Reasons To Be Sad Thread

[Arturo]

I don't have any. I am sad though. Maybe I am lonely. Maybe I feel like a let down. Communicating doesn't help. But sitting quietly by myself doesn't either. Sometimes I wish I had a gun.

[Bluenose]

I don't have any. I am sad though. Maybe I am lonely. Maybe I feel like a let down. Communicating doesn't help. But sitting quietly by myself doesn't either. Sometimes I wish I had a gun.

Holy shit, man, it scares me to hear someone talk like that.  You're too good a person to feel like that.  Not that I'm trying to deny it, just that you don't deserve to feel like that.  Take care my friend, there are plenty here that care about you.


Now for the reason I came to this thread, I get incredibly choked up when I think about my old ship, the Australian aircraft carrier HMAS Melbourne, being towed away to be broken up after being stripped of all the important gear and being moored, rusting away at "the dolphins" in Sydney harbour for several years.  We had moments when we thought she might get some dignity when she broke her tow several times on the way up the east coast, but in the end she was taken to Shanghai and mostly converted to razor blades.  It's hard to explain one's attachment to a ship one has served in, it's a lot like that towards a parent, it was our home, our workplace and our recreation space.  It was something like 34 years ago, but it still cuts to the quick. So sad...

[Arturo]

I don't have any. I am sad though. Maybe I am lonely. Maybe I feel like a let down. Communicating doesn't help. But sitting quietly by myself doesn't either. Sometimes I wish I had a gun.

Holy shit, man, it scares me to hear someone talk like that.  You're too good a person to feel like that.  Not that I'm trying to deny it, just that you don't deserve to feel like that.  Take care my friend, there are plenty here that care about you.

Thanks man I appreciate it. Recently I lost my support group on a different forum website. And I left that site but I had made a video because they would not allow me to create a good bye thread. They never did because they would delete it and then send me a message telling me I am triggering everyone. Even if it was for a short break. But someone told me that they posted my video on there and then I saw everyone's reaction and that was painful to read. Trying to find some sort of positivity from that is the difficult part.

So because of all that I feel like I relate to what you said below.

Now for the reason I came to this thread, I get incredibly choked up when I think about my old ship, the Australian aircraft carrier HMAS Melbourne, being towed away to be broken up after being stripped of all the important gear and being moored, rusting away at "the dolphins" in Sydney harbour for several years.  We had moments when we thought she might get some dignity when she broke her tow several times on the way up the east coast, but in the end she was taken to Shanghai and mostly converted to razor blades.  It's hard to explain one's attachment to a ship one has served in, it's a lot like that towards a parent, it was our home, our workplace and our recreation space.  It was something like 34 years ago, but it still cuts to the quick. So sad...

Yeah that's always difficult. I read something about a problem with a self-image can lead to mental illness. And it's a splitting of the self into..I guess cognitive distortions? (if you don't know what that is you can check it out in the links below) So things for me I think are black and white thinking. Or maybe even filtering too, to a degree. But the thing we have to realize is that things are perfect the way they are. Having to live with the pain of certain things (like losing a support group or your home) and still acknowledging the bright sides of it all.

"Cognitive distortion. Cognitive distortions are exaggerated or irrational thought patterns that are believed to perpetuate the effects of psychopathological states, especially depression and anxiety."
Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion

15 Common Cognitive Distortions

[No one]

There are most likely local support groups.

[Arturo]

There are most likely local support groups.

Not for what I have. I have one of the most rare mental illnesses on earth. I can find people with bipolar or depression easily though but not for psychosis. I would more likely run into a stoner telling me I'm perfectly natural and I am woke to reality. Or that I'm lucky because I have a permanent LSD trip (seriously, I've been told that before). And that's fine for him/her to think but I don't think that helps me.

But I think it was good for me to leave that place. Looking back recently I see how nuts the moderators are and some of the community and I think it was influencing me by just being around them that ultimately led to my above mentioned grievances. So everything turned out all right.

