Author Topic: Looking for volunteers (proofreading/suggestions/criticisms)  (Read 650 times)

xSilverPhinx

  • Non Dvcor
  • Global Moderator
  • Guardian of Reason
  • *****
  • Posts: 10762
  • Gender: Female
I've been working on an adaptation of Macbeth for lower intermediate English language learners and would really appreciate it if some people read it and told me what they think. Corrections (grammar and word usage), suggestions and criticisms welcome. I welcome all criticisms and  suggestions, I would even like to know if you think it's not worth printing on cheap toilet paper and think I should burn it. :smilenod:

My mother read it and liked it but mothers can be more than a little biased, so...

Knowing the story beforehand is not a requirement. It's around 11 A4 pages long, so it shouldn't take up too much of your time.    :)
I'm just a student of the game that they taught me.


Gloucester

  • Touched by His Noodly Appendage
  • *****
  • Posts: 2823
  • Gender: Male
Re: Looking for volunteers (proofreading/suggestions/criticisms)
« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2016, 10:11:52 AM »
Willing to give it a go, Silver. Have only ever read one of Bill's jobs in college - to compare it with Branagh's movie version, but not unfamiliar with his works on video, never seen Macbeth in full though.

Be interesting to see what you have done with the English construction and use.

Even if I found it, "Not my thing" I would still offer comment. I will admit to being a fussy proof reader but will be gentle with  the "translation" where it keeps the feeling of the original.

Tomorrow is precious, don't ruin it by fouling up today.

Recusant

  • Miscreant Erendrake
  • Administrator
  • Guardian of Reason
  • *****
  • Posts: 5245
  • Gender: Male
  • infidel barbarian
Re: Looking for volunteers (proofreading/suggestions/criticisms)
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2016, 10:32:42 AM »
I'd be willing to try.  :)
"Religion is fundamentally opposed to everything I hold in veneration — courage, clear thinking, honesty, fairness, and above all, love of the truth."
— H. L. Mencken


gentle_dissident

  • Made of Star Stuff
  • *
  • Posts: 79
Re: Looking for volunteers (proofreading/suggestions/criticisms)
« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2016, 11:07:36 AM »
Count me in.

BooksCatsEtc

  • Surprisingly OK
  • Global Moderator
  • Guardian of Reason
  • *****
  • Posts: 8098
  • Gender: Female
Re: Looking for volunteers (proofreading/suggestions/criticisms)
« Reply #4 on: July 03, 2016, 01:36:48 PM »
Sounds like fun, I'll give it a whirl.
Sandy

  
"I think this is the prettiest world -- as long as you don't mind a little dying, how could there be a day in your whole life that doesn't have its splash of happiness?"  from The Kingfisher, by Mary Oliver

xSilverPhinx

  • Non Dvcor
  • Global Moderator
  • Guardian of Reason
  • *****
  • Posts: 10762
  • Gender: Female
Re: Looking for volunteers (proofreading/suggestions/criticisms)
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2016, 02:39:55 PM »
Excellent! :grin:  :frolic: :grin:

:jumps:

Could you guys (and anyone else who would like to volunteer) PM me an e-mail so that I can send you the file? I'll be doing so sometime early this week.:smilenod:

Some extra info:

It's being written in prose but with plenty of dialogue, all in modern English, most of which is faithful in meaning to the original. I've left out some plot points I deemed minor, so if you're familiar with the story and think that I shouldn't have left something out then please let me know. If you aren't familiar with the story, please let me know if you feel there are plot holes or parts haven't been explained well.

It's for people who are learning English and have reached lower intermediate level. Therefore, sentence structure is simple. A glossary will be added. 
I'm just a student of the game that they taught me.


xSilverPhinx

  • Non Dvcor
  • Global Moderator
  • Guardian of Reason
  • *****
  • Posts: 10762
  • Gender: Female
Re: Looking for volunteers (proofreading/suggestions/criticisms)
« Reply #6 on: July 04, 2016, 05:22:45 PM »
Almost there!

