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Community => Parenting Beyond Belief => Topic started by: TheOGMamaBear on October 01, 2009, 12:35:29 AM

Title: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: TheOGMamaBear on October 01, 2009, 12:35:29 AM
Hi. Here is a thread for all parents trying to raise free thinkers. :)
Title: Re: Is there a thread for parents?
Post by: Whitney on October 01, 2009, 01:23:14 AM
I don't think so...feel free to start one.
Title: Re: Is there a thread for parents?
Post by: rlrose328 on October 01, 2009, 01:53:10 AM
Hey MamaBear... I've got a 9yo son who insists he's an atheist but who is very gullible and naive.  Hubby thinks there's no doubt he'll probably be a believer some day.  Who knows.
Title: Re: Is there a thread for parents?
Post by: skurry on October 01, 2009, 04:08:48 AM
Quote from: "TheOGMamaBear"
Is there a thread for parents or a sticky for parents?

If not there should be. I could really use other sinning non-believers who also raise children to talk to.

There is now.  :cool:

I am a father of a 10 month old. The reason I started getting "involved" in atheism is merely to be able to explain things to him. I already knew my lack of beliefs but want to be able to answer questions for him.
Title: Re: Is there a thread for parents?
Post by: TheOGMamaBear on October 01, 2009, 12:44:43 PM
Quote from: "rlrose328"
Hey MamaBear... I've got a 9yo son who insists he's an atheist but who is very gullible and naive.  Hubby thinks there's no doubt he'll probably be a believer some day.  Who knows.

I always wonder about my daughter. She's only 21 months though. But it would be interesting if she turned out to be an evangelical or something. Ick! But as we all know we can't control our children.

I'm also pregnant with my last child...lol. It's a surprise and I'm due in 9 ish weeks.
Title: Re: Is there a thread for parents?
Post by: TheOGMamaBear on October 01, 2009, 12:45:56 PM
Quote from: "skurry"
Quote from: "TheOGMamaBear"
Is there a thread for parents or a sticky for parents?

If not there should be. I could really use other sinning non-believers who also raise children to talk to.

There is now.  lol.


Do you guys have issues with your parenting choices with friends or family?
Title: Re: Is there a thread for parents?
Post by: TheOGMamaBear on October 01, 2009, 12:46:25 PM
Quote from: "Whitney"
I don't think so...feel free to start one.

I'll turn this thread into one. :)
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: SSY on October 01, 2009, 03:47:28 PM
I don't have any kids ( that I know of at least  ;)  ;)  ;)  ;)  ;)  ;)  )

Having said that, i am not even going to mention god to them, until one of their friends brings up, at which point i would explain that they may believe it, and that is their right. In general i would teach them to question everything though, I can imagine how this would be difficult as a parent.

"Go to bed"
"Why?"
"Because I say so"
"Actually dad, that is an argument from authority"
"Now, or you get the cane"
"Argument from the stick Dad"
"Damn"
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: TheOGMamaBear on October 01, 2009, 06:42:22 PM
Quote from: "SSY"
I don't have any kids ( that I know of at least  ;)  ;)  ;)  ;)  ;)  ;)
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: TheOGMamaBear on October 02, 2009, 12:44:09 PM
It's only 7:40am and I'm having one of those mornings where I'm close to stranggling my toddler. It's taking all in my power to not go crazy!

She started the morning off by dumping her entire bowl of oatmeal on the floor, when I made more, she refused to eat it, then she dumped the dogs water bowl out, and tried shoving a computer game in the dvd player.

man.
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: LARA on October 02, 2009, 04:29:15 PM
I can empathize MamaBear.  I found playdoh to be of help, but you have to corral them on the tile if you have carpet otherwise you'll be pounding the dried bits out of the carpet with a hammer.  Hide and seek is also a good game, especially if you can get them to count to really high numbers, also if you can hide really well, it gives you a five minute breather.

Getting them to clean up their own spills, or cleaning it up together helps, actions actions have consequences, we make a mess we clean it up sort of deal.

Also water play in the tub while you read a book is a good breather, if you have the time to breathe.  A few butter or yogurt containers, a tub some food dye a cushion for your butt on the potty, this is as good as it gets.  If you have wireless and a laptop you can even surf while they play.

