My Atheist Perspective

[Hector Valdez]

Life After Deconverting

I have been an atheist for quite a while, and feel compelled to summarize my experiences thus far. As a christian, knowledge of Atheism was scant. It was only recently that I met and acknowledged that atheists existed, before which I only assumed that a lack of belief was impossible. My initial reaction to the atheist that I met was one of anger at the supposed arrogance of the atheist that I had met(I do not mention his name because I do not know it. Our time together was brief). And yet, I think I understand why I held such a malevolent position towards him.

To be christian is to be right and correct. Any other belief that was not christian could have been tolerated, because the Catholic church teaches that all religions have the same light of truth, though to a lesser degree. The position of an atheist, however, is not a meek acceptance of inferiority, but a blatant violation of the Catholic's supposed right to feel superior. The Catholic christian calls the Atheist arrogant, not because of any true arrogance on the part of the Atheist(in fact, the Atheist/Agnostic profession of doubt is probably the most humble theoretical standpoint to begin one's search for truth), but because the Catholic can no longer be arrogant in the face of the Atheist.

It was probably just as well. My meeting with this atheist developed into a downward spiral that led to myself becoming cynical, and somewhat paradoxically, progressively more open minded. It was only through joining this forum, and conversing with other Atheists, that I dared to admit to myself that there was no god. And then, a strangely peculiar thing happened. I had expected, under the auspices of "coming out", to be barraged by Christians and other Religious personalities. I had expected to be shouted at, or cornered, or spat upon, but so far the only guilt trips that I've had to endure are those that come from my mother.

I currently live in a relatively isolated part of Texas, very near the desert. My geographic location might have some influence towards my lack of ostracism. Still, there is the church standing about six miles from my house. There is the wal-mart where I work. And truthfully, I find that I have to introduce my being an atheist in order for people to discuss religion. In fact, there seems to be a strange phenomenon within the rank-and-file of the clients that I serve. Most people act with a complete disregard for religion, until I mention that I am an atheist, at which point a kind of mechanism seems to activate in their mind. It is as if they are angry at me not for being an atheist, but for reminding them that they are Christian.

Of course, there remains the Posadas and Rosaries, and all of the festive trappings of the Catholic culture. And yet, at almost all of these events, the popular culture has seeped into the festivities, almost to the horror of the priests and religious authorities. It is almost as if the vibrancy of the Catholic church depends upon the cultural dissonance generated by forcing Catholic tradition onto new cultures! And far from this causing the decay and rebellion that I would expect, this actually has the opposite effect. It serves to ever more tightly bind the locals to their padres and their prayer beads.

I do not know what to make of this. I feel like he who crawled out of the cave, only to be blinded by the harshness of the sun. I have come to enjoy a life unfettered by religion and abundant with peace and love and the wonders of the world. But, upon returning to the cave to share my joy with my friends and family, I find that they not only do not wish to leave the cave, but that they would probably not survive the trip to its mouth. The sunlight that so refreshed me would burn their skin, and the warmth of the air would be to them, the fires of hell.

What is to become of myself, who has become happy, and yet alone?

[Firebird]

You are a great writer. I really enjoyed reading that, and am happy that this community has helped you in your journey. I applaud you for having the courage to come out as a full-on atheist to so many people. I have not told many people about how I feel, at least not at this time.

One reason I joined this forum was because I felt like there had to be many more people who felt the way I did, and it would be nice to know who they are. I think one way to battle the loneliness and uncertainty is to continue to seek out others, not be afraid to proclaim who we are, and form an ever-larger community of support. You are certainly doing your part.

[Siz]

Yeah, nice work RR. Very illuminating (no pun intended).

I wanted to ask you if you think there is any truth in my thoughts that the anger displayed at your admission of Atheism comes from a personal defense mechanism? That is to say that maybe some of these people live in struggle to keep their faith (for obvious reasons) and to see a liberated person is a reminder of their own fear at even contemplating following suit. A jealousy even?! And the anger is actually at themselves for not having the courage that you have shown?!

That maybe arrogant of me - as an Atheist - but it's something I've often considered.

[Stevil]

Fantastic post RenegeReversi

[Guardian85]

That was some heavy reading on a Sunday afternoon, but no less interesting for that. Great piece, RR.

[Tank]

A wonderful post

[Crow]

Absorbing read RR.

until I mention that I am an atheist, at which point a kind of mechanism seems to activate in their mind. It is as if they are angry at me not for being an atheist, but for reminding them that they are Christian.

