BDSM Test

[Magdalena]

Like with every kind of questionnaire, I had problems answering the questions, but these are my results:

http://www.bdsmtest.org/result.php?id=4954157

I had that issue too... It's hard to tell if some questions are about fantasy or real behavior - for instance there are a lot of exhibitionist/voyer scenarios that are theoretically appealing, but hinge upon the non-consensual involvement of at least one person. That's a line I won't cross.

Also, things that just don't matter either way ... I'm not -not- going to get involved over a significant age difference but I'm not specifically in to that either.

Yes, I had trouble with those questions as well. As far as consent goes, Everyone involved must consent, that is the line I will never cross.

And most of the questions were things I just don't care one way or the other about. I feel the same about age differences.

I also had a problem with the pain questions, because pain doesn't turn me on or off, it doesn't really affect me one way or the other. It is the same with degrading talk, it doesn't bother me if I'm the subject of it but I would feel bad if I was the one delivering it. It doesn't excite me and it also doesn't spoil the mood.

Yes. Some of the questions are confusing. I assumed the exhibitionist/voyeur scenarios are with the person you're with and those who are watching are there because they want to watch. If you don't have a significant other the whole thing falls into fantasy. If you're in a monogamous relationship why would you say yes to this?

Totally depends - there's an exhibitionist couple who runs their own porn channel online and it's pretty much just the two of them in every video. Other people are in to watching or being watched by their partner while they're with a third (or more) party. Sometimes with criteria, sometimes not.

If I could not fulfill all of my partner's sexual desires, I would encourage them to see other people to fill the gaps.

If I answer yes, the monogamy goes out the window. If I answer no, like Father Bruno said, "I believe that is normal for nuns."
Also, why would my man encourage me to see other people to "fill the gaps?" 

I agree with PC, "Everyone involved must consent." I wouldn't want to watch someone do "stuff" without their consent, and I wouldn't show "my stuff" to people who wouldn't enjoy watching.

If one of you were, say, super in to anal play while dressed like a dog. And the other had no interest in either activity.

It helps to understand a lot of people in the BDSM community tend toward fluid sexual identities and are not wholly monogamous. Plenty are solidly straight or gay and completely monogamous too, but it's very common not to be.

I would like to think that...If one of us were, say, super in to anal play while dressed like a dog...is something we would discuss at the beginning of the relationship. Also, it would be wrong of me to assume that the idea has never entered my SO's mind, even after being together 15 years. What if my SO suddenly wants to do that?

I think I need some time to think about this. 

Looking at it like this, helps me understand the BDSM community a little bit better.

[Arturo]

I clearly hang out with the wrong people if I want to keep a pet.

You want to keep a pet, Arturo?

I like the idea of a girl who acts like a pet. But not to this level-

A "pet" like this?

I would go into detail but nah.

[Sandra Craft]

A lot of those questions were very repetitive -- I don't mean just the same question from two points of view, but the same question asked in only slightly different ways.  But, given my results, I expect subtle nuances were lost on me.

[Davin]

Yes. Some of the questions are confusing. I assumed the exhibitionist/voyeur scenarios are with the person you're with and those who are watching are there because they want to watch. If you don't have a significant other the whole thing falls into fantasy. If you're in a monogamous relationship why would you say yes to this?

If I could not fulfill all of my partner's sexual desires, I would encourage them to see other people to fill the gaps.

If I answer yes, the monogamy goes out the window. If I answer no, like Father Bruno said, "I believe that is normal for nuns."
Also, why would my man encourage me to see other people to "fill the gaps?" 

For that one I put in neutral because I don't know one way or the other.

I have always been monogamous, but I'm not one to attach too strongly to anything, if the situation works better for all involved in a different way, then I will consider it and maybe even try it out to see if it can work.

But I am and always will be highly against cheating.

[Magdalena]

Also, why would my man encourage me to see other people to "fill the gaps?" 

For that one I put in neutral because I don't know one way or the other.

Me too. I'm still thinking about that one. I don't know one way or the other. I guess I have to cross that bridge when I get there, if I ever get there.

I have always been monogamous, but I'm not one to attach too strongly to anything, if the situation works better for all involved in a different way, then I will consider it and maybe even try it out to see if it can work.

But I am and always will be highly against cheating.

I'm also against cheating. I'm not good at "sharing." 
If I'm not happy with our sexual life, I would probably have to leave my significant other, and if my SO is not happy with our sexual life I would also have to let him go. Would I be willing to compromise? Would he? --I don't know.

Must be difficult to be in a situation where your SO is suddenly asking you to do things you're not comfortable doing...like, causing them pain, or they enjoy causing you pain --and everything else that goes with BDSM.  :domanatrix:

This is an interesting topic.   

[Arturo]

Also, why would my man encourage me to see other people to "fill the gaps?" 

For that one I put in neutral because I don't know one way or the other.

Me too. I'm still thinking about that one. I don't know one way or the other. I guess I have to cross that bridge when I get there, if I ever get there.

I have always been monogamous, but I'm not one to attach too strongly to anything, if the situation works better for all involved in a different way, then I will consider it and maybe even try it out to see if it can work.

But I am and always will be highly against cheating.

