The Friendly Atheist: 30 Things To NEVER Say To An Atheist!

[Kekerusey]

So there were a couple if videos that intrigued me on YouTube:

Here's a list of the questions (some are really [expletive deleted] stupid) ... I figure anyone who's interested can give their responses as a separate reply:

1.   Where do you get your morality?
2.   Your life must be so empty.
3.   Why are you mad at god?
4.   You can't disprove god.
5.   What if you're wrong
6.   You just have to have faith.
7.   Just open your heart.
8.   You were never really religious.
9.   What happened in your childhood?
10.   Have you read the bible?
11.   I'll pray for you.
12.   Do you worship the devil?
13.   You're not really an atheist, you must be an agnostic.
14.   Isn't atheism a religion?
15.   Why are you so angry?
16.   You just want to sin.
17.   You don't act like an atheist.
18.   When you're suffering you will call out to god.
19.   It's just a phase.
20.   I don't have enough faith top be an atheist.
21.   Have you heard about Jesus?
22.   Where will you go when you die?
23.   So we all came from monkeys?
24.   Isn't evolution just a theory?
25.   Where did the universe come from?
26.   Where do the mountains come from?
27.   A lot of smart people are Christians.
28.   Why do we only pick on Christians?
29.   What will you teach your children?
30.   Do you eat babies?

Keke

[Kekerusey]

And here's my answers:

Where do you get your morality?
In my view humans have simply evolved to co-operate with each other ... our distant ancestors were, almost certainly, pack animals of some kind. Morals such as not murdering, stealing, lying etc. have continued to be regarded as acceptable within our culture simply because it is better for the pack (family, town, county, country, culture or whatever) that they do so. There are, of course, exceptions such as in times of war, in self-defence and, as an atheist, I fully recognise the logic of this. To kill another human without reason is a pointless waste of life and, in evolutionary terms, wrong ... all I would be doing would be reducing the genetic potential of my species. If I don't adhere to that and go around killing people as and when I liked then pretty soon someone is going to notice and they are going to either lock me away for a very long time or kill me to prevent me killing any more.

Your life must be so empty.
No more than yours in fact I would argue my life is potentially more full than yours since I don't waste my time praying or otherwise acknowledging the existence of a god whose very existence is, at best, debatable and, given the lack of validatable evidence, probably non-existent.

Why are you mad at god?
I'm not. I can't be mad at something I don't believe exists.

You can't disprove god.
I don't need to disprove your god. In fact, given the fact that no currently accepted scientific explanation requires or requests the action of deity suggesting that no such worthy exists the claim to the existence of deity is the extraordinary claim so it is you that needs to prove your god; I can simply sit here drinking beer and watch while you try.

What if you're wrong
If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. That said I refuse to believe that any [hypothetical] god that supposedly loves its creation would punish that creation for using the brain it supposedly gave it in order to reason that its creator does not exist. If a god really existed why did it not leave clear, unambiguous evidence? To do anything else seems cruel, capricious and narcissistic.

You just have to have faith.
I have faith, in family, friends and the logic and reason provided science.

Just open your heart.
What? My heart is a pump. When I'm excited it pumps as bit faster, when I'm relaxing a bit slower. What has my heart got to do with anything?

You were never really religious.
Er yes, I was. I was brought up a good Catholic and had absolutely no reason to believe anything else. That changed around the age of 13 when I started reading science fiction and dealing with the science it encompassed.

What happened in your childhood?
Nothing much. No abuse, loving parents, the usual stuff ... oh, and I was exposed to science fiction and started watching early BBC science and technology programs.

Have you read the bible?
Not all of it but quite a bit yes. It's fairly incoherent tome that makes little real sense and some fairly wild claims, a book written by superstitious and scientifically illiterate men a couple of millennia ago. That people believe such archaic rubbish now doesn't really say a lot of good things about them. Actually it seems to me that in general atheists know more about the bible, Christianity and religions in general than the average Christian does.

I'll pray for you.
Thx (I suppose) ... I hope your head gets better.

Do you worship the devil?
I no more believe in your devil than I do in your god. As Marty Leipzig said, "It's YOUR bible, they're YOUR rules ... YOU burn in HELL!"

You're not really an atheist, you must be an agnostic.
The vast majority of atheists appear to not claim certainty that there is no god so yes, you could argue that however I don't accept that atheism is as dissimilar from agnosticism as your question implies or even as most agnostics claim, I think they're both pretty much the same.

Isn't atheism a religion?
Nope, not only is it effectively the absence of belief it carries none of the trappings typically associated with religions e.g. praying, ceremony, figures of authority that aren't to be questioned, special religious days etc.

