise huge churches where everyone waves their hands and the preacher drives a Mercedes.

I moved back to where I am now, where I was before military service.  I went back to the nondenom church that I stated above.  I was at that point apathetic to church, but my now husband and I decided, in error now I see, that the kids needed it.  I would often sit up stairs in the media rooms to nurse and read while the pastor babbled and the sheep nodded.  The humble place had changed and were money hungry in ways I never noticed before.  The nail through that coffin, was when the pastor told us to vote for Bush and told (bullshit) facts about Kerry that he received via email.

One day about two years later I was googling.  I wanted to attend a liberal church.  This town is quite small, but at last count there were no less than 32 churches (13,000 people here in non-tourist season).  Every single one in the area is conservative and/or fundamentalist except United Methodist Church.  So I begged and convinced my husband to go, and fell in love with church.  They were everything I wanted.  Open, allowed LBGT*, against the death penalty, allowed abortion**, etc.

It was great, and lasted a year.  In that year I made such great friends with terrific loving people.  I was a Sunday school teacher.  I was ready to be baptised into the church.

And then I started second guessing the bible.  I started to read.  I watched documentaries.  I read more.  I researched.  I read Sagan, Dawkins, Darwin, Dennett, Hitchens, Harris, and more.  I read CS Lewis, and I read the Bible, I found things that bothered me.  I began to understand the bible is good for literature, not so much for religion.  That it is full of terrible things, and contradictions I couldn't forget.  That it was against the things I believed it was.  I had been a Christian who hadn't read the Bible.  I knew the mushy good feeling Jesus things, to be sure.  But the genocide, infantcide, unforgiving god, I had no idea.  We were told it was OT, no worries there mate, but yet the churches I attended had said that gays were sinners, look there in Leviticus.  I was having a difficult time

I was lost.  Completely disillusioned.  

I didn't say good bye.  I didn't explain why.  I took the UMC sticker off my car.  I gave back the books about Methodism, Wesley.  I just walked away.  

My husband was sort of glad as he was raised a Church of Christer, and then converted to Pentacostal.  Now he too is biblically disillusioned, but insists there is a god.  

I am trying to live with that, as he grapples to live with me losing faith.

Now I see people from UMC, and I miss them, sometimes I wish it were possible for me to fake it and go back to the knitting group... I loved that group.


*Only if non practicing, I chose to ignore that part though
**Only for the life of the mother, incest/rape which is better than South Dakota I rationalised

[susangail]

Yeah. But now, I'm apparently in danger of falling to the "dark side" of atheism.

Personally, I'd rather be on the "dark side" of atheism than that of Christianity (or religion for that matter).

[susangail]

Now I see people from UMC, and I miss them, sometimes I wish it were possible for me to fake it and go back to the knitting group... I loved that group.

I can completely understand what you mean here (though I wasn't in a knitting group   ) I didn't have many friends at my church (outcast even then) but it was a social thing and I miss it, my Impact leaders especially. Sometimes I wish I could just put on my clown face and be like "Just kidding!!"

[mrwynd]

Now I see people from UMC, and I miss them, sometimes I wish it were possible for me to fake it and go back to the knitting group... I loved that group.

My wife joined her mother's church bell choir (it's a United Methodist Church). She "fakes it", telling the others in her group that we're both Christian. I have gone to the church on occasion to hear them play. I've told her choir group that I travel at lot for work so that's why I'm not there very often (bold faced lie). It's the only place I "fake" religion and I do it for my wife. Everywhere else I'm open about my Atheism, which can cause an occasional problem at work.

[Msblue]

I love this thread!

My story is quite simple. I've always been an Atheist. I went to Catholic School until my first year in high school. I remember my 10 yr old self thinking "this is BS"
My SO finds that a bit offensive, he's convinced I had to believe at one point. I throw the usual "God made me at Atheist" at him.

[Jolly Sapper]

Not being in a religious family I never went through all of the indoctrination that it seems most of you all went through.  Though I lived in the South my parents were antisocial enough to not really care about what other people may have thought about not being seen at church.

I've never read the bible cover to cover, I tried once when I was much younger but didn't get much farther than the "...begets..." but never really had anything against the idea of a higher power/diety/force/energy/being/rock/etc.  As I got older and older I kept seeing people who would talk about church and Christianity and the bible and how great and wonderful they (including themselves) were, then I'd see then in the back of the school bus on a field trip giving handjobs or making out with several other people over the course of the bus ride (one of many examples.)  This hypocrisy helped to instil a healthy fear of the "religious."  

About this time I started equating the Bible with an Aesop's Fables based slasher flick, good morality stories but with some hard core smut thrown in to keep the older audiences reading.  

As I've seen more and more of the world I stopped keeping the warm and fuzzy idea that there was something greater out in the cosmos that somehow brought everything together in the end.  My being sent to invade Iraq back in the day probably was a final, silent nail in that coffin.

I was hesitant to think of myself as an atheist outright for a long time.  Then I gave up the waiting game for my own personal invisible super friend to come down and wipe away the woes of the world and save the day. I decided it really didn't matter if humanity was created for any particular purpose by anything.  I exist because I'm here, that's it.

So until somebody can convince me that their "God" is as advertised, I'll sit here watching the world burn around me.

Nothing terribly dramatic I'm afraid.  

[Occam]

My parents were brought up Catholic.  When my father was 13 he and his 11 year old brother were late to the Irish Catholic (really everyone but the French-Canadians) church.  Since the French Catholic church was much closer, my father and his  brother went in there. They were told they had to sit in the front row.  The kid with the collection basket dropped it and all the coins spewed out.  The priest stopped the sermon and said, "Ey, you two Irish boys.  You pick up all the money, and don't steal any of it because I'm watching you."  The congregation watched while these two kids got on their hands and knees and picked all the coins.  My father decided he wasn't going to go to church from then on.

The first Sunday after they got married, my mother got up and dressed.  She said, "Get up.  We've got to go to church."

My father said, "You go.  I'll be waiting here for you."  So she got undressed and hopped back into bed.  Three years later,  when I was born, I was baptised, but that was my only relationship with Catholocism.

My mother would check out mythology from the library, sit me on her lap and read the stories to me starting when I was three, so I learned to read early.  When I was seven, my aunt (a snooty, snotty woman) criticized my father for a) letting me read trash (comic books), and b) not giving me proper religious education.  My father said, "I don't care what he reads as long as he reads."

A month later, for my birthday, she gave me a child's Bible.  I loved it because it was one more great set of mythological fairytales.  I knew the other Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, etc. stories were fiction so I figured this was the same.

When I was ten, I heard the word "atheist" and decided that's what I was.  Then when I was twelve, I checked a book on the scientific method for kids out of the library.  I realized that, since I couldn't prove that god didn't exist I couldn't be an atheist so I became an agnostic.

When I was in college, my girlfriend (much brighter than I) asked, "Do you believe in the Tooth Fairy?"  "No."

"How about the Easter Bunny?"   "Of course not."

"But you do believe in Santa Claus, right?"   "No, I don't.  What are talking about?"

"Do you believe in god?"  "You know I'm an agnostic."

"Well, if you're an agnostic about god, why aren't you an agnostic about the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, and Santa Claus?"

I didn't speak to her for a week, but I've been an atheist ever since (60 years).

However, I later realized that while one can't disprove the existence of god, the very question is meaningless because of Popper's Principle of Falsifiability.  Any statement which cannot be proved false or true under any conditions is meaningless.  Second, by Occam's Razor, any concept which doesn't affect the situation is unnecessary and should not be added.  The putative existence of god has absolutely no demonstrable effect on anything in our physical world, so it is unnecessary.

Occam