Posting phptos of your naked children

[DeterminedJuliet]

Bottom line, as an adult I'd imagine most of us would be a little ticked if our friends took pictures of us passed out with dicks drawn on our faces.  Why you'd chose to possibly embarrass your child in a similar fashion by posting naked (albeit innocent) photos, etc... is beyond me.  You don't get to decide for someone else what is or isn't embarrassing to them, and I think it's unfair to saddle kids with this before they're old enough to have a say in whether or not they're okay with those images of them being publicly available.

That's fair. But it's also, as a parent, hard to be perfectly logical about this sort of thing at all times. Our kids are really cute! We love them, love watching them grow and can't help but want to share that. I, for instance, live far away from my son's aunts/uncles/cousins and grandparents. We have no family in our City. Yes, I could create an e-mail list to send pictures and videos, but it'd be cumbersome and hard to reference for people (there's no "tagging" feature, you can't see all of the pictures at once, etc. etc.).

And even then, how do I *know* which pictures my son will be ultimately be okay with? How do I *know* who he'd be comfortable sharing those pictures with? Maybe, when he grows up, he'll dislike one of his uncles or something, I can't really know what's fair game with any certainty. So what should I do? Tell my family "sorry, you don't get to see Wee Man's birthday/Christmas/Halloween pictures because I'm not sure how he'll feel about all of them once he's older"?

I'm sure some parents might go that route, and good for them, I guess. But, in the large scale of things, I'm willing to infringe, a little, on his right to privacy within reason (pretty much everyone on my Facebook list are people that I trust/talk to frequently - I don't have 700 random acquaintances and I don't post nudity or anything OBVIOUSLY embarrassing).

[philosoraptor]

I think there's a difference between what you're describing, and some of the weird, gross, inappropriate overshares that end up as fodder for STFU Parents and whatnot.  It also depends how you use social media-if you really are only friends with people you know and family, it's a little different than those folks who have 1,000 friends, some of whom they have no idea really who they are.  Those are the scenarios that creep me out, is that people will frequently add people they don't actually know on Facebook, and who's to say that John Doe isn't really a pedophile?

But it goes back to what I said about social media changing things.  Before, if your relatives wanted to see photos you had to mail them copies or bust out the album when they came to visit.  People are now so obsessed with the instant gratification aspect-I had someone ask me where the pictures were literally the day after my wedding, and I had to ask them if they were kidding or not.  And that's a whole separate issue, that might be a topic for another thread-with the advent of stuff like digital cameras, it makes it easy to take and quickly upload dozens upon dozens of photographs (some of horrifying quality).  When developing pictures was a big deal and very expensive, people took photos selectively.  I sometimes wonder if the availability of this kind of media has in some way cheapened the experiences we have-people are so concerned with taking pictures of little Bobby's 1st birthday that they aren't really an active participant in the event itself.  When I see people who are parents who have literally hundreds of pictures of their kid up, I wonder whether they spend more time interacting with that kid or taking pictures of them.

[DeterminedJuliet]

That's also fair and I wonder the same thing too, sometimes, about parents documenting childhoods more than participating in them. I also have a cousin, who is on Facebook, but is VERY stringent about people not posting pictures of her. There were a whole slew of my sister's wedding photos (that my sister wanted me to post) that I didn't upload because I knew this particular cousin was sensitive about being in them. She also had a baby and didn't post a single picture of him for the first 8 months of his life. All different comfort levels, I suppose. 


And, funnily enough, as we debated this here, my sister-in-law just posted on my husband's wall that she was going into "picture withdrawal" because we haven't posted pictures of our son in a while.   

[DeterminedJuliet]

Also, STFU parents is a good "reality-check" sometimes and I'd recommend it for parents everywhere.

[Jimmy]

Man, when I was a kid 25-30 yrs ago, my parents unashamedly took pics of me and my cousins and siblings taking baths together at various time and it SO funny to look back on. Now, I wouldn't dream of doing it to my kids..... Different world I guess.

[Amicale]

Man, when I was a kid 25-30 yrs ago, my parents unashamedly took pics of me and my cousins and siblings taking baths together at various time and it SO funny to look back on. Now, I wouldn't dream of doing it to my kids..... Different world I guess.

