Funny Stories from Your Past

[Ali]

The game thread (The Next Person....) got me thinking about something that happened a lifetime ago but still makes me giggle.  (Thanks Asmo, for making me picture hot wax being poured on a person's nether regions.)

Years ago when I was in college, I lived in a house with several roommates.  One fine summer afternoon, I was sitting out on the back porch smoking and talking on my cell, when one of my female roommates came waddling out in a bathrobe with a rather panicky look on her face.  I'll attempt to recreate our convo for dramatic effect, but I'm sure it's not word for word.

Roomie:  I need your help.
Ali:  I'm talking to J (my now husband, then "just friends" friend), can it wait a sec?
R: Uuuhhhh.....
A: Okay, hang on (says goodbyes to J)  What's up?
R:  I bought one of those home waxing kits.....and I tried it....and the paper pulled away, leaving the wax stuck to my hair, and now I can't get it off....and I've, uh, sealed myself shut.
A: *Blank uncomprehending stare*
R: MY GIRL PARTS ARE GLUED SHUT!!!
A:  (laughs and laughs and laughs)
R:  It's not funny, what do I do?
A:  Have you tried showering?
R:  Yes, of course, and sitting in a hot bath.  I was stuck to the tub for a minute too.
A: (laughs and laughs and laughs)  Okay, well....we could try melting it off with a blow dryer....
(It's okay if you pause for a moment here to picture Ali pointing a blow dryer at her roommates private parts, brow furrowed in concentration.  I always do.)
R:  No!  Anyway, I don't think it would be hot enough to melt it, and if it was, it would hurt.
A:  Ice?  Peanut butter?
R:  What?!?  Why?!?
A:  Well that's what is supposed to work if you get gum stuck in your hair.  Tomato juice?  No wait, that's skunks.
R:  I should have asked N (male roommate)
A:  Doesn't your cousin do hair?  Call her, I bet she knows.

Turns out, Roomie's Cousin did know.  Baby oil.  So, if you ever seal bits of yourself shut with hot wax, baby oil takes it right off.  You're welcome.

So, tell me a funny from your past now!

[DeterminedJuliet]

Bahahaha! I don't know if I have any that can top that, but I'll do something thinking and get back to ya

[Asmodean]

Shoulda' called The Asmo. He's good at organic solvents. 

[Crow]

NO FLIPPING WAY! hahahahahaha.

[Ali]

NO FLIPPING WAY! hahahahahaha.

Swear to Asmo, it happened!  LOL!!!  I can still picture her standing there in that white bathrobe, all red faced and sweaty.  LMAO

[En_Route]

Ah yes, "I'd really love to, but unfortunately my girl parts are glued shut" .  How often did I hear that line in response to my soulful entreaties!

[Tank]

I once had to buy a hacksaw because I lost the keys to a set of handcuffs. I then discovered you can't saw chain so had buy a set of bolt cutters and find a lock smith. He didn't ask any questions but he really really wanted to!!!

[Asmodean]

It's obvious enough though... Clothes on probably means on the run from law enforcement. Clothes off probably means was spanked recently.

[Tank]

It's obvious enough though... Clothes on probably means on the run from law enforcement. Clothes off probably means was spanked recently.

Nope. 

[Ali]

It's obvious enough though... Clothes on probably means on the run from law enforcement. Clothes off probably means was spanked recently.

Nope. 

So you were the spanker instead of the spankee?

[Tank]

It's obvious enough though... Clothes on probably means on the run from law enforcement. Clothes off probably means was spanked recently.

Nope. 

So you were the spanker instead of the spankee?

Long story 

[Hector Valdez]

Hmm... that's an interesting scenario. Hold on, lemme visualize it for a bit...mmm...uh-huh...hmm...yeah.

Well, I don't have a particular story to top that, but there was that one time when I openly admitted to not understanding how the sexual odor smells like fish, thus cementing my reputation as a virgin amongst my classmates. I have, however, held abreast.

[DeterminedJuliet]

Hmm... that's an interesting scenario. Hold on, lemme visualize it for a bit...mmm...uh-huh...hmm...yeah.

Well, I don't have a particular story to top that, but there was that one time when I openly admitted to not understanding how the sexual odor smells like fish, thus cementing my reputation as a virgin amongst my classmates. I have, however, held abreast.

Uhhhhh, not in my experience, it doesn't.

[Hector Valdez]

It does with certain yeast infections, I suppose. Then again, we were discussing shakespeare in the park. O.O But I really don't know. I am, alas, a virgin. 

[Ali]

Hmm... that's an interesting scenario. Hold on, lemme visualize it for a bit...mmm...uh-huh...hmm...yeah.

Well, I don't have a particular story to top that, but there was that one time when I openly admitted to not understanding how the sexual odor smells like fish, thus cementing my reputation as a virgin amongst my classmates. I have, however, held abreast.

Uhhhhh, not in my experience, it doesn't.

Reminds me of the 40 Year Old Virgin where he compares the breast to a bag of sand....