I'm also against cheating. I'm not good at "sharing." 
If I'm not happy with our sexual life, I would probably have to leave my significant other, and if my SO is not happy with our sexual life I would also have to let him go. Would I be willing to compromise? Would he? --I don't know.

Must be difficult to be in a situation where your SO is suddenly asking you to do things you're not comfortable doing...like, causing them pain, or they enjoy causing you pain --and everything else that goes with BDSM.

This I have a story to go with. I was seeing a girl seemed way into me. We never had sex, despite what people thought, and still think.

She looked like your typical goth, or someone who would be into bdsm. We never actually had sex. She did however make me do stuff that I was uncomfortable with, by telling me she would go crazy if I didn't do what she wanted.

And when the only time I didn't do what she asked, she made weird faces and it looked like she was about to become beserk and run around at full speed and kill me. I was afraid for my life but after so long, I fell in love with it and her.


She ended up seeing someone else but I never became jealous. (Also despite what everyone else thinks.) She was even seeing someone else while she was doing the above mentioned with me. They were even supposed to get married but never did. It didn't bother me that they were technically together.

So the idea of consent was never involved between us but I was afraid to disobey. And I've never been jealous of anyone in my life, but I let people be alone together because that's their special time and I wouldn't want someone doing that to me.

[Davin]

That sounds bad.

[Magdalena]

I was seeing a girl seemed way into me. We never had sex...

So, you guys were just friends?

... We never actually had sex. She did however make me do stuff that I was uncomfortable with, by telling me she would go crazy if I didn't do what she wanted.

I'm curious, what kind of stuff did she make you do if there was no sex involved? 

And when the only time I didn't do what she asked, she made weird faces and it looked like she was about to become beserk and run around at full speed and kill me. I was afraid for my life but after so long, I fell in love with it and her.

You fell in love with it? What is it? 

She ended up seeing someone else but I never became jealous. ...

Why would you be jealous if you were just friends who never had sex? 

So the idea of consent was never involved between us but I was afraid to disobey. And I've never been jealous of anyone in my life, but I let people be alone together because that's their special time and I wouldn't want someone doing that to me.

I'm sorry, but I'm a little confused. 
...But being afraid to disobey, in a relationship, does sounds bad.

[Pasta Chick]

I've always been monogamous, but that's mostly circumstantial. I tend to be pretty extremely introverted and dislike socializing. My partners are typically more outgoing. So while theoretically I am open to poly relationships, for me to long-term settle with someone, which is what I usually do per my first points, and then have that person end up going out way more often with way more people... I feel it wouldn't work on a lot of levels. And part of that is people (ok person) being a shitbag in the past, I suppose. But still. Sitting home or hiking or whatever alone while your main partner bounces around with other people doesn't appeal to me. It's not "omg what are they doing" jealous, it's just lonely.

As far as consent... That's extremely important to me, and most people truly in to BDSM I have spoken with. There are shitbags in everything though. Part of the reason people who are into group activities or multiple partners form communities is for protection. People looking to be abusive dicks are outed pretty quickly. And there certainly are abusive people who see BDSM activities and think that's an in to be a dick. See all of 50 Shades of Grey.

[Arturo]

It's been years since that happened so I will try to answer your questions as best as possible.

So, you guys were just friends?

She said that we were in front of other people but the stuff we did was beyond friend level, as I will explain next.

I'm curious, what kind of stuff did she make you do if there was no sex involved? 

The first time we were alone together, as soon as everyone left the room, she grabbed my finger and started sucking on it. I didn't initiate anything with her because I found her very suspicious.

However the time I mentioned is when she took me to her house with her elementary age siblings. What she did is told them to give her candy and she stuffed it into her clevage. She then told me to take it out or she would go crazy. At first I stood there like I wasn't going to because 1. kids were there in the room and 2. she had a history for saying people raped her. Then she started to make a bunch of different faces like I've never seen before. So I ended up pulling out the candy.

But the real reason I was afraid is because she told me she had a notebook and she would kill anyone who touched it. All these things that I just mentioned added up in my mind to "I'm dealing with a psychopath whose trying to go after me"

You fell in love with it? What is it? 

Sorry, I meant to say I fell in love with the feeling of terror that I constantly felt around her.

Why would you be jealous if you were just friends who never had sex? 

I'm not sure but that's what her bf said all the time. But everyone thinks we had sex and she won't tell anyone about why me and her are no longer friends. So they all continue to think that. Maybe that's why.

I'm sorry, but I'm a little confused. 
...But being afraid to disobey, in a relationship, does sounds bad.

I hope what I have explained has cleared up a little confusion. I really don't like talking about this but it's a complusion and the thoughts and feelings I have of her keep entering my mind.

[Magdalena]

I hope what I have explained has cleared up a little confusion. I really don't like talking about this but it's a complusion and the thoughts and feelings I have of her keep entering my mind.

Yes, I think you cleared up a little confusion. Thank you.
If you really don't like talking about this, please say that next time, it's OK with me. 

[Arturo]

It's alright, I just said that so you wouldn't ask further.

[Magdalena]

It's alright, I just said that so you wouldn't ask further.

I wasn't planning to ask for more details.