What's on your mind today?

[xSilverPhinx]

Sorry to hear about your father's death, Velma.

[Papasito Bruno]

Thanks everyone. It will take some time to sort this all out emotionally.

One of the local papers ran an article about it. Not mentioned in the article is the fact that my father had begun showing signs of dementia.

http://www.sunherald.com/news/local/crime/article145936034.html

Jeez Velma I just read the article, it sounds so horrible. Take care of yourself.

[Arturo]

My father and I have been estranged for years. Today I found out he had been shot and killed Wednesday by a man he was sharing a house with. The guy has turned himself in and confessed. There will be an autopsy next week.

Right now, I'm not sure how I feel.

I hope it works out for you.

[Dragonia]

Oh man, Velma, I am also really sorry about your father. I know that estrangement can complicate one's grief, so I wish you peace as you work through what this means for you, and how you feel about everything. 

[Tank]

My father and I have been estranged for years. Today I found out he had been shot and killed Wednesday by a man he was sharing a house with. The guy has turned himself in and confessed. There will be an autopsy next week.

Right now, I'm not sure how I feel.

It must be very mixed feeling indeed. 

[Velma]

Thanks again all. I've decided that I probably will go to the funeral. It rather depends on the date. I have to be in court on May 1st regarding my workers' compensation claim. It took six months to get that date and doubt it would be easy to reschedule. I will probably drive down. It is about a 10 hour drive, but I will more in control of when I get there and when I leave.

[Tank]

Thanks again all. I've decided that I probably will go to the funeral. It rather depends on the date. I have to be in court on May 1st regarding my workers' compensation claim. It took six months to get that date and doubt it would be easy to reschedule. I will probably drive down. It is about a 10 hour drive, but I will more in control of when I get there and when I leave.

Well good luck. And a big hug.

[Dave]

Yes, all the best, Velma.

[Pasta Chick]

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry Velma. A good friend of mine went through something very similar some years ago - they decided to cut off contact with their alcoholic father, and some years later he was stabbed to death while being robbed by a young man he had been letting stay in his home. I don't think any feelings, including not knowing what your feelings are, are wrong. Do let us know if you need anything; if there's anything we can do.

[Velma]

There is a bit of a sense of relief. My father had a way of glomming onto whichever of his children was doing the best financially. There was always a fear that he would show up on my doorstep if he ever found out my husband and I are financially comfortable - not rich by any means, but we generally have more money than month and can afford indulgences like dinner and a movie a couple of times a month. It is hard to explain. He never made outright demands, but he had a way of letting you know that he thought you owed him something.

My sister, who never cut ties with him, is taking it very hard. My brother, who was even more estranged than I was, is having that same mixture of feelings that I am.

[Icarus]

I am sympathetic for you Velma. I have been there in a somewhat similar way.

 I married the widow Lorraine, who had a three year old son.  I became Fred's father, in fact, and in spirit. In time I did the legal Adoption option. That was more than 50 years ago.

Fred never liked me despite my having bought him five, yes five, cars while he was in high school. He wrecked every one of them, deliberately, because none of them were the Corvette that he wanted. and I could not afford to buy, nor did I think that model ideal for a high school kid. 

We built soap box racers together, we did model building together, we did other things together, I bailed him out of jail for under age drinking, but nothing was ever good enough. When his mom died suddenly because she had a rheumatic heart valve problem from when she was a teen ager, Fred blamed me for her demise. We never made our peace after that and he resented the hell out of my having eventually  taken up a relationship with present wife, Elaine, after four years of good behavior on my part.

Fred died after three marriages and numerous affairs, yet I was the bad ass for having the temerity to entertain women other than his deceased mother. I did go to his funeral, not as a rememberance of Fred but because he and his sister were close. Fred, in his dying days opted to live in the same town as his sister. The sister, my natural daughter, did all the funeral arrangements in a location eight hours away from me.
 
My attitude at the funeral was not very tearful.  Velma, if you can make even the slightest use of that tale, then please do so. You are not obligated to cry for someone who has not been there for you.

[Arturo]

Just that the USA already took in the Syrian refugees and Trump did nothing about it. But you won't see that in the news...

[Velma]

I am sympathetic for you Velma. I have been there in a somewhat similar way.

 I married the widow Lorraine, who had a three year old son.  I became Fred's father, in fact, and in spirit. In time I did the legal Adoption option. That was more than 50 years ago.

Fred never liked me despite my having bought him five, yes five, cars while he was in high school. He wrecked every one of them, deliberately, because none of them were the Corvette that he wanted. and I could not afford to buy, nor did I think that model ideal for a high school kid. 

We built soap box racers together, we did model building together, we did other things together, I bailed him out of jail for under age drinking, but nothing was ever good enough. When his mom died suddenly because she had a rheumatic heart valve problem from when she was a teen ager, Fred blamed me for her demise. We never made our peace after that and he resented the hell out of my having eventually  taken up a relationship with present wife, Elaine, after four years of good behavior on my part.

Fred died after three marriages and numerous affairs, yet I was the bad ass for having the temerity to entertain women other than his deceased mother. I did go to his funeral, not as a rememberance of Fred but because he and his sister were close. Fred, in his dying days opted to live in the same town as his sister. The sister, my natural daughter, did all the funeral arrangements in a location eight hours away from me.
 
My attitude at the funeral was not very tearful.  Velma, if you can make even the slightest use of that tale, then please do so. You are not obligated to cry for someone who has not been there for you.

This morning, I got to thinking about some therapy I had nearly 20 years ago after the death of the younger of my two brothers. After several intense weeks, during one session he looked at me and told me he thought that I had reached a stable enough place for the moment, stable enough to grieve for my brother. I had not worked through all my issues with my father, but I had reached point where I could put it all in a file folder and put it in the back of the bottom drawer to deal with later. Through the years, I think I have slowly gotten through most of it. I've already grieved for my father. To do so now would be hypocritical as I've not really lost anything with his death, not even the hope of reconciliation since I had long ago given up on that. So, I'll probably go to the funeral (there is a potential conflict that I cannot reschedule), not to say good-bye, but to support those family members who are there to do so.

[Velma]

Sunday afternoon my sister called. It will probably take a week or more for the autopsy to be done, so that will delay the funeral. Despite my father's claims, it appears there was no money, only a tiny life insurance policy. Once the body is released, there will be a cremation and a small memorial service. No idea when that will be.

[xSilverPhinx]