A timeout can help.  I could never get mine to stay in one though.  Sitting on her wasn't an option.

Have you tried meetup.com for playgroup info?  It looks to be a good place to go to find other mommies, though I can't find a group close enough to me to go.


I'm having a rough morning with mine too. I got a call from a teacher telling me that mine pitched a fit and yelled at her.  Seems a little boy gave my daughter $5 for something.  Then he wanted it back.  My daughter didn't want to give the money back, so the teacher made her do it.  And my daughter got really upset.  The teacher started to explain to me how these parents work really hard for their money and my girl couldn't just keep the little boy's five dollars.

The teacher doesn't seem to understand that not only do I stay at home, but I freelance part time, my husband works overtime plus is doing construction on the weekends to make extra money, we have no cable television, we have no free healthcare or lunches and right now my 1996 car has broken down and we don't know a mechanic in the area to fix it or if it's even worth it to fix since a head gasket is probably blown.  We probably wouldn't even have an internet connection if I didn't need it for work.  For my daughter to have any spending money at all is a really big deal and for a little boy to give her five dollars and then take it away is really hurtful.  On top of that the teacher tells her to understand his feelings and needs and she has to give the money back to the kid.  Now granted, the little boy shouldn't have given her the money if he needed it, and should get it back,  but the teacher could take a moment and realize the hurt is all around.  She is usually pretty kind and was understanding about most things, but she didn't seem to get it in her head that I was in no shape or form rich or even well off and this was a big deal to my daughter.

My daughter is having trouble at school emotionally.  She does great academically, but this is a very rigid public school that was pushing religion on the kids.  At least that stopped this year. She just can't control her emotions when things are unfair to her.  And it doesn't seem like anyone is cutting her any slack either.  As much as I'm frustrated by her lack of emotional control, I feel her pain and understand.
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: TheOGMamaBear on October 03, 2009, 05:53:32 PM
Quote from: "LARA"
I can empathize MamaBear.

...As much as I'm frustrated by her lack of emotional control, I feel her pain and understand.


Thank you so much for all the great ideas. My daughter is really into coloring, I bet she'd love playdoh. I bet I could strap her in to her booster seat while she does it.

She's not big enough for counting quite yet but you'd better believe that I will be using the hide and seek tips when she can!!


I'm so sorry your daughter is having trouble with school. Did you explain to the teacher where your daughter might have been coming from? It's unfortunate we don't have a lot of choices in where our kids go to school. Sometimes I think I'd like to home school, but I would also at some point like to finish my degree by going back full time (it's required to go full time in my program the last 2 years) and I would like to go back to work someday too.

I think people sometimes think staying at home means we must be wealthy and sit around watching television and relazing.

We definatley can't do those things! It's so much work, we don't have tv either, mostly by choice...although I really miss discovery channel :(.

I actually kicked my husbands cousin out of the house the other night because he came over late and started bashing me for telling my husband he couldn't buy a new chainsaw, because "It's not my money since I don't work."

It was awful.
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: Tom62 on October 06, 2009, 05:45:40 PM
Well, I don't have any children myself. But, I've found a great solution for hard working parents who don't have time to play with their kids.
[youtube:2owb9ug5]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxj1RDbp_iE[/youtube:2owb9ug5]
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: LARA on October 06, 2009, 06:23:00 PM
Quote
MamaBear wrote:

I actually kicked my husbands cousin out of the house the other night because he came over late and started bashing me for telling my husband he couldn't buy a new chainsaw, because "It's not my money since I don't work."

 :|  :shake:  
I've heard that one before.  No one who has stayed at home full time and long term with a child before would even dare to think this phrase.


Tom62, I LOVED THAT VIDEO!!!!!  We should outsource public schooling to India too, they'll get better math and science training there at a fraction of the cost!!!!
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: TheOGMamaBear on October 07, 2009, 12:12:23 AM
Quote from: "Tom62"
Well, I don't have any children myself. But, I've found a great solution for hard working parents who don't have time to play with their kids.
[youtube:5grnqyp5]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxj1RDbp_iE[/youtube:5grnqyp5]
LOL. the onion. So good.

I'm about to send my kid to India. She won't stop climbing me!!!
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: TheOGMamaBear on October 07, 2009, 12:13:16 AM
Quote from: "LARA"
Quote
MamaBear wrote:

I actually kicked my husbands cousin out of the house the other night because he came over late and started bashing me for telling my husband he couldn't buy a new chainsaw, because "It's not my money since I don't work."