Definitely a very different world. The pics my parents took of me and my cousins were certainly harmless enough - running around in diapers while covered in what I was TOLD was chocolate pudding  , or one picture of me and a cousin less than 6 years younger than me in a bathtub together, covered in bubbles. Those types of pictures are in photo albums, and to see them, you'd have to a) know us well and b) be trusted by us to see our old family pictures. Also c) you'd have to want to bother seeing them, and I can totally understand why many wouldn't want to. 

With my daughter now, I'm careful what I take, and what I post. I love taking pictures, but when you spend more time focusing on the camera than enjoying an event, you've gone off track. As for her privacy, well, being that she's only nearly 4, I look at it more like considering our family's safety, not her privacy or mine per se. The less people online who could identify her, the better -- so I don't post pics on message boards/forums/parenting blogs, etc. I know some people do. That's totally cool for them. But part of the issue for me is, her dad has asked me NOT to do that stuff, and since we co-parent but live separately, I respect his wishes because I respect and like him, and trust that he's trying to be a good dad by asking me not to.

As for the whole 'should you post bathtub/other innocent no-clothes pics of kids for friends/family to see' - well, it's cute, and it's innocent, but I personally wouldn't. If friends and family want to see those pics just for fun to get a laugh out of them, they can come to my house and look at the pics on my computer when they're here. If they're out of town/province, then they'll just be stuck looking at the normal birthday pics/my kid hugging my cat, etc. With very tight privacy controls on Facebook, I might add. 

[Jimmy]

Amicale, I agree, keep them private and away from prying eyes. You know(of course you wouldn't..lol)but I had a pic of my dad and I in the tub when I was about one. PERFECTLY innocent, maybe it's different because I have daughters and don't want to be seen as a perv, but I don't allow them in the tub with me at all. My oldest doesn't understand, she has no shame, which is good, but what should I say to her that wouldn't make her feel that way? I just tell her daddy needs privacy....

[Jimmy]

Amicale, that last question wasn't intended to be directed toward you!! It' s for anyone....geesh

[Amicale]

Amicale, I agree, keep them private and away from prying eyes. You know(of course you wouldn't..lol)but I had a pic of my dad and I in the tub when I was about one. PERFECTLY innocent, maybe it's different because I have daughters and don't want to be seen as a perv, but I don't allow them in the tub with me at all. My oldest doesn't understand, she has no shame, which is good, but what should I say to her that wouldn't make her feel that way? I just tell her daddy needs privacy....

Unfortunately, my own experience is as a woman raising a little girl, and so it's never seemed to be a big deal at all -- in fact, we shower together all the time. We don't have a bathtub in this place, and I'm not willing to let a pre-schooler shower alone. So, rather than run the shower for her and get soaking wet because I've stayed clothed, makes far more sense to hop in with her. And I see nothing wrong with it. It's mommy-daughter time. She has this 'bath crayon' thing that she delights in scribbling all over the shower walls with, and we make our hair stand up in crazy ways with shampoo, lol. All this to say, I understand how you feel.

And I really DO understand how you feel. There are some twisted freaks who would see ME as a perv if I told them I showered with my daughter, just because in actual adult relationships, I have relationships with women. So they make some insane leap from "you're a lesbian, you must like looking at your little girl!" to which I say "are you fucking nuts?!? She's a little girl. I'm only interested in ADULTS." and then I tend to drop those ignorant people from my life, if they're even in it. I mean, geeze, she's my daughter. So yeah, I understand and feel for moms and dads who worry about being seen as 'creepy' for doing something totally natural, innocent and normal.

And it's one more reason I stay away from cameras in circumstances like a little girl wrapped in a fluffy towel. I just don't need the headache of some moron going nuts over it.

[Jimmy]

Amicale, THANKS for sharing, really, and for the understanding:)

I definitely agree that if pics are to be taken, print them at home, and put them in an album and NOT online.

[ThinkAnarchy]

I think some people put overly personal things on facebook. I think those kinds of pictures belong in a family photo album instead of shared on the internet, as others have said.

