Author Topic: Noob with dark question (not a HAPPY atheist)  (Read 4240 times)

Asmodean

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Re: Noob with dark question (not a HAPPY atheist)
« Reply #30 on: November 10, 2011, 08:18:36 PM »
Hey. Not an atheist, but do/did struggle with suicide attempts and depression. My first real drop, I started reading the Bible.... Needless to say that was a bad idea and i never tried that method of coping again. (Started reading in Revelation) Second drop, tried alcohol, (yet another dumb idea). Most of my 8th grade year is a blur to me now. Then my third drop, I tried a mixture of stupidity, pills, alcohol, cutting, drugs, and any guy I could get my hands on. Again, another stupid thing to do. Once I got over that though, I started channeling my energy, (Or lack there of) into things that I love to do, like writing. Now, about 5 months later, I'm writing songs for my main band and playing in a side project and starting to genuinely smile again.
Not bad...

Although I wouldn't call alcohol, pills, cutting and sex with anything that moves stupid on general bases - for someone somewhere, it might actually work. Then again... Sometimes coping and/or making shit work is just not the objective.
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Re: Noob with dark question (not a HAPPY atheist)
« Reply #31 on: November 10, 2011, 08:37:26 PM »
Hey. Not an atheist, but do/did struggle with suicide attempts and depression. My first real drop, I started reading the Bible.... Needless to say that was a bad idea and i never tried that method of coping again. (Started reading in Revelation) Second drop, tried alcohol, (yet another dumb idea). Most of my 8th grade year is a blur to me now. Then my third drop, I tried a mixture of stupidity, pills, alcohol, cutting, drugs, and any guy I could get my hands on. Again, another stupid thing to do. Once I got over that though, I started channeling my energy, (Or lack there of) into things that I love to do, like writing. Now, about 5 months later, I'm writing songs for my main band and playing in a side project and starting to genuinely smile again.
Not bad...

Although I wouldn't call alcohol, pills, cutting and sex with anything that moves stupid on general bases - for someone somewhere, it might actually work. Then again... Sometimes coping and/or making shit work is just not the objective.
Well, it wasn't really helping me cope, it was, more or less a crutch to keep myself within an inch of life. And considering that at the time is escalated to the point of the mixture I was not older than 13, it wasn't a good thing. I'm just lucky I never got caught.
"Accepting the truth and keeping faith is a strong thing to do. Mixing the two however, is the dumbest thing you've ever attempted." - Radical Ostriches Bringing Eternal Requiem Tonight
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Asmodean

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Re: Noob with dark question (not a HAPPY atheist)
« Reply #32 on: November 10, 2011, 08:43:11 PM »
I made it to fourteen without cutting. A good way of getting them endrogenous drugs fast and that psychological bloodthirst quenched, if you ask me.

Some people seemed to think it was a "cry for help" or some such... Oh, get a life an' mind your own business, assholes! It was my way of helping myself, not asking others to fix what they could not. Annoyed the shit out of me, as I seem to remember, since I wanted not to be helped, but to be left alone.
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Re: Noob with dark question (not a HAPPY atheist)
« Reply #33 on: November 10, 2011, 08:53:50 PM »
Some people seemed to think it was a "cry for help" or some such... Oh, get a life an' mind your own business, assholes! It was my way of helping myself, not asking others to fix what they could not. Annoyed the shit out of me, as I seem to remember, since I wanted not to be helped, but to be left alone.
I know what you mean. A chick in my class saw some of the cuts one day, and told the teacher. Luckily for me, (or unfortunately, depending on how you see it) she didn't care and would have rather had me dead than in her class.
"Accepting the truth and keeping faith is a strong thing to do. Mixing the two however, is the dumbest thing you've ever attempted." - Radical Ostriches Bringing Eternal Requiem Tonight
Advocate for the abnormal.
"They say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last ti