 :|  :shake:  
I've heard that one before.  No one who has stayed at home full time and long term with a child before would even dare to think this phrase.



Tom62, I LOVED THAT VIDEO!!!!!  We should outsource public schooling to India too, they'll get better math and science training there at a fraction of the cost!!!!


Isn't that the truth? My husband asks me how I do it all day without losing my mind.
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: Big Mac on October 10, 2009, 03:38:23 AM
Quote from: "TheOGMamaBear"
It's only 7:40am and I'm having one of those mornings where I'm close to stranggling my toddler. It's taking all in my power to not go crazy!

She started the morning off by dumping her entire bowl of oatmeal on the floor, when I made more, she refused to eat it, then she dumped the dogs water bowl out, and tried shoving a computer game in the dvd player.

man.


Smacking kids still works very well. I learned to behave pretty quickly with a few well administered pops. Simple and effective. Don't forget to yell and make it a point that it is unacceptable.
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: TheOGMamaBear on October 10, 2009, 04:55:24 PM
No, I don't know if you are being sarcastic or not...but I don't hit my kids!

Also I find all the yelling just leads to more yelling.

She's a toddler, it's pretty much a storm that I have to weather.
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: Ninteen45 on October 11, 2009, 12:15:35 AM
I'd link to a study showing smacked kids are dumber than non smacked kids, but I'm lazy.
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: Big Mac on October 11, 2009, 03:53:39 PM
Quote from: "Ninteen45"
I'd link to a study showing smacked kids are dumber than non smacked kids, but I'm lazy.

I need to take my belt off, boy?!!? Or is it goofy time? Just bought me a sack of oranges, won't leave a mark!!!
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: Big Mac on October 11, 2009, 03:55:00 PM
Quote from: "TheOGMamaBear"
No, I don't know if you are being sarcastic or not...but I don't hit my kids!

Also I find all the yelling just leads to more yelling.

She's a toddler, it's pretty much a storm that I have to weather.

Uh...you basically own your kid. You don't have to tolerate a little tantrum, my parents didn't. I knew making a scene at a store or even arguing/talking back to them was a express train to red face/ass ville. Kept me in line pretty well.....I was still pretty bad but I would have been worse no doubt.

 I was being sarcastic about the yelling part (kind of) as well as the smacking (less kind of).

Physical discipline tends to work out well. Toddlers need special techniques as to not hurt them. Spanking seemed to work for me, I'm very well adjusted and shit.
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: Ninteen45 on October 11, 2009, 09:51:05 PM
I'd give my kid an irrational phobia of something, like bees or tickling.

If they ever disbehave, I'd make the bee sound or tickle them.


(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/parental_trolling.png)
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: Big Mac on October 12, 2009, 01:41:59 AM
Quote from: "Ninteen45"
I'd give my kid an irrational phobia of something, like bees or tickling.

If they ever disbehave, I'd make the bee sound or tickle them.


(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/parental_trolling.png)

I like your style there. My parents did that too. I used to think if you played out in the front without their permission creepy men would kidnap and dissect you.
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: TheOGMamaBear on October 12, 2009, 01:38:06 PM
Sorry Big mac, no one OWNS anybody.

I don't OWN my child. And I don't tolerate tantrums but I certainly do not hit. Sorry.

Are you even a parent? Because you don't seem to quite understand with what being a parent is ACTUALLY like.
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: TheOGMamaBear on October 12, 2009, 01:39:17 PM
Quote from: "Ninteen45"
I'd link to a study showing smacked kids are dumber than non smacked kids, but I'm lazy.

God, I have a ton in books here at my house.

Kids whose parents use alternate means of discipline tend to fair better in life than those who were spanked.
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: McQ on October 12, 2009, 03:36:23 PM
All this talk of smacking and not smacking is useless. It always ends up just hurting the parents' hands. For real discipline, you need one of these:

(http://www.taser.com/SiteCollectionImages/Product/Consumer%20Product%20Banner/x26c.jpg)

Now that will get a child in line lickety-split!