Why are you so angry?
As a general rule I'm not however it does irritate me, sometimes annoy me a great deal that things attributed to religion are considered good when they are obviously bad. And why is it, when you see news reports, someone says, "Oh he was a good Christian,"? Why doesn't anyone ever say oh he was a good atheist/secularist/humanist? What's so good about believing mythical tripe? The other thing that is annoying and can make me angry is when religious people try to change things or get special exceptions to practice their bigotry ... sometimes it surprises me I'm not angry all the bloody time.

You just want to sin.
Nope. I reject the very concept. In principle, as long as no one else is harmed by actions, I believe I should be able to do anything I damned well please. In practice that's not so easy but yeah, if I want to watch porn or a thoroughly gross horror film or, perish the thought, a documentary discussing the lack of evidence for deity (all while drinking beer or hard spirits) then I can do so and none of it is a sin (or even all that bad although drinking can be sometimes).

You don't act like an atheist.
How is an atheist supposed to act?

When you're suffering you will call out to god.
Ah yes, the old atheist in a foxhole argument. First of all, given that I don't believe in your god or any other, would you be good enough to tell me which god I would pray to? Secondly, it is clearly not true that that would happen, there is a group of atheist soldiers (US I believe) who call themselves "atheists in foxholes", who have been under fire many times, in life threatening situations and have yet to request the intervention of deity. In essence this is a claim based on what YOU believe would be true and has little or no basis in reality.

It's just a phase.
If it is, it's a phase that's lasted some 45 years.

I don't have enough faith to be an atheist.
In my opinion it doesn't take faith to be an atheist, it typically takes intelligence and a reasoned outlook on the universe in which we live.

Have you heard about Jesus?
Er, yes. Would you like me to tell you what they say about him? Actually I don't believe he ever literally existed.

Where will you go when you die?
Nowhere. I will die and that will be that. If I'm lucky my family will remember me with affection and some of my books might be remembered. Of course, I'm kinda hopeful they might find a way to digitally upload me but ...

So we all came from monkeys?
No, that's the creationist version of evolution that says that ... nowhere does the real theory of evolution state or even imply that is so.

Isn't evolution just a theory?
A scientific theory implies little in the way of doubt or uncertainty as the word "theory" does when used in common place, everyday language ... in science a "theory" is "a system of ideas explaining something, esp. one based on general principles independent of the particular things to be explained (e.g. atomic theory or the theory of evolution); the exposition of the principles of a science etc.; a collection of propositions to illustrate the principles of a subject (e.g. probability theory or the theory of equations)." The Theory of Evolution is an attempt to explain the vast diversity of life and how it has evolved from a single common ancestor and in fact (common use) evolution is the only explanation accepted by the entire scientific community as explaining the development of the diversity of life around us today. When people say things like "it's just a theory" WRT to major scientific theories they simply demonstrate themselves to be ignorant of science and all it represents!

Where did the universe come from?
I don't know. Perhaps it is part of a larger multiverse, one that has always existed and always will?

Where do the mountains come from?
Do some reading, at least go look on Wikipedia for your own god's sake.

A lot of smart people are Christians.
They are however, whilst I have no problem particular problem with the simple belief that there is a creator (I can merely disagree), I would argue that faith in an old book of such dubious authorship and statement is one step too far for anyone involved in the sciences. In essence my problem is scripture and all that follows from it, not the beliefs themselves.

Why do we only pick on Christians?
As far as I know we don't, I know I don't however it has to be said that my greatest familiarity is with Christianity, after all I was one so that would probably lead to some degree of perceived targetting. However, don't get me wrong, right now I see Islam as the worst religion quite simply because their fundamentalists are so violent. Yes, Christian fundamentalists can also be violent but in pure numbers I believe Islam has it and then some.

What will you teach your children?
My children are adults now, 27 and 21 and we have done our best to educate them and equip them for a future in British society even though we cannot be absolutely sure what that future will hold. As they were growing up we both did our best to present "the other side" as neutrally as possible to them, in fact for nearly two years, I took my oldest daughter to the local Anglican church becoming friendly with parishioners and clergy.  Two events I think changed that. The first was the recognition of neighbours of ours as very special parishioners, influential and important to that church ... the very same neighbours who have been conducting a campaign of hatred against us for the twenty-six years we have lived near them and were later (after we had left) dismissed from the church for the excesses. The second was a more comical event one Christmas (which I still love BTW) when we went to the church to be presented with what I later called, a multimedia version of a Christmas service, I kept replacing words with inappropriate (to Christians) ones as I sang along and ultimately couldn't hold my sh** together it was so hysterically funny.

