Are human beings meant for monogamy or is it society trying to reform us?

[Sweetdeath]

www.lifeslittlemysteries.com/51-are-humans-meant-to-be-monogamous.html

Whether or not the married or otherwise committed individuals stray for sex depends on the costs and benefits.
"There is plenty of evidence that males have less to lose than females by having extramarital sex," Lancaster said. "Having
less to lose, it's easier for them to do it."
Women, however, could lose "dad's" resources when it comes to raising their kids. "For women, the well-being of their
children is not improved by promiscuity," Lancaster told LiveScience .
Some scientists view both social and sexual monogamy in humans as a societal structure rather than a natural state.
"I don't think we are a monogamous animal," said Pepper Schwartz, a professor of sociology at the University of
Washington in Seattle. "A really monogamous animal is a goose – which never mates again even if its mate is killed."
She added, "Monogamy is invented for order and investment – but not necessarily because it's 'natural.'"

[Ali]

I've thought a lot about this.  I think it's both.  What I mean is, society has taught us that monogamy is expected in a committed relationship, so we expect it.  Because our partners expect it, if we stray from that, we know it would hurt them.  It is natural to not want to hurt people we love, so in a way it is natural to cling to monogamy.  But monogamy itself?  I'm not convinced of that.  I think if monogamy was natural, we wouldn't have so much infidelity. 

This may sound really bizarre, but the older I get, the less I worry about infidelity.  The idea that my husband might want to carry on with someone else makes me roll my eyes more than it makes me worry.  Is that weird?

[Sweetdeath]

I have discussed this topic with my girlfriend a  few times. Even before we started going out, I told her that hiding "wanting to sleep with someone else" in a relationship is pointless.
I told her if she is attracted to some one else and wants to sleep with them, just tell them first.
Marriage is just a piece of paper anyway. I love het very much and wsnt to spend my life with her. To deny her sexual needs when we only live once seems cruel. Also, we are already in a long distance relatioship. As long as she doesnt leave me, it wont bother me.

[Ali]

I think that the worry is that the passion of the sexual relationship will impel your partner to move on to the next relationship. 

Haha, I think my stance on this issue is more along the lines of "Just try and be rid of me, mfer.  Just try."  LOL

[En_Route]

www.lifeslittlemysteries.com/51-are-humans-meant-to-be-monogamous.html

Whether or not the married or otherwise committed individuals stray for sex depends on the costs and benefits.
"There is plenty of evidence that males have less to lose than females by having extramarital sex," Lancaster said. "Having
less to lose, it's easier for them to do it."
Women, however, could lose "dad's" resources when it comes to raising their kids. "For women, the well-being of their
children is not improved by promiscuity," Lancaster told LiveScience .
Some scientists view both social and sexual monogamy in humans as a societal structure rather than a natural state.
"I don't think we are a monogamous animal," said Pepper Schwartz, a professor of sociology at the University of
Washington in Seattle. "A really monogamous animal is a goose – which never mates again even if its mate is killed."
She added, "Monogamy is invented for order and investment – but not necessarily because it's 'natural.'"

I think monogamy is a difficult trick to carry off successfully and not merely because of men's insatiable horniness.It's just tough staying with one person through all the changes and challenges that life invariably throws up.

[Sweetdeath]

The real problem I have with monogamy is that no one human being belongs to another. The idea of only being with ONE person your entire life seems insane. No one person can satisfy you in every way.

I can understand having a long term partner or companion, but I might want to have sex wih other people for various reasons. Especially when i visit Japan.


There is no "happily ever after" irl. :<

I feel like society invented monogamy amongst humans as a way to control the masses.

[Dobermonster]

Monogamy seems to be both evolutionary and societal in origin. It is a moral concept, and therefore we must place it under the construct of morality. Then we are back to the question of, "Where does morality come from?" Again, I would say it is formed from equal parts biology and culture. If we examine it strictly as a biological motivation, we can understand both monogamy and infidelity as described in the article. You might say it is a social agreement born out of evolution-based desires. It is beneficial to the continuation of species to have children raised under a cooperative effort, whether that cooperation comes from two persons who also happen to be closely bonded (which makes sense, you don't want to risk losing the resources provided from this arrangement), or from a larger social group as a combined effort. There are many tribal cultures who do not ascribe to monogamy, yet get along just fine. I wish I could name it, but there is a matriarchal culture where the woman decides on her mating partner - who may or may not be the father of her other children - and the raising of the children who result is attended to by the brothers of the woman, not her mate.

[fester30]

Of course, there is a little matter of an emotion called jealousy.  I don't think jealousy is entirely a product of nurture.  I do think it's at least a product of nature.  My brother and I were raised by the same parents under the same rules, education, and religious upbringing.  Now I'm the atheist that would be a little jealous if my wife had an affair (wouldn't necessarily be a dealbreaker, however) and my brother is the Christian in a polyamorous marriage.  He's been trying to find polyamorous Christians to talk to about his lifestyle.  I find it sorta funny.