Also, studies show that people who use walk-in freezers as "time out" rooms, have better behaved children. They just seem more relaxed and chilled out. If you have teens who misbehave, you may need even more of an attitude adjuster. These Klingon Pain Sticks© work extremely well, and leave no lasting scars. As the father of four sons, I can vouch for the effectiveness of Pain Sticks ©.

(http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/memoryalpha/en/images/0/0a/Age_of_ascension_pain_sticks.jpg)
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: Big Mac on October 13, 2009, 09:17:29 AM
Quote from: "TheOGMamaBear"
Sorry Big mac, no one OWNS anybody.

I don't OWN my child. And I don't tolerate tantrums but I certainly do not hit. Sorry.

Are you even a parent? Because you don't seem to quite understand with what being a parent is ACTUALLY like.

Do imaginary kids count? You technically own your kids until they're 18. You are in charge of them until they hit that magical number. You pay for their food, clothing, housing, toys, etc. so they owe you in good behavior and respect. Not to mention some gratitude. I understand your kid is pretty young so maybe smacking would be a little extreme. I'm curious as to how you handle it, not trying to pick a fight here, honestly wondering what you do and how would you rank it in effectiveness.

I was joking a bit about the smacking part though I'd recommend a good pop to a kid old enough to know better. Made me more likely to behave when I really learned to not like the stinging sensation of backhand for backtalking/potty mouth.
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: TheOGMamaBear on October 13, 2009, 01:12:01 PM
lol, no imaginary children don't count. Just how many pretend kids do you have? >.<

We use 1-2-3, normally for "discipline." So when she's doing something she isn't supposed to We say "Lilian, we do not shove cookies into the dvd player (haha), that is one."

If she does it again we say "Lilian, we said no touching the dvd player, that is two. Do it again and it's time out."

When she does it again we tell her we said no, and bring her to her room which is off of our kitchen. A child gets one minute per age. She's 21 months, so I do about a min. and a half.

It works mostly and most days I get to two and she stops. But there are other days where it's a total test of patience. If she's doing something that could hurt herself we don't do 123, we take her away from it right away. Also if she hurts the dog or us in anger, she gets a time out immediately.

It's more about being removed from the situation at this age than "thinking about what she's done." She doesn't mind having to go to her room much, she often ends up just playing in her room even after I tell her she can come out.
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: Big Mac on October 13, 2009, 03:16:38 PM
So basically kiddie lock-down? Okay, I had that too. I think though that corporal punishment helps bring into sharp focus what you did was wrong. Saved for those occasions when they think they're big shit now. Like when they're 13 and say, "I don't have to listen to you dipshit I am..." BAM. Solves backtalk instantly.
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: TheOGMamaBear on October 14, 2009, 01:15:28 PM
Ha, I guess I'll have to see how I deal with that shit later on.

I take it day by day. It's the only way I'm still surviving my daughter. She's been a fire cracker since day one.

I was never the backtalker in our house, it was my brother, and he was spanked...I don't think it worked on him. :hissyfit:
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: Hat on October 29, 2009, 07:59:02 PM
Not a parent, but I have a cousin who's doing pretty well with her 4 kids, discipline wise, at least I think so. The kids are nine, seven, four and two if I remember correctly. I usually dislike her methods of doing shit because she abuses the fact that my aunt just can't say no to her own daughter, but when it comes to disciplining the kids, both of them (aunt & cousin) do the same thing. If the sprogs were near something they shouldn't be near, they'd tell them to get away three times and on the fourth time if they were still there they'd get a small slap on the hand/wrist. They get an automatic and slightly harder slap if they hurt a sibling or say something they shouldn't like real bad profanity aimed at the parents or siblings, used in school etc. Yeah, all right, they cry and moan but they learn their lesson. Taught me many a lesson.

Specially when I was an itty bitty pyro at six years old who loved throwing things into the fire.
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: Big Mac on November 04, 2009, 05:55:02 PM
Quote from: "Hat"
Not a parent, but I have a cousin who's doing pretty well with her 4 kids, discipline wise, at least I think so. The kids are nine, seven, four and two if I remember correctly. I usually dislike her methods of doing shit because she abuses the fact that my aunt just can't say no to her own daughter, but when it comes to disciplining the kids, both of them (aunt & cousin) do the same thing. If the sprogs were near something they shouldn't be near, they'd tell them to get away three times and on the fourth time if they were still there they'd get a small slap on the hand/wrist. They get an automatic and slightly harder slap if they hurt a sibling or say something they shouldn't like real bad profanity aimed at the parents or siblings, used in school etc. Yeah, all right, they cry and moan but they learn their lesson. Taught me many a lesson.