[Whitney]

I don't think there is anything wrong with parents showing/bathing with their children (gender doesn't matter either); just matters that the kids are okay with it since as they get older they tend to become embarrassed by their own nudity......but how often do you actually see that documented in photos?  Even pre-internet it wasn't common to take photos of parent-child bath time; I've never seen them in a family photo album.  So I don't think the internet is to blame for those kind of moments being taboo to share.  Part of the reason family and close friends (we use to be given baths at friends houses...easier to just put everyone in the tub together) bath time is okay is because everyone is comfortable and secure with each other...sharing those moments can remove the security.  The pedo/perv thing I think is a secondary consideration to keeping private moments private.

[Sweetdeath]

Amicale, I agree, keep them private and away from prying eyes. You know(of course you wouldn't..lol)but I had a pic of my dad and I in the tub when I was about one. PERFECTLY innocent, maybe it's different because I have daughters and don't want to be seen as a perv, but I don't allow them in the tub with me at all. My oldest doesn't understand, she has no shame, which is good, but what should I say to her that wouldn't make her feel that way? I just tell her daddy needs privacy....

Unfortunately, my own experience is as a woman raising a little girl, and so it's never seemed to be a big deal at all -- in fact, we shower together all the time. We don't have a bathtub in this place, and I'm not willing to let a pre-schooler shower alone. So, rather than run the shower for her and get soaking wet because I've stayed clothed, makes far more sense to hop in with her. And I see nothing wrong with it. It's mommy-daughter time. She has this 'bath crayon' thing that she delights in scribbling all over the shower walls with, and we make our hair stand up in crazy ways with shampoo, lol. All this to say, I understand how you feel.

And I really DO understand how you feel. There are some twisted freaks who would see ME as a perv if I told them I showered with my daughter, just because in actual adult relationships, I have relationships with women. So they make some insane leap from "you're a lesbian, you must like looking at your little girl!" to which I say "are you fucking nuts?!? She's a little girl. I'm only interested in ADULTS." and then I tend to drop those ignorant people from my life, if they're even in it. I mean, geeze, she's my daughter. So yeah, I understand and feel for moms and dads who worry about being seen as 'creepy' for doing something totally natural, innocent and normal.

And it's one more reason I stay away from cameras in circumstances like a little girl wrapped in a fluffy towel. I just don't need the headache of some moron going nuts over it.

I can totally empathize with you,,Ami.
I see a lot of gay men go through the same stigma of "you shouldnt adopt because you are unfit to be a parent."
Since when dud being a homosexual fucking translate into pedophile??


As far as posting naked photos of kids on the net; I dont have anything against it, but I do find it distasteful. The internet is forever, and as others already pointed out, naked photos can end upon the wrong hands online.

I dont really think  its okay to take any naked pics without consent anyway; parent or no parent.

[Amicale]

Thanks SD, good points

Well, with my daughter, she's a little camera hog. She looooooves the camera. What that usually means is she'll take dozens and dozens of pictures of random stuff - cat, coffee cup, shoes, herself.  So with her, I'm quite sure she'd give her consent to damned near anything.... so it's a good thing that I happen to think she's not old enough to know what the heck she's doing when she gives consent, and I get to make those decisions for her. When she's in highschool, she can buy a digital camera or fancy camera phone with her own money (or whatever the heck they'll have on the market in 10 years).... but if she makes dumb decisions and posts suggestive pictures of herself online or texts them to boys, she'll be grounded until she's older than I am now. 

[Sweetdeath]

Thanks SD, good points

Well, with my daughter, she's a little camera hog. She looooooves the camera. What that usually means is she'll take dozens and dozens of pictures of random stuff - cat, coffee cup, shoes, herself.  So with her, I'm quite sure she'd give her consent to damned near anything.... so it's a good thing that I happen to think she's not old enough to know what the heck she's doing when she gives consent, and I get to make those decisions for her. When she's in highschool, she can buy a digital camera or fancy camera phone with her own money (or whatever the heck they'll have on the market in 10 years).... but if she makes dumb decisions and posts suggestive pictures of herself online or texts them to boys, she'll be grounded until she's older than I am now. 

LOL
You sound like a great parent, Amicale.
It's crazy how techonolgy and social media has changed everything.
Those who refuse to change with it-- well, I feel sorry for them.