Gif ahead:

Spoiler: show
I'm just a student of the game that they taught me.


xSilverPhinx

  • Non Dvcor
  • Global Moderator
  • Guardian of Reason
  • *****
  • Posts: 10762
  • Gender: Female
Re: Looking for volunteers (proofreading/suggestions/criticisms)
« Reply #7 on: July 04, 2016, 07:51:44 PM »
Sent. :grin:
I'm just a student of the game that they taught me.


Recusant

  • Miscreant Erendrake
  • Administrator
  • Guardian of Reason
  • *****
  • Posts: 5245
  • Gender: Male
  • infidel barbarian
Re: Looking for volunteers (proofreading/suggestions/criticisms)
« Reply #8 on: July 04, 2016, 08:12:01 PM »
Received, thank you.  :let'seat:

Just in case any of the other readers need it, I've made a PDF version.
"Religion is fundamentally opposed to everything I hold in veneration — courage, clear thinking, honesty, fairness, and above all, love of the truth."
— H. L. Mencken


BooksCatsEtc

  • Surprisingly OK
  • Global Moderator
  • Guardian of Reason
  • *****
  • Posts: 8098
  • Gender: Female
Re: Looking for volunteers (proofreading/suggestions/criticisms)
« Reply #9 on: July 05, 2016, 12:54:32 AM »
 Got it!  Looks juicy, but then Macbeth always does.
Sandy

  
"I think this is the prettiest world -- as long as you don't mind a little dying, how could there be a day in your whole life that doesn't have its splash of happiness?"  from The Kingfisher, by Mary Oliver

xSilverPhinx

  • Non Dvcor
  • Global Moderator
  • Guardian of Reason
  • *****
  • Posts: 10762
  • Gender: Female
Re: Looking for volunteers (proofreading/suggestions/criticisms)
« Reply #10 on: July 05, 2016, 03:21:05 AM »
Just in case any of the other readers need it, I've made a PDF version.

Sorry about that, I was so anxious to send it to you all that I forgot to convert it to a more widely used format.
I'm just a student of the game that they taught me.


xSilverPhinx

  • Non Dvcor
  • Global Moderator
  • Guardian of Reason
  • *****
  • Posts: 10762
  • Gender: Female
Re: Looking for volunteers (proofreading/suggestions/criticisms)
« Reply #11 on: July 05, 2016, 03:22:16 AM »
Got it!  Looks juicy, but then Macbeth always does.

I grew to love the story. :smilenod:
I'm just a student of the game that they taught me.


BooksCatsEtc

  • Surprisingly OK
  • Global Moderator
  • Guardian of Reason
  • *****
  • Posts: 8098
  • Gender: Female
Re: Looking for volunteers (proofreading/suggestions/criticisms)
« Reply #12 on: July 15, 2016, 11:42:47 AM »
I want to thank you for doing this -- it got me to re-read Macbeth again for the first time in many years.  I didn't re-read it before making my comments, since I wanted to be as close as possible to unfamiliar with the story, and I may have been a little too close.  I had forgotten the Norwegian army was involved at all, and assumed they'd be helping out Duncan and not the rebels (so that's one comment you can strike off!).

Macbeth is so entertaining on a soap opera level -- in fact, I think between it and  Midsummer Nights Dream all the tropes are covered, if you allow  abduction by fairies to substitute for abduction by aliens. 
Sandy

  
"I think this is the prettiest world -- as long as you don't mind a little dying, how could there be a day in your whole life that doesn't have its splash of happiness?"  from The Kingfisher, by Mary Oliver

xSilverPhinx

  • Non Dvcor
  • Global Moderator
  • Guardian of Reason
  • *****
  • Posts: 10762
  • Gender: Female
Re: Looking for volunteers (proofreading/suggestions/criticisms)
« Reply #13 on: July 15, 2016, 01:27:27 PM »
 :thumbsup:

Thank you! :bigspecs:
I'm just a student of the game that they taught me.


xSilverPhinx

  • Non Dvcor
  • Global Moderator
  • Guardian of Reason
  • *****
  • Posts: 10762
  • Gender: Female
Re: Looking for volunteers (proofreading/suggestions/criticisms)
« Reply #14 on: December 26, 2016, 05:22:49 AM »
BCE please check your PMs! :grin:
I'm just a student of the game that they taught me.