Asmodean

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Re: Noob with dark question (not a HAPPY atheist)
« Reply #34 on: November 10, 2011, 08:58:26 PM »
I know what you mean. A chick in my class saw some of the cuts one day, and told the teacher. Luckily for me, (or unfortunately, depending on how you see it) she didn't care and would have rather had me dead than in her class.
The people like that chick were high on my killing spree list - if you care so much, try asking whether I want to be helped or not before you run off to get me a nice padded room. Perhaps long life and good health are neither my objectives nor things I value.
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Re: Noob with dark question (not a HAPPY atheist)
« Reply #35 on: November 10, 2011, 09:02:34 PM »
Perhaps long life and good health are neither my objectives nor things I value.
Someone who gets me. I remember the first time in my class that we discussed how old we wanted to be and who we wanted to be with when we died. A lot of the responses were the typical teenage dream, wanting to be old (around 80 or 90) and die in their lovers arms... I was shunned and called an emo freak for a month because I said i wanted to die by 50 and I wanted to die either screwing some dude senseless or having a wreckless fun time, like skydiving, or bridge jumping. The assholes sent me to the counselor for a week before and after school, and at lunch.
"Accepting the truth and keeping faith is a strong thing to do. Mixing the two however, is the dumbest thing you've ever attempted." - Radical Ostriches Bringing Eternal Requiem Tonight
Advocate for the abnormal.
"They say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last ti

Asmodean

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Re: Noob with dark question (not a HAPPY atheist)
« Reply #36 on: November 10, 2011, 09:25:10 PM »
I was shunned and called an emo freak for a month because I said i wanted to die by 50 and I wanted to die either screwing some dude senseless or having a wreckless fun time, like skydiving, or bridge jumping. The assholes sent me to the counselor for a week before and after school, and at lunch.
50 good years are better than 90 mediocre ones.

And if all you get is shitty years, then sometimes even 20 is far too many.
« Last Edit: November 10, 2011, 09:26:53 PM by Asmodean »
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Re: Noob with dark question (not a HAPPY atheist)
« Reply #37 on: November 10, 2011, 09:30:02 PM »
50 good years are better than 90 mediocre ones.
And if all you get is shitty years, then sometimes even 20 is far too many.
I agree completely. And yet, everyone else thought that I was gonna go and kill myself simple because of that belief. But then again, most sixth graders are really unknowledgeable.
"Accepting the truth and keeping faith is a strong thing to do. Mixing the two however, is the dumbest thing you've ever attempted." - Radical Ostriches Bringing Eternal Requiem Tonight
Advocate for the abnormal.
"They say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last ti

Asmodean

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Re: Noob with dark question (not a HAPPY atheist)
« Reply #38 on: November 10, 2011, 09:35:09 PM »
I agree completely. And yet, everyone else thought that I was gonna go and kill myself simple because of that belief. But then again, most sixth graders are really unknowledgeable.
Kids are idiots... Understandable, that. Forgiveable, even. Trouble is, far too often they grow out of their pants faster than they grow out of their idiocy.
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Re: Noob with dark question (not a HAPPY atheist)
« Reply #39 on: November 11, 2011, 12:26:55 AM »
Trouble is, far too often they grow out of their pants faster than they grow out of their idiocy.
So true. Sometime, if I see some of the ones who still remember that they'll ask me to show them my wrist, to which I reply, "My wrists are fine it's my fingers that hurt." and proceed to flip them off.
"Accepting the truth and keeping faith is a strong thing to do. Mixing the two however, is the dumbest thing you've ever attempted." - Radical Ostriches Bringing Eternal Requiem Tonight
Advocate for the abnormal.
"They say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last ti

pytheas

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Re: Noob with dark question (not a HAPPY atheist)
« Reply #40 on: January 19, 2012, 02:19:15 PM »
@Hattiecakes
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1) I genuinely don't understand why it isn't more prevalent. The fact that it seems so unthinkable to people is the only thing that makes me think I'm missing something...