Anyway, I do think at least some of the basis to society's ideas about monogamy is due to the jealousy emotion.  Since men have largely held the power in society historically, they got to protect their jealousy with religious laws while often subjecting women to having to swallow jealousy when their husband took on multiple wives.

BTW... I'm married, and know that in the right situation I would probably cheat... which is why I never put myself in those situations.  Despite my lack of religion, I've had my fun in my youth, and I personally find more value in the wonderful relationship I have with my wife.  So whatever I wrote above, understand it is colored by that lens.

[Sweetdeath]

Maybe it's just me, but I dont get jealous. I told mimi i'd be her partner for life, but she if she looks or desires another, it's okay, as long as she doesnt love them or want to leave me for that person.

I dont like the assumption that is made that only men are not monogamous.  Women  can do it as well. I dont have (wil not have) kids to tie me down. I am just as capable as any man.

[Dobermonster]

Of course, there is a little matter of an emotion called jealousy.  I don't think jealousy is entirely a product of nurture.  I do think it's at least a product of nature.  My brother and I were raised by the same parents under the same rules, education, and religious upbringing.  Now I'm the atheist that would be a little jealous if my wife had an affair (wouldn't necessarily be a dealbreaker, however) and my brother is the Christian in a polyamorous marriage.  He's been trying to find polyamorous Christians to talk to about his lifestyle.  I find it sorta funny.

Anyway, I do think at least some of the basis to society's ideas about monogamy is due to the jealousy emotion.  Since men have largely held the power in society historically, they got to protect their jealousy with religious laws while often subjecting women to having to swallow jealousy when their husband took on multiple wives.

BTW... I'm married, and know that in the right situation I would probably cheat... which is why I never put myself in those situations.  Despite my lack of religion, I've had my fun in my youth, and I personally find more value in the wonderful relationship I have with my wife.  So whatever I wrote above, understand it is colored by that lens.

This reminds me of something said about polygamy: in most western countries, it is illegal. What isn't illegal is infidelity. So what does it say about us that a man cannot say to two women, or a woman to two men (or any combination thereof), "Look, I love you both. How about we all get married?" But if the man deceived the woman about having a relationship with another, that would not be illegal. Something to think on.  

I myself am not polyamorous and have no desire to be in that kind of relationship. What I find distasteful about the most common variations is their connection with religious oppression of women, especially young girls. But in its purest form . . . hmmm . . . not sure. Besides the above, I haven't given it a whole lot of thought.

[Sandra Craft]

I don't think humans are monogamous at all by nature.  First of all, as already pointed out, there's all that infidelity on both sides of the gender line.  And then there's the fact that monogamy seems a fairly recent innovation and still isn't universal, and that no other primates (that I know of) are monogamous.  Somewhere along the line, someone decided it would be a good deal for them and made a moral point of it and several societies at least give it tremendous lip service to this day.  As social engineering, monogamy is a real success story.  There may be some social benefit to it, but frankly I've never seen much sense in it unless I'm involved with someone for whom it's important.  Then, yes, I'll go along with it to make them happy even tho I don't get understand it's importance personally.

[Stevil]

Marriage is a human-made concept. Most people before marriage have several sexual relationships.
I would say humans aren't naturally monogamous.

But for a woman bringing up a child for 18-20 alone is a tough thing to do. There is much survival benefit in the male supporting the family for 18-20 years.

[Sandra Craft]

Marriage is a human-made concept. Most people before marriage have several sexual relationships.
I would say humans aren't naturally monogamous.

But for a woman bringing up a child for 18-20 alone is a tough thing to do. There is much survival benefit in the male supporting the family for 18-20 years.

Or someone helping out, and I think a family with 3 or more adults would be even more convenient for child-raising than a family with 2 adults.

[Sweetdeath]

Marriage is a human-made concept. Most people before marriage have several sexual relationships.
I would say humans aren't naturally monogamous.

But for a woman bringing up a child for 18-20 alone is a tough thing to do. There is much survival benefit in the male supporting the family for 18-20 years.

Why does it all fall on a woman raising a child alone?

[Sandra Craft]

Marriage is a human-made concept. Most people before marriage have several sexual relationships.
I would say humans aren't naturally monogamous.

But for a woman bringing up a child for 18-20 alone is a tough thing to do. There is much survival benefit in the male supporting the family for 18-20 years.

Why does it all fall on a woman raising a child alone?

Because kids usually stay where they started, and that's with mom.  Men sometimes end up raising kids but the circumstances are generally unusual.