A friend of mine vs his parents.

[Sweetdeath]

as someone in her thirties and still afraid of telling her parents (lol i know!)

Why? Are you trying to protect them, yourself or both? Or are you just afraid of a good confrontation?

Why are you afraid?
Come on now....

[Amicale]

I'm pretty sure it was Rich Lyons on the Living After Faith podcast who once made this comment (paraphrased) about skeptic/atheist people who are still living with religious family members: if you can't afford to move out and support yourself and you're reasonably sure that you'd be forced to if you told your family about your atheism, then wait it out. Use the time under their roof to learn as much as you can, read as much as you can, talk with people online if you can, and do your best to just be yourself - be as helpful, polite and considerate as you've ever been. When the time comes to get your stuff together and move out, that's when you can tell your family about your ideas, and because you'll have more of a firm grasp of the arguments and because you will have had the same consistent personality all along, they're much less likely to freak out. You'd be able to talk with them more reasonably, since your atheism won't be new to you anymore, and you'll be able to remind them that all along, you've been who you always have been. I thought it was good advice, anyhow.

Of course, if your friend thinks he may be able to calmly speak with them about his ideas now without getting kicked out, then that would be even more reasonable. Not that my experience mirrors anyone else's (and I'm not talking about strict, insane families), but I've found that in time, your family can generally get used to an awful lot you never imagined they'd be able to get used to.

[Asmodean]

You know, getting kicked out of the house might not be bad for you under certain circumstances. Generally, I would not advise someone to avoid that at all costs without knowing their background.

[Stevil]

Horrible situation when the love of parents is dependent on their kid believing in an imaginary god.

I don't think I'd be happy at all living with that guillotine hanging over my head.  Some gay kids must have a similar situation.


I know if it were me I'd be honest and straight up and face whatever consequences that would have.
I wouldn't allow others to pressure me into living a lie.

But depending on personality, that may not be good advice for this kid.

[Amicale]

You know, getting kicked out of the house might not be bad for you under certain circumstances. Generally, I would not advise someone to avoid that at all costs without knowing their background.

I wouldn't advise someone to avoid getting kicked out at all costs without knowing their background either. I've had friends who got kicked out in their mid teens for several different reasons, and a few have told me that crashing on friends' couches and/or staying in shelters or youth centers was preferable to the violence or emotional abuse they faced back at "home".

Everyone has individual circumstances, but I'd say generally that if your circumstances at home are manageable, tolerable and do not involve any sort of abuse (rather, that they mostly just involve annoyance and inconvenience) then staying would at least guarantee someone a safe place to sleep, food to eat, and perhaps other types of stability until they're able to move out on their own. But again, if someone feels like they'll be in personal danger by staying, then getting kicked out or leaving voluntarily could potentially be best. It really all depends.

[xSilverPhinx]

Well, personally, I'd nearly go to war over baptism. But then, even as a 15-16 year old, I was able to live with quite a bit of scorched earth.

I would too, but that was when I was young. I just knew I didn't want it but didn't really care to know why. These days I wouldn't want to be part of the statistics on how many of a certain religion (which is assumed if you're baptised) and would refuse on those grounds.

[Asmodean]

Oh, even at that age, I would have had some clear and numerous reasons for my refusal, but I would only voice them if asked.

[kitty]

as someone in her thirties and still afraid of telling her parents (lol i know!)

Why? Are you trying to protect them, yourself or both? Or are you just afraid of a good confrontation?

haha, no i'm not afraid of a good confrontation. i think i'm just trying to protect her, i know how much it means to her, how distraught she is about my sister not being a believer any more. she's my mum, and i love her, thats it. i just dont want to hurt her feelings, but it's inevitable.

You know, getting kicked out of the house might not be bad for you under certain circumstances. Generally, I would not advise someone to avoid that at all costs without knowing their background.

I wouldn't advise someone to avoid getting kicked out at all costs without knowing their background either. I've had friends who got kicked out in their mid teens for several different reasons, and a few have told me that crashing on friends' couches and/or staying in shelters or youth centers was preferable to the violence or emotional abuse they faced back at "home".

Everyone has individual circumstances, but I'd say generally that if your circumstances at home are manageable, tolerable and do not involve any sort of abuse (rather, that they mostly just involve annoyance and inconvenience) then staying would at least guarantee someone a safe place to sleep, food to eat, and perhaps other types of stability until they're able to move out on their own. But again, if someone feels like they'll be in personal danger by staying, then getting kicked out or leaving voluntarily could potentially be best. It really all depends.

agreed. tis good advice.

[Asmodean]

i just dont want to hurt her feelings, but it's inevitable.

On some level, I understand that. However, I think I'd be more hurt by having been lied to for years than by a straight-forward disagreement with some of my core ideals.

[Sweetdeath]

Unless she's like 95yrs old (which i doubt...)

... Well, whatever. Do as you please. You are an adult.

[waitin4godot]

In most situations like this, it's better for the child just to ride it out.  Sadly dogma can trump parental responsibility for some people and they could use this as an excuse to 'lock-down' his life. 

yea i agree

[markmcdaniel]

Welcome. I am going to have to go with Ali on this one.