Marriage - why do atheists do it?

[Smarmy Of One]

Romance and tax breaks, romance and tax breaks go together like . . . the horse . . . and . . . carriage . . .

I guess my girlfriend and I don't really see the romantic angle of marriage. I seriously just don't get it. I mean, we have lots of fun together, and we love each other very much. Like I wrote above, we are on our second house. We have been together longer than most of our married couple friends one of whom is now divorcing after 6 years together.

I don't think standing in front of a bunch of people and giving my girlfriend a ring is going to make our relationship stronger or better in any way.

I can understand the tax break thing. But in Canada common-law is considered equal to marriage under the law. We also have universal healthcare, so insurance is irrelevant.

Divorces are plentiful and easy these days, so as institutions go, marriage really doesn't seem like much of a strong one.

. . . I guess I'll just never get it.  :?

[lacey_sawyer]

I am not asking this question to be facetious or to antagonize and I apologize if this post comes off like a rant, but I seriously don't understand why non-religious people get married.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 12 years. We are on our second house together. Neither of us has any interest in getting married.

I mean, isn't it just to sanctify a union under god? We are both atheists, so the act is meaningless. Just another means of control by the church or state, like baptism.

I checked with my lawyer and the only benefit of a marriage under the law is that if one spouse dies, the other is automatically assumed as the beneficiary of the estate. However, my will covers this already.

I just don't get it. If any married or planning to get married atheists out there care to share their reasons, I really want to know.  :?

That is a good question. My husband and I felt something so strong for each other that we wanted to express it in a big way. Looking back, I think it is expressed more in the lives we live together than in the marriage.

Our marriage was short and devastating. We divorced and then reconciled. Now, things are better than ever. I don't want to get married, though I still feel the same way. I don't really see a reason if it doesn't benefit me financially or legally.

[rlrose328]

I've answered this question many times... I've made a commitment to my husband and we made it legal.  This allowed him to be covered by my medical insurance (at the time) and I hated my last name.  LOL!

Nothing more complicated than that.  We wanted to share the rest of our lives together and marriage was the legal contract we used to cement that commitment.

And the party.  And now, for me anyway, it's an additional gift-receiving occasion.  And I got a pretty dress for the day for which I was the center of attention.  

Hey, I'm a girl, we like that kind of thing.  

[ReflectingNarcissist]

The same reason lip-service christians go to church: ceremony and ritual.

I have no doubt at all that tax breaks and all that jazz play a role, but for the most part, I would believe it's for the sake of the relationship. Just without the third 'god' constituent thrown into the mixture.

[Smarmy Of One]

... and I hated my last name.

Best reason yet!

 

[SteveS]

Sounds to me, from this discussion, that depending on where you live there are practical considerations (these certainly have an impact on me, in the US).  Also, though, there are personal considerations.  Smarmy, I think you've illustrated that if the idea of marriage is useless to you then its no use getting married.  Given your situation and the laws of the nation of your residence, I find your decision completely understandable.

Here's a funny thing about marriage that always bothered me - the engagement ring.  It seems somehow barbaric, like you're "buying" a wife or something.  Does this bug anyone else, or am I just weird?

[Smarmy Of One]

Here's a funny thing about marriage that always bothered me - the engagement ring. It seems somehow barbaric, like you're "buying" a wife or something. Does this bug anyone else, or am I just weird?

Yeah, it's like a leash or something. Oh, and you probably are weird too.

 :wink:

[McQ]

Well, that's what my wife and I did. We just put her on a leash. Saved a bunch of money that we would have spent on a ring. Plus nothing says, "I'm taken" like a steel chain!

Here's a picture of her with her "engagement leash". (just kidding folks)



 

[Bella]

Here's a funny thing about marriage that always bothered me - the engagement ring.  It seems somehow barbaric, like you're "buying" a wife or something.  Does this bug anyone else, or am I just weird?

Yea, I always thought that men should have to wear them, too.

[Sophie]

Nice leash, McQ.  Does she have a chastity belt, too?  *smirk*

I agree with the engagement ring weirdness.  I know that many cultures had (probably some still do) a dowry or like in Ireland, where the women had a "fortune" (furniture, money, property) which made her more attractive as a wife.  But the man giving the woman a ring... not sure where that started.  I'll look it up later.

All that being said, my husband gave me a diamond ring that had been his grandmother's, so it was beautiful and had family meaning, too.  Seems dumb to bury someone with an engagement ring and make the next generation have to buy more.

[Smarmy Of One]

Yea, I always thought that men should have to wear them (engagement rings), too.

What do you think we're living in, some kind of fantasy Utopia where men and women are equal?! Thank god society holds onto it's traditions.

What are you, an anarchist or something?

 :wink:

[Court]

I'm not planning on getting married, either. A ring and a dress will not make my relationship with my partner any more serious, so I don't see why I should. As for benefits, I can buy health insurance from my university until I graduate, and then until I get my PhD. When I have the money to pay the court fees, I will be assigning my partner as my medical agent if I am somehow incapacitated. I never had any intention of us filing joint tax returns, but I changed my mind, you can do it without actually being married.

[SteveS]

Oh, and you probably are weird too.

Damn it!  Here I was, hoping against hope, but honestly I knew it all along.  :wink:

[rickymooston]

I'm not planning on getting married, either. A ring and a dress will not make my relationship with my partner any more serious, so I don't see why I should. As for benefits, I can buy health insurance from my university until I graduate, and then until I get my PhD. When I have the money to pay the court fees, I will be assigning my partner as my medical agent if I am somehow incapacitated. I never had any intention of us filing joint tax returns, but I changed my mind, you can do it without actually being married.

Interesting. I think I'd like to one day but I hope its not too lavish and expensive. I guess for me, it just kind of says, "yep this is the one".

That said, had some long term relationships did not work out that way?Regrets? Yep, tons, ... Always dated older girls and wish I'd either settled down with them already, or given my "late bloomer" status that I'd gone with somewhat younger ones.

 One of my ex's has 3 or 4 kids now, she is
"vice president" of a toast master's club and has a solid position as an engineer.

Another is a single mom with two kids with a pretty good career. She had her last kid artificially because her biological clock was ticking. I probably had the best relationship with her but she has some issues related to a jerk father and ... long story. We're still pretty good friends.

I feel guilty but i really do want to have my own kids. Its a silly sentiment but for some reason my family members don't seem to get many, at least the ones in Canada on my dad's side. My mum made me very "sentiment" about my 6 generation canadian status and stuff. Anyway, I was not brought up with religion but marriage is pretty ingrained into my 40 year old head as something a person should do. I may actually hate the details; divorces are NASTY and in Canada the man is SCREWED if he divorces.

(The only exception I know involved a friend dating an Iranian guy who LIED in court saying he was supporting his "poor" parents oversees; they are actually very wealthy. That was actually a paternity suit case but in divorce as well, the guy gets SCREWED under Canadian law.

I have a friend, he and his ex-wife make almost the same salary, (she makes slightly yes but has job-security and pension benefits, they have
joint custody of the kids, but he had to fork over tons of money to her.)

[Steve Reason]

Steve Reason: Aw, honey, I'm sure you're not that bad looking!  Studies have shown that being confident and upbeat (not Tony Robbins annoying, but like Drew Carey or Hugh Laurie) are more important than looks.

I have a dear girlfriend that feels "terminally single," but when we talk about life, we have the same amount of negatives and positives.  *shrug*

Sorry if that's too mother hen-ish.  :-/  I just enjoy your posts, and hate to see anyone be down on themselves.  We all do it, but it sucks.

*cyberhug*
sophie

Thanks, you're a sweetheart.