 
the termination of what is called the Egoic self causes fear usually. You may be missing the usual fear mediating chemical signals. Unthinkable it becomes as soon as some, any joy can be derived form life
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2) Is suicide only unthinkable to people as a result of religious cultural hangover, and it isn't unthinkable to a truly secular person?
people which are severely unipolar do not hesitate, they try once and succeed. More on truly secular below. The motives are emotional and do not obey rational thought analysis neither imposed "belief" dogma
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3) Basically: Suicide seems like a rational, even attractive (sometimes) option for me--to what extent is this my secularism, and to what extent my depression?
Author Albert Camus. Book = the myth of sisiphus. In there he deliberates why the single most important question is why should we NOT kill ourselves. He answers with some difficulty. It is hard philosophy from an extremely clever and insightful man. in a more common psychanalysis attempt Yalom's book entitled garden of epicurus puts forth some argument about how we can dispel the fear of death. it may have an effect on you  
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4) Sometimes I think it's this litigious society that keeps anyone from telling me "No, there is technically no reason one should not kill oneself if one wishes."

There is technically no reason if you so wish, I will refrain from commenting on certain societies
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5) But I have surfed a few atheist blogs and they seem to operate under the assumption that suicide is never an option--unless you are old or terminally ill. Why the distinction?
because the key word is intolerable pain, beyond alterations in perspective, with the knowledge of morbidity= what pains you now will and is killing you. Depression is an affliction of perspective, distorted looking glasses. Be sure though if anguish becomes unmanagable everyone self-terminates, even masochists
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6) I am interested to hear any unsentimental atheist notions about why suicide is or isn't acceptable as a solution to major depressive disorder or anything else; also interested in atheist stuff to live for, and atheist "meaning of life."
the funeral monument of a guy named sikilos had a musical script with a poem, from the first ones 200bc. find it, listen to it on youtube. it says, "as long as you live shine within the notion that you cannot spend all your moments in sorrow, life has just a short while to last, Time will demand your ending

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7) I would like to gauge whether or to what extent my inclination toward suicidal thought is mental illness, or whether it's a rational reaction to a world that I do not enjoy living in
very good point. An inflamed swollen face is a NORMAL reaction to the stinging of a wasp. Are you certain you have exhausted the options that exist to extract joy?the mental illness is the inability to attain joy by any means. we have basic human needs that might not be addressed for you to fulfill your existence. A word of caution on substitutes. they can go only so far in addressing particular needs that require particular provisions. Find physical human friends , give help and be loved- more later
« Last Edit: January 19, 2012, 04:32:02 PM by pytheas »
"Not what we have But what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance.”
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“Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little.”
by EPICURUS 4th century BCE

Asmodean

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Re: Noob with dark question (not a HAPPY atheist)
« Reply #41 on: January 19, 2012, 04:04:12 PM »
Just to point out, you are not a moderator, so could you change the fire engine red to either black with proper quotes or something else?
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Ali

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Re: Noob with dark question (not a HAPPY atheist)
« Reply #42 on: January 19, 2012, 04:36:32 PM »
Did she ever come back?

pytheas

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Re: Noob with dark question (not a HAPPY atheist)
« Reply #43 on: January 19, 2012, 04:37:05 PM »
Just to point out, you are not a moderator, so could you change the fire engine red to either black with proper quotes or something else?
sorry, didn't mean to step on any toes, simply unaware of the colour-coded rank significance. Was unable at the time to use the keyboard/mouse effectively and I certainly prefer the look with the blue quotes and black response.
everlearning
"Not what we have But what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance.”
"Freedom is the greatest fruit of self-sufficiency”
“Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little.”
by EPICURUS 4th century BCE

pytheas

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Re: Noob with dark question (not a HAPPY atheist)
« Reply #44 on: January 19, 2012, 04:42:02 PM »
Did she ever come back?
so long as her original post is not deleted
her lifespan extends with that of this forum
I would prefer not to know unless it's her telling
"Not what we have But what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance.”
"Freedom is the greatest fruit of self-sufficiency”
“Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little.”
by EPICURUS 4th century BCE