Author Topic: New member to the HAF  (Read 3874 times)

Angler28

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Re: New member to the HAF
« Reply #75 on: May 04, 2012, 02:02:02 PM »
No problem with the 3rd person.  :)

I know that I'm not a perfect person, and I've done my fair share of things to make her mad and vice versa, but this completely blindsided me. If I would have know she was going to react that way, I would have been more subtle about it. There is only one thing I can think of in the past that happened that gave her reason to doubt me, I won't go into too much detail. My best friend was engaged to a girl and things were going really great for them. Friends of our that knew her though, were saying that she was crazy and all this, but from what we saw she was very sane and they got along great. They dated for about 6 months, then decided to move in together. They lived together for about another 6 months. All if a sudden she started treating my friend like crap, staying out really late, going out and leaving him home, things like that. Turns out all our friends were right. We all worked together at the same place and this crazy fiance started spreading rumors that her and I had slept together. My friend and I saw it for what it was, she was just trying to hurt him, but my wife believed it. You see, the ex that would abuse her, regularly cheated on her. As irony would have it, he cheated on her with my ex girlfriend that cheated on me once, so she had some trust issues. I figured that nearly ten years of loyal friendship and love would help her deal with those issues.

Anyway, my friend convinced my wife that it was all just a bunch of BS and that she was crazy. Things calmed down and went back to normal, but I know that it's still lurking in the back of her mind, then when I told her about my atheism, as someone said a few posts back, she's probably wondering what else I haven't told her.
"The worst day of fishing is better than the best day at work."

Tank

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Re: New member to the HAF
« Reply #76 on: May 04, 2012, 02:09:23 PM »
Was your wife's ex an atheist?
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
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Angler28

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Re: New member to the HAF
« Reply #77 on: May 04, 2012, 03:56:43 PM »
No, I can't remember, but he was either catholic or christian. She had two or three atheist friend when she was in high school and was really close to them. She would talk about them all the time. I have never heard her say anything negative about atheists or atheism, until I told he I was one. Believe me, I'm scratching my head too.  :)
"The worst day of fishing is better than the best day at work."

Tank

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Re: New member to the HAF
« Reply #78 on: May 04, 2012, 04:41:06 PM »
No, I can't remember, but he was either catholic or christian. She had two or three atheist friend when she was in high school and was really close to them. She would talk about them all the time. I have never heard her say anything negative about atheists or atheism, until I told he I was one. Believe me, I'm scratching my head too.  :)
I bet you are. I have no 'sound bite' answers either. I think it's a case of 'watch this space'.
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
“Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt.” ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

DeterminedJuliet

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Re: New member to the HAF
« Reply #79 on: May 04, 2012, 05:20:44 PM »
Not to be belittle your wife's feelings,  but pregnancy hormones really might have something to do with it. When my sister and I were both pregnant at the same time we got into the most ridiculous argument ever (about baby names). Looking back at it, it's kind of laughable at how far it escalated, but at the time we were both REALLY upset about it. Trying to figure out where she's coming from might be futile right now. Pregnancy can do crazy things to people and no two pregnancies, even with the same person, are identical.
"We’ve thought of life by analogy with a journey, with pilgrimage which had a serious purpose at the end, and the THING was to get to that end; success, or whatever it is, or maybe heaven after you’re dead. But, we missed the point the whole way along; It was a musical thing and you were supposed to sing, or dance, while the music was being played.

Angler28

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Re: New member to the HAF
« Reply #80 on: May 04, 2012, 10:09:29 PM »
That's very true Juliet. I'm just going to give he space and not make her fret over anything, for her and the baby's sake.
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xSilverPhinx

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Re: New member to the HAF
« Reply #81 on: May 05, 2012, 12:46:00 AM »
I don't know this for sure (of course since I don't know your wife), but another thought that crossed my mind is that she could be going through some real cognitive dissonance right now. You said that she does believe in hell and that non believers go there right? That would mean an eternal separation in her mind. I suspect that if your children were to one day declare themselves atheists and she still held her beliefs, she would react in more or less the same way (despite of what she told you)...

If she is struggling with that dissonance, then just that can be extremely stressful. Something is going to have to change, either she changes her beliefs (not saying become an atheist necessarily, but her views on hell) or she accepts in her mind that you will burn forever. Since what she believes is her reality, which in turn influences her thoughts, emotions and actions, they really matter and should be taken into consideration. Whether hell is real or not is secondary (unless she changes her beliefs). 

For now though she seems to be coping with it by thinking that you will become a believer again and saved in the end.

You're in a complicated situation. :(   
Give no mercy to your fear.



Angler28

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Re: New member to the HAF
« Reply #82 on: May 05, 2012, 05:02:49 AM »
You're in a complicated situation. :(   

Tell me about it, and I know her well enough that I am certain that she means what she says. I'm just going to leave it alone and see if she approaches me about it at some point.
"The worst day of fishing is better than the best day at work."