Both my daughters are atheist, one strongly, the other just dismisses it as rubbish so I guess we haven't done too bad.

Do you eat babies?
What a stupid question and the answer is no.

Keke

[Icarus]

Keke You have pretty much given the same or very similar responses that Guy P Harrison has outlined in his book: 50 Reasons People Give For Believing In A God.

I reckon that you have done the job with better word economy than Harrison.   

[Kekerusey]

Keke You have pretty much given the same or very similar responses that Guy P Harrison has outlined in his book: 50 Reasons People Give For Believing In A God.

I reckon that you have done the job with better word economy than Harrison.

Oh thanks ... I swear I didn't copy, never heard of Harrison

Keke

[No one]

1) A cracker Jack box.
2) As is everything.
3) There isn't one, can not be angry at what doesn't exist.
4) Nor Leprechauns.
5) What if you are?
6) Ha Ha Ha, you're amusing.
7) And look within?
8) And?
9) Things and stuff
10) Have you?
11) Whatever floats your boat.
12) There isn't one. Can not worship what doesn't exist.
13) If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
14) Nope!
15) People suck!
16) Are you retarded?
17) I am not acting?
18) Nope!
19) You mean like being gay?
20) Sounds like a personal problem.
21) He mows my lawn
22) The ground
23) Not all, but I am fairly certain your family did.
24) You mean a valid explanation?
25) Where  did god come from?
26) Time, movement, tectonic plates, volcanoes.
27) Intelligence and belief are entirely different.
28) Easy targets.
29) I will teach them well, and let them lead the way.
30) Well, they aren't really all that nourishing. Plus, you have to eat like 5 or 6 to feel full. Not to mention, they are like Chinese food, you are hungry again half an hour later.

[Sandra Craft]

Where do you get your morality?
From empathy and common sense.

Your life must be so empty.
And yet I like it just fine.

Why are you mad at god?
Why do you keep blaming your god for anger directed at you?

You can't disprove god.
That's right, no one can prove a negative.  That's why the burden of proof is on the person making a positive claim, such as "god exists".   

What if you're wrong?
Then I'm wrong, but I'm not going to live a lie, just in case.

You just have to have faith.
Which is one way theists have of saying, "I've got no reason why you should believe".

Just open your heart.
Which is another way theists have of saying, "I've got no reason why you should believe".

You were never really religious.
You're probably right. 

What happened in your childhood?
I read the bible.

Have you read the bible?
Twice.

I'll pray for you.
Thank you, and I'll talk to my cat about you!

Do you worship the devil?
Don't believe in anything supernatural, at all.  We really don't need to go down a list.

You're not really an atheist, you must be an agnostic.
I'm an agnostic atheist, if that's what you mean. 

Isn't atheism a religion?
Ha ha ha!  Oh, that's a good one!

Why are you so angry?
Why do you get upset about Sharia law?

You just want to sin.
If I just wanted to sin, I'd be a Xtian and use the get-out-of-jail-free forgiveness card.

You don't act like an atheist.
And what does that entail, other than not believing in gods?

When you're suffering you will call out to god.
I used to wonder about that.  Then I was in a nearly fatal car crash and god never entered my mind once, so I'm thinking, no.

It's just a phase.
Long freaking phase.

I don't have enough faith to be an atheist.
I don't have enough imagination to be a theist.

Have you heard about Jesus?
Continually. 

Where will you go when you die?
Well, my preference is cremation or natural burial but really, that's up to my survivors (poor suckers).

So we all came from monkeys?
Short answer, no.  Long answer, read a book.  There are so many that explain the theory of evolution in laymans terms.

Isn't evolution just a theory?
Yes, it is.  So is gravity.  And the existence of gods is just a hypothesis.  Read a book.

Where did the universe come from?
I haven't a clue, and neither do you.

Where do the mountains come from?
Books!  Read them, they're your friends!  About the mountains, here's a clue -- find a book about tectonic plates.

A lot of smart people are Christians.
And a lot aren't.  Same is true for every religion.  Same is true for atheists.  What's your point?

Why do we only pick on Christians?
We pick on every religion whose members are causing trouble, pay attention.

What will you teach your children?
If I'd had them, the same thing you teach your kids: what I think is true.

Do you eat babies?
Baby corn, why do you ask?

[Asmodean]

...OK.