[No one]

Have you checked the likes of NAMI? Or even a meetup.com type site?
Remember this, you're never alone. You're never the only one.

[Arturo]

Have you checked the likes of NAMI? Or even a meetup.com type site?
Remember this, you're never alone. You're never the only one.

Yeah I've used meetup and I still actively do. But a lot of the meetups I'm interested in are in hard to reach places or in places nobody (no pun intented) should go. The one I think that I am going to take care for the post is "self university" but NAMI I don't think that I have used or they don't have any in my area like I said.

I do have the community mental health clinic and my case manager but I've always had that. The psychiatrists have always been unpleasant and finding a therapist is difficult that won't sell me religion and still trying to see me (believe me that is so impossible that even the list the crisis center gave me had me all rejected). But my case managers have been increasingly better the more I get transfered. And I'm quite happy with the one that I have now.

[Bluenose]

Thanks man I appreciate it. Recently I lost my support group on a different forum website. And I left that site but I had made a video because they would not allow me to create a good bye thread. They never did because they would delete it and then send me a message telling me I am triggering everyone. Even if it was for a short break. But someone told me that they posted my video on there and then I saw everyone's reaction and that was painful to read. Trying to find some sort of positivity from that is the difficult part.

So because of all that I feel like I relate to what you said below.

Well, I'm not going to pretend that I have any real idea or insights into what you have to deal with.  All I can say is that whatever "deamons" you have to face, as far as I can from this side of the interwebz, I am here to help you face them.  I have my own health issues to deal with, I have longstanding type II diabetes, hypertension and now end-stage renal failure and am on regular dialysis.  It certainly impacts on my ability to do many of the things I like to do, but I'm certainly not lo9oking for sympathy - I'm OK, just a bit inconvenienced.  My bit about the scrapping of my old ship was really a commentary about the randomness of human feelings and that it's OK to be sad about things.  Indeed, sometimes being sad about them is the only healthy way to be.

Yeah that's always difficult. I read something about a problem with a self-image can lead to mental illness. And it's a splitting of the self into..I guess cognitive distortions? (if you don't know what that is you can check it out in the links below) So things for me I think are black and white thinking. Or maybe even filtering too, to a degree. But the thing we have to realize is that things are perfect the way they are. Having to live with the pain of certain things (like losing a support group or your home) and still acknowledging the bright sides of it all.

Yes, exactly, seeking the bright side of things is always a good idea.   I know that some people become quite depressed when they have to start dialysis, but I look at it this way, I reckon I'm lucky I live in an age when the medicos can do something about it and further that I live in a country where the public health system (that all Australians pay for through our taxes) will cover all the costs.  It does worry me a bit that you say you use black and white thinking, I say, try to see all the shades of grey and then work on all the millions of colours!  Easy for me to say, of course, not so easy for you to do, I suspect.

Listen, If I'm out of line, please ignore me, or tell me to fuck off.  Nevertheless, I'd like to be one you see as being on your side.  If I can help in any way, please feel free to just ask, or if that's too hard, just hint...

[Arturo]

I appreciate your gesture as always bluenose. It hasn't been...that bad. I don't think I am black and white thinking as much as I was lead to believe. I found some old bookmarks I had from the website I mentioned and I went back and looking at the way they act, I think they were the black and white thinkers and so it was a good idea for me to leave to stay away from their influence. The moderators their were jerks to everyone. It wasn't just me.

And someone had mentioned that people will not always agree with you, so I thought about how right that is and that you have to learn to get over it if you haven't already. And that was a person I had arguments before. But the moderators closed down that thread and said "we shouldn't be looking for ways to be meaner to each other." And then another moderator had came by and made a joke about something else the poster said. The moderators always get to come by and say things after the thread has been closed, because they are sick and don't realize that.

