Why Are There Gay Men?

[technolud]

Of course I mean it. Why wouldn't I?

Just seems there are a lot of things on the close personal relationship scale come ahead of the the pretty scale.

[Sweetdeath]

Everyone has a different type. Shouldnt we accept our awesome preferences?

Sure, some like the big muscles, asymetrical face or wide hips, but not everyone does.

Me, for instance likes small, small hips ( i only am attracted to Japanese men and women for the most part)--- and gotta have something unique about their face. A 'perfect' model or person just doesn't exist. I like people who admit to liking the differences in people.


As far as sex-- looks have nothing to do with it. 

[Asmodean]

Just seems there are a lot of things on the close personal relationship scale come ahead of the the pretty scale.

The first thing that usually greets me in a face to face meeting with a person is that person's face. If I dislike looking at it, why sould I still want to dig deeper to discover the wonderful aspects of their personality? I'm lucky enough to know some great people who manage to combine a personality compatible with my own with looks ranging from not disagreeable to 8-9 on the abovementioned scale, so... No real loss for me. Why lower my standards in the name of political correctness?

It's not about maintaining a close personal relationship - it's about establishing new ones. If a friend of mine took a shotgun blast to the face, we would likely still be friends. However, if I met a shotgun to the face survivor I had no prior dealings with, I'd not be open for any kind of relationship beyond professional as colleagues or service provider vs. customer.

[Sweetdeath]

That's an interesting perspective, Asmo.



(sorry, but i cant look at that poor woman who was maimed by the Chimp in US, without nightmares.) 

[technolud]

The first thing that usually greets me in a face to face meeting with a person is that person's face. If I dislike looking at it, why sould I still want to dig deeper to discover the wonderful aspects of their personality?

Undoubtedly its true, you can pick your friends for any reason you wish.

[Asmodean]

Undoubtedly its true, you can pick your friends for any reason you wish.

Yes, and I pick mine after having been picked by them, unless I dislike them for whatever reason.

[Will37]

That's an interesting perspective, Asmo.



(sorry, but i cant look at that poor woman who was maimed by the Chimp in US, without nightmares.) 

You misspelled, 'shallow.'

[Asmodean]

You misspelled, 'shallow.'

Oh, please! Most relationships most people have with each other are skin-deep.

When not looking for precious minerals, there is nothing wrong with not digging deeper.

[Will37]

You misspelled, 'shallow.'

Oh, please! Most relationships most people have with each other are skin-deep.

When not looking for precious minerals, there is nothing wrong with not digging deeper.

Sure.  Because most relationships make no pretense to emotional intimacy.  Friendships do.  And since sexual arousal is not an important aspect of friendships there's really no reason why you would evaluate somebody's potential to be a friend on their physical appearance.  So you're a shallow person.  Big fucking deal.  You can be shallow if you want to be.  I think it's a bit of a pathetic way to evaluate people but that's just my opinion. 

[Asmodean]

It's actually very simple.

Thing is, I would not buy a car, take a picture or get a dog if I found said object to be ugly. Why should I treat people differently? Oh, sure, a person who doesn't make me throw up inside just a little probably hasn't got much more to give in terms of friendship than a person who looks like the third world war, plague and/or a host of other misfortunes have befallen them, but given the choice between the two, why would I pick the one I DO mind looking at?

The dots over the is are just dots. However, they are sort of nice to have.

[Will37]

It's actually very simple.

Thing is, I would not buy a car, take a picture or get a dog if I found said object to be ugly. Why should I treat people differently? Oh, sure, a person who doesn't make me throw up inside just a little probably hasn't got much more to give in terms of friendship than a person who looks like the third world war, plague and/or a host of other misfortunes have befallen them, but given the choice between the two, why would I pick the one I DO mind looking at?

The dots over the is are just dots. However, they are sort of nice to have.

Right, you're argument is simple.  I understand your argument.  It's fine.  If you want to have shallow criteria for selecting friends then have those shallow standards.  If it bothers you that somebody out there may point out that judging who you are willing to consider for the prestigious position of being your friend based on how they look is shallow then get new criteria.  If you don't want to abandon the criteria then just be comfortable with the fact that you are, in at least one aspect of your life, a shallow person.  I wouldn't date someone who I'm not attracted to on any level.  I think it's fine since sexual attraction is a major component to a romantic relationship but there are some people who think I'm shallow for saying that. 

[Asmodean]

Right, you're argument is simple.  I understand your argument.  It's fine.  If you want to have shallow criteria for selecting friends then have those shallow standards.

Simple, you agree with. The point, you avoid and/or attempt to mould into something else.

Becoming my friend is a process. I do not call every random acquaintance, coffee buddy or co-worker a friend. I do not even call everyone I invite to a party my friend - most of them are not, some are getting there and others are trying, but never will. Someone who can call me friend is someone who knows they can rely on my putting their needs ahead of my personal comforts when it matters.

How do you propose someone who, for instance, looks like that woman SD mentioned get that far?

If it bothers you that somebody out there may point out that judging who you are willing to consider for the prestigious position of being your friend based on how they look is shallow then get new criteria.

Oh, no, not at all! It doesn't bother me. I just don't like near-misses when people interprete my points.

If you don't want to abandon the criteria then just be comfortable with the fact that you are, in at least one aspect of your life, a shallow person.

I'm sure I'm shallow over quite a large area. However, this is not a beach zone.

I wouldn't date someone who I'm not attracted to on any level.  I think it's fine since sexual attraction is a major component to a romantic relationship but there are some people who think I'm shallow for saying that. 

I would not date a drag queen, but a drag queen could certainly become my friend. I did not say I have to get a boner every time I see one of my friends, nor would I have sex with most of them if they paid me for it. There is a difference between romantic attraction and repulsion. This case is about that second point, or the lack thereof. If I'm not repulsed by you, be it on aesthetic or personality level, you are welcome to befriend me. If I am, you are welcome to try, but I won't budge. Lots of ice in my little black heart, and I'm the first to admit it.

[fester30]

My wife is what I like to call pleasingly plump.  She's 5'4" 210lbs... obviously not model material.  Most people I talk to think that I'm some kind of good guy that was able to see past her appearance and love the person she is.  I have to respond that the first thing I noticed was her appearance, and I thought she was hot.  I'm just not attracted to skinny women.  Sure, I love everything about my wife's personality, but I'll be honest, the only thing on my mind during our first date was how much I wanted to get that hottie back to my place.  Nobody calls me shallow because my wife doesn't have the Cosmo cover look, but I'm just as shallow as a man who only dates women who look like cover models.

Now that I read this, I'm not entirely certain how this fits into this discussion.  I don't care what someone looks like when I select friends, but that's a personal preference.  There I guess that maybe adds something, not sure.

[Asmodean]

Oh, it's a perfect little derail we are doing here and your post does fit into it. The Asmo is pleased 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and in my case, someone would have to be REALLY fat for that alone to have any effect on the potential of a closer-than-some-random-person-I-know relationship.

When I am at the stage where I call someone a friend, their looks are irrelevant. However, in order to get to the top tiers of my acquaintance pyramid, they still do have to pass a few dozen filters, physical repulsion check being one of them.

[Sweetdeath]

That's an interesting perspective, Asmo.



(sorry, but i cant look at that poor woman who was maimed by the Chimp in US, without nightmares.) 

You misspelled, 'shallow.'

Guy, you really don't want to start with me.