1.   Where do you get your morality?
I don't "get" it. The one I have evolves with the accepted standards of behaviour in my society and my own personal traits.
2.   Your life must be so empty.
Yeah... But not by most standards.
3.   Why are you mad at god?
Because he a bitch ass.
4.   You can't disprove god.
So?
5.   What if you're wrong
Then I am wrong. Thing is though, if I am, you don't know the "what ifs" of it any better than I do.
6.   You just have to have faith.
No, I don't have to.
7.   Just open your heart.
I'll bleed to death. Rain check.
8.   You were never really religious.
True.
9.   What happened in your childhood?
I was smaller and less... Complicated.
10.   Have you read the bible?
Have you? (In the spirit of not answering questions with questions, yes, I have)
11.   I'll pray for you.
Whatever. It's your time to waste.
12.   Do you worship the devil?
Yep.
13.   You're not really an atheist, you must be an agnostic.
I'm as near as makes no practical difference a gnostic atheist.
14.   Isn't atheism a religion?
No. It's not even a "thing," really.
15.   Why are you so angry?
How angry is "so?" I'm not an angry type by most standards I'm aware of. Cold? Yes. Difficult? Certainly. Angry..? You'd have to define your vocabulary here.
16.   You just want to sin.
The concept of sin is just that much bullshit. I don't care if what I do is sinning.
17.   You don't act like an atheist.
Sometimes I act like a decent human being. Other times I act like an asshole. Others still as a manipulative self-centered dick. Sometimes I act, sometimes I don't. In regard to gods of various shapes and sizes, I do always act as an atheist. In any other respect, my atheism is irrelevant (By virtue of never having been a theist, for those who want to argue that point from personal perspective)
18.   When you're suffering you will call out to god.
I had a really nasty kidney stone once. On a misery scale from one to ten, about fifty. I called for a nurse. I'm pretty confident gods would not even cross my mind if I was in grave distress.
19.   It's just a phase.
Thirty one years and counting. As phases go, it's a good one.
20.   I don't have enough faith top be an atheist.
So don't be one. Who's forcing you? I certainly don't give enough of a fuck to.
21.   Have you heard about Jesus?
Several, in fact. One of them covered High Hopes, you know. The cover was both appallingly bad and somehow brilliant.
22.   Where will you go when you die?
I don't know... wherever they take corpses to in that time and at that place.
23.   So we all came from monkeys?
...Sure. Neanderthals, probably.  (I would lecture the questioner in evolution of H. Sapiens Sapiens as best I could if I suspected the question to be genuine)
24.   Isn't evolution just a theory?
Yep. So is gravity. "Intelligent design," however, is barely a half-assed postulate.
25.   Where did the universe come from?
I'm not sure "where" or "when" are valid questions in this regard. In either case, I don't know. Thing is, neither do you or your priest.
26.   Where do the mountains come from?
The movement of tectonic plates.
27.   A lot of smart people are Christians.
Really? How smart is "smart" and how many is "a lot?" You asked me why I was so angry? Well, let's start with undefined standards of measurement in questions like this one.
28.   Why do we only pick on Christians?
"We" don't. "We" are equal opportunity offenders.
29.   What will you teach your children?
Always look both ways before crossing the road. Don't make the nice driver a murderer.
30.   Do you eat babies?
Yes.

[Icarus]

What not to say to an atheist comes in different flavors.

As an extension to the thread title, here is my adventure of the day. .......I had an appointment with an ENT doctor (ear, nose, throat specialist) I arrived at the appointment time. Doctor not ready to see me which is standard procedure for medical practitioners.  OK I will read some of the magazines in the waiting room. WTF!..... no magazines but there is a ton of printed matter. That is odd because magazine publishers flood medical offices, barber shops, hair salons,  and other public places with free magazines.   Lets see what the printed matter is all about. Holy shit every thing in the waiting room was about the fundamentalist take on religion.  I read one of the stories in one of the booklets. It was about an Afghani guy who was on his Hajj to Mecca. His name was John and his wife's name was Mary and of course they were both devout Muslims. Why else would John be on the Hajj pilgrimage?  Well, it seems that John is in the middle of his pilgrimage and he had a vivid dream in which Jesus came to him and persuaded him to give up all the Allah bullshit and come on over to JC's side. ..........you get the idea right? The lengthy story was filled with details about the Taliban torturing John the now infidel and  killing John's first born and a lot of other transparent, obviously invented, claimed to be factual text, by some sort of deranged evangelistic crack pot writer. I checked out several other booklets that had the same sort of fanciful "testimony" for Jesus and the miracles he had wrought and that the end time is eminent. . 

Wait a damned minute am I going to trust a physician who almost certainly subscribes to such bat shit crazy stuff? . Easy answer:  No!!! Am I going to trust my health to a claimed man of science who is an obvious crackpot?   Not bloody likely. I left the place without ever seeing the kook medical doctor.... or paying for his advice.