They had the problem that they had said that I did when I left and they saw my video. That I don't take responsibility for my actions. But they might think that is right from their point of view but things are not always so black and white. I had confronted the moderators on my ban because they lead me to believe it was okay after posting some photos. Then I was banned for longer after they read my message where they lead me to believe it was all okay (only one moderator had spoken to me on there about the infraction and they always reassure us that they discuss everything.) And I was furious that they lied to me. And then they said that I the way I am acting is not appropriate. It's like well, they way they were acting was not appropriate either. And that's what I said in my video to explain in my farewell, that they are allowed to do whatever indecent they want, but if I do the same thing, then I'm in trouble. And it's just so inconsistent there that I don't think I could ever have gotten along with them.

But yeah, like you said, it's not so black and white as that.

[No one]

Can't you host your own meetup?

[Arturo]

Can't you host your own meetup?

I suppose you are right but I don't think I am that qualified for it. I mean, this is one of the most devastating disease on the planet. It often leaves people homeless and ruins their lives. They become paranoid and the drugs leave you unstimulated in such a way that you can't feel anything emotionally.

[No one]

I don't believe you need any sort of qualifications to host an event. Most are just held by regular old average Jeffs. I understand your reservations though. Perhaps a bunch of people in the same boat as you, might not lead to anything productive, but then again, it might just be life altering, in a positive aspect. As the saying goes, "If you never ask, the answer will always be no."  Could be you can get someone you trust to be a moderator of sorts.

[Arturo]

I don't believe you need any sort of qualifications to host an event. Most are just held by regular old average Jeffs. I understand your reservations though. Perhaps a bunch of people in the same boat as you, might not lead to anything productive, but then again, it might just be life altering, in a positive aspect. As the saying goes, "If you never ask, the answer will always be no."  Could be you can get someone you trust to be a moderator of sorts.

Not sure. And not sure if I want to put it out that I have a mental illness when I haven't become a PT yet.

[Bluenose]

You know, Arturo, it seems to me that those people in that forum were the arseholes, you're better off out of there.  I get it that you were hoping to get some support etc and that it was probably what the site was supposedly for, but that's not what you got and you feel let down and understandably angry about it.  Well I say fuck them and the horse they rode in on.  Mental illness is just another form of illness, just like my diabetes and renal failure.  It's not your fault.  I realise that people often don't understand it or are afraid, but that's down to them.  You're still a person in there and entitle to be treated as such.  I greatly admire that you are so open about it here and I hope that talking about things might help.  Isn't that what the other website was meant to be all about in the first place?  Well maybe just being somewhere that the people don't judge you may be of some assistance.  I like that this site is a positive place that values rational thought.  We have our fun, but we also support each other.  Look after yourself my friend.

[Arturo]

You know, Arturo, it seems to me that those people in that forum were the arseholes, you're better off out of there.  I get it that you were hoping to get some support etc and that it was probably what the site was supposedly for, but that's not what you got and you feel let down and understandably angry about it.  Well I say fuck them and the horse they rode in on.  Mental illness is just another form of illness, just like my diabetes and renal failure.  It's not your fault.  I realise that people often don't understand it or are afraid, but that's down to them.  You're still a person in there and entitle to be treated as such.  I greatly admire that you are so open about it here and I hope that talking about things might help.  Isn't that what the other website meant to be all about in the first place?  Well maybe just being somewhere that the people don't judge you may be of some assistance.  I like that this site is a positive place that values rational thought.  We have our fun, but we also support each other.  Look after yourself my friend.

Thank you as always BN. And yes the other website was exactly for that. And that was the exact thought I had after I left. It was actually better for me to leave if I'm not getting what I came there for, and what the website is actually for. I've never been afraid to express myself. Even when I'm faking it that is still an expression of who I am on the inside. Even if I don't realize it or am willing to admit it. And if the "recovery forum" can't help someone recover, then the place was a total failure to begin with. And I only went and stayed there because I felt like that myself.