Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Essie Mae]

How much worse can this get? 😱

[Dave]

How much worse can this get? 😱

Well, Essie, though I am no pundit in this field I fell that  we should be punctillious about such things to keep our standards up.

[joeactor]

... as long as you guys don't punch me for it...

[No one]

What did the shy pebble wish?





Only to be a little boulder.

[joeactor]

What did the shy pebble wish?





Only to be a little boulder.

LOL!!!

(the flood gates are open now!)

[xSilverPhinx]

MODS, I think Joe should be punished for this...I mean seriously, this is egregious posting.

Sorry, but punishing for puntastically bad jokes was not in the job description.

[Biggus Dickus]

^^ That was ugly, hopefully it has passed and never returns again.

Let's try these on for size.

A lady is sitting at home when she hears a knock at the door. She opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. She picks up the snail and throws it as far as she can. Three years later there's a knock on the door. She opens it and sees the same snail back on the porch. The snail says: 'What the fuck was that all about?'

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, 'This is your lucky night. I've got a special deal for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300 as long as you can say what it is you want me to do in three words or less.' The guy replies, 'Hey, why not.' He pulls his wallet out of his pocket, lays the $300 on the bar, and says slowly. 'Paint...my....house.'

[Dave]

Love the second one, FrB! 

[Magdalena]

I liked the first one. "...Three years later..." 

[Biggus Dickus]

I liked the first one. "...Three years later..." 

Love the second one, FrB! 

Thank you both very much, and hopefully Joe is paying attention!

[joeactor]

I liked the first one. "...Three years later..." 

Love the second one, FrB! 

Thank you both very much, and hopefully Joe is paying attention!

Hmmm... No, sir. I don't get it.

[No one]

I think they're saying they think you're that snail from that movie, and their lives have been painted a lovely shade of delight with you in it, Joseph.

[Magdalena]

I think they're saying they think you're that snail from that movie, and their lives have been painted a lovely shade of delight with you in it, Joseph.

I have a few questions:
"They" sounds like a lot of people. Who are, "they?" and what movie are you talking about? Also, who is Joseph?

[hermes2015]

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, 'This is your lucky night. I've got a special deal for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300 as long as you can say what it is you want me to do in three words or less.' The guy replies, 'Hey, why not.' He pulls his wallet out of his pocket, lays the $300 on the bar, and says slowly. 'Paint...my....house.'

Another HAF member would have said "Check my feet"

[Biggus Dickus]

I liked the first one. "...Three years later..." 

Love the second one, FrB! 

Thank you both very much, and hopefully Joe is paying attention!

Hmmm... No, sir. I don't get it.

I was just teasing you about the pun you posted earlier...