advice please

[susangail]

So, as many of you know, I (fairly) recently "came out" to my mom and dad. The storm has passed a bit and things are going fairly well. My problem now is my sister. She doesn't know I'm an atheist. The last time I talked to her about anything of this topic was December 07 when I was having a "slump in my faith". I think she thinks I'm still in that "slump". It's getting harder to keep it from her because we're pretty close (at least we were). We share a room, and lately we've been talking about real stuff, like world issues, politics, etc. I can't express my opinions so well without saying something un-Christian (or even un-conservative).

She has been away in Romania on a mission for about two weeks, so I've been sort of relaxed for a bit. Now that she's back, I'm reminded that there's someone in the house I'm still hiding from. I know I have to tell her sooner or later, but I'm not sure when or even how. I don't know if I should wait for her to eventually bring it up (which could take awhile) or if I should just sit down with her and tell her.

I'm in the closet with a foot out. My parents and a few close friends know. I definitely want my sister to know before anyone at the church does. Ugh, it's a mess. I know I have to decide what I should do, but some of your input or simple support would really help me out.  

Thank you!

[weedoch]

Hi SusanGail.  It's funny how siblings can be harder to talk to than parents. Maybe parents are more likely to have unconditional love and so be more tolerant of their children (usually!). Also you have a serious quality of life issue in that you share so much time and space with your sister - who wants their recreational downtime to be awkward? I do think that telling her soon will be for the best, particularly as your parents already know and have more or less accepted it. You've done it once and are probably clearer in your own mind about what you believe and why now, so it may be easier this time. You may find that you can relax more around her once you're not hiding anything. Good luck - you're a strong, highly intelligent young woman and you have every right to think for yourself!

[Smallville]

Hello, SusanGail. It's tougher to "come out" to family than it is to friends and associates, no matter what your age.
I was in my fifties before I formally "outed" myself to family and it was harder with my folks than my brothers.

While the storm has passed a bit with the family that knows, the sister (depending on how close you are) may worsen the situation for a bit. She'll probably be angry and frustrated with you and with herself, thinking she failed you, failed God, failed not doing everything she could to 'save your soul'. She might even incite the rest of the family to a religious fervor.

Depending on how evangelical she is it might be truly harder for her than it was for your parents to accept. And she might try to make it her mission to 'save you'.

That's the hard side.

Once her anger is gone, she'll see that her sister is still the same person she always was. She should be easier to live with.
Will it be the same? Unfortunately, no.

But if your parents have respected your belief without going over the edge, if they have supported you, then they will probably back your decisions and help keep your sister in check.

Good luck.

[Evolved]

I have to agree with weedoch, here.  Since your parents already know, I think your sister may feel out of the loop if you keep it from her.  I wouldn't sit her down formally, necessarily; it sounds like your recent discussions with her will leave you ample opportunity to inject your beliefs.  It seems to me that you are leading by example in your life, and that speaks volumes.  When the dust settles, your parents and your sister will hopefully see that you are still the same bright and loving person.  Maybe...just maybe, they'll rethink their harshest judgements about atheists.

[susangail]

Thank you. I knew I had to tell her, sometimes I just need that extra push to make sure. I have been putting it off because it's different with her. With my dad, I didn't really care if I pissed him off because I'm already mad at him. But my sister... I don't want her to think badly of me. It will probably stir things up again for a bit but I think I can handle it. I (hopefully) get my license on Wednesday, so I think I'll wait until sometime after that, so I have an escape...

I can pretty much guarantee that she'll think this is part of my "slump" and she probably will think I'm not really an atheist, or that it's temporary. She will most certainly blame my BD. She'll probably think I'm angry with God for making me mental or something (my dad thought so and it was hard to explain that that wasn't the case). Or maybe the rebellious thing again... yup, I'm outcasting myself from everything I've ever known, making myself the black sheep of the family, leaving my friends from church, losing my reputation... all because I'm feeling a bit rebellious, yup that makes sense. Jeez, do they think I'm stupid?

Anyways...
thanks everyone. I'll let you know how it goes, when it happens...

[McQ]

susan, I don't really have any great advice on this one. You know what you need to do, but it's just a matter of how and when. If she wants to consider it a slump, that's her denial problem. If she wants to really know why, then engage her in conversation about why. Who knows, maybe you'll get her to start thinking about her beliefs.

[Loffler]

Ask for her help in talking you through your "religious slump." Then go back and forth with questions and answers. Both of you ask questions, both of you answer them. The only types of questions you should avoid answering are label questions: "Are you an atheist?" etc.

After a few hours she'll have a better grip on just how far you've thought this thing through, and better understand what lies underneath your convictions. She might come away with a newfound respect for atheism.

[susangail]

Ask for her help in talking you through your "religious slump." Then go back and forth with questions and answers. Both of you ask questions, both of you answer them. The only types of questions you should avoid answering are label questions: "Are you an atheist?" etc.

After a few hours she'll have a better grip on just how far you've thought this thing through, and better understand what lies underneath your convictions. She might come away with a newfound respect for atheism.

Never thought of that. Thanks.