Specially when I was an itty bitty pyro at six years old who loved throwing things into the fire.

The good ol' Irish disciplinary method. That's a great idea. My mom used rulers a lot. Sting you and make you hate the metric system even more.
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: Whitney on November 06, 2009, 08:12:57 PM
Parents, per April's request you have a whole area of the forum dedicated to parenting.  So, feel free to start new parenting threads in your new section:

viewforum.php?f=44 (http://www.happyatheistforum.com/viewforum.php?f=44)
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: TheOGMamaBear on November 14, 2009, 03:16:34 AM
Quote from: "Whitney"
Parents, per April's request you have a whole area of the forum dedicated to parenting.  So, feel free to start new parenting threads in your new section:

viewforum.php?f=44 (http://www.happyatheistforum.com/viewforum.php?f=44)
Awesome thanks!!
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: Sophus on August 17, 2010, 11:07:53 PM
As a father of one I am obligated to share this: Busting the Only Child Myth! (http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2002382,00.html)  :D
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: wildfire_emissary on June 21, 2011, 01:31:47 AM
My 7-year old daughter does not want to go to school. She's made-up a truckload of reasons not to. And I need your advice, please. Thank you.
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: The Magic Pudding on June 21, 2011, 02:14:08 AM
My 7-year old daughter does not want to go to school. She's made-up a truckload of reasons not to. And I need your advice, please. Thank you.

Finding out why would be the first thing, a more general talk with your daughter, then her teacher.
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: Tank on June 21, 2011, 06:53:00 AM
My 7-year old daughter does not want to go to school. She's made-up a truckload of reasons not to. And I need your advice, please. Thank you.

Talk to her about it, a lot. Try not to sell the idea of school to her, get her to explain what she thinks school is for and you may well find she has a misconception that you can deal with, or she may have an irrational fear or she may have a rational fear that is blown out of proportion.
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: Willow on June 21, 2011, 09:53:47 AM
My 7-year old daughter does not want to go to school. She's made-up a truckload of reasons not to. And I need your advice, please. Thank you.
There are a whole load of reasons not to go to school.  She might not be safe there because school cannot separate others who might harm her from the group.
She might be bored by what they do at school.
She might not like sitting down, shutting up and doing as she's told.
Maybe she questions authority and wants to be herself.
She is unlikely to learn well if she doesn't enjoy what she's doing.
School is sometimes a least worst option, but often not even that.  You don't have to make her go.
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: wildfire_emissary on June 22, 2011, 02:53:28 PM
Finding out why would be the first thing, a more general talk with your daughter, then her teacher.
In my observation, I think she's having difficulty leaving her activities at home and she finds school activities rather boring. As a response, I am making home a boring place. I'm keeping her toys away, banned TV time during school days, and even her after-school playtime. I told her she'll get those during the weekend. I talked to her teacher and she said that my kid has separation anxiety.

Talk to her about it, a lot. Try not to sell the idea of school to her, get her to explain what she thinks school is for and you may well find she has a misconception that you can deal with, or she may have an irrational fear or she may have a rational fear that is blown out of proportion.
I tried talking to her calmly but she just refuses to answer straightforwardly. She gives me different reasons like schooltime is very long, her teacher scolded her (she made this up), she hates the uniform, her seatmate has bad breath etc. I'm kinda thinking of spanking her sometimes but I know it'll just worsen the situation.

There are a whole load of reasons not to go to school.  She might not be safe there because school cannot separate others who might harm her from the group.
She might be bored by what they do at school.
She might not like sitting down, shutting up and doing as she's told.
Maybe she questions authority and wants to be herself.
She is unlikely to learn well if she doesn't enjoy what she's doing.
School is sometimes a least worst option, but often not even that.  You don't have to make her go.
A lot of what you said are likely and probable. Is there a better way of knowing which is/are the culprit/s?

Thank you.
Title: Re: Parenting Thread :)
Post by: Willow on June 24, 2011, 10:16:25 PM
[Is there a better way of knowing which is/are the culprit/s?

Ask her?