This is something I have been thinking about recently but not from a specific denomination, I have experienced people who consider themselves agnostic to become standoffish in manner when the topic comes up. Is it the fact that nobody really knows anything that unsettles people, then when confronted by a person who does not claim to have the absolute truth yet still professes disbelief is a direct challenge to their comforts they have built around themselves. Not only are their comforts challenged, before them stands a person who has faced these uncomfortable truths and accepts them for what they are.

[Siz]

Absorbing read RR.

until I mention that I am an atheist, at which point a kind of mechanism seems to activate in their mind. It is as if they are angry at me not for being an atheist, but for reminding them that they are Christian.

This is something I have been thinking about recently but not from a specific denomination, I have experienced people who consider themselves agnostic to become standoffish in manner when the topic comes up. Is it the fact that nobody really knows anything that unsettles people, then when confronted by a person who does not claim to have the absolute truth yet still professes disbelief is a direct challenge to their comforts they have built around themselves. Not only are their comforts challenged, before them stands a person who has faced these uncomfortable truths and accepts them for what they are.

isn't that what I said?

[xSilverPhinx]

I had expected, under the auspices of "coming out", to be barraged by Christians and other Religious personalities. I had expected to be shouted at, or cornered, or spat upon, but so far the only guilt trips that I've had to endure are those that come from my mother.

That's interesting. Now that you've changed your worldview I would like to ask you some questions out of plain curiosity, having never been a theist myself.

Between the sense of community (social)  and the Truth (existential comfort) you felt as a Christian, which would you say your defense mechanisms were more quick to defend? I find the whole idea of cognitive dissonance interesting, and anger is a way to cope with it (though IMO rather immature, not exactly productive and can actually hinder attaining a goal). Did you feel that you deserved to feel angry at that atheist?

[Crow]

isn't that what I said?

*Goes and reads your post*

Haha, pretty much.

[Hector Valdez]

Wow, thanks, all of you. I didn't expect this! In my mind, I don't feel that there is a black and white catchall defense mechanism for religion. It's more like an individual becoming angry or defensive when something that they cherish is threatened. In my case, it was the existential and metaphysical beliefs that I held that were threatened. But, I can imagine that the social aspect of being a christian might become threatened, especially with growing numbers of an atheist community. This might escalate tensions.

[fester30]

I hope this isn't a literal cave.  Although the idea of someone coming out of a cave to use a computer and type in a forum would be intriguing to me.  As for your loneliness, I think you probably have to mark Christian Mingle dot com off your list as a way to solve that.  However, I have found that Happy Atheist Forum is a great place to start feeling like you're not alone (was putting that in bold too shameless of a plug?)  Welcome and I look forward to more of your wordcraft.

[Hector Valdez]

I hope this isn't a literal cave

No, of course not. Plato's Cave.

[kitty]

I do not know what to make of this. I feel like he who crawled out of the cave, only to be blinded by the harshness of the sun. I have come to enjoy a life unfettered by religion and abundant with peace and love and the wonders of the world. But, upon returning to the cave to share my joy with my friends and family, I find that they not only do not wish to leave the cave, but that they would probably not survive the trip to its mouth. The sunlight that so refreshed me would burn their skin, and the warmth of the air would be to them, the fires of hell.

What is to become of myself, who has become happy, and yet alone?

beautifully written once again. you are very talented, i look forward to more from you.
i totally relate to this, tho i'm nowhere near as bold as you in telling everyone i meet. it just doesnt seem to be something i can pop into a regular convo "btw i'm an atheist now!". or worse, when people are talking about heaven or angels or some such nonsense and i want to yell at them, but it seems to cross a line of appropriatness & i have to remember to be kind to my fellow humans, even when they are probably wrong haha.

[Sweetdeath]

Great post. I'm heading to bed, but had to stop to read that. I also joined this forum for a similar reason over a year ago.

(Yes, wow-- it has been a year since May, guys!! )


I find that most people might have a jealousy that I don't need a supernatural figure to cling to. That i dream, but don't take my dreams so damn seriously. My Catholic coworker Jessica went on about her religious experiences, and how they made her cry to realize she is 'one with God.'
It took a very strong will not to snort-- (which I tend to do on reflex when I hear rubbish like that,) -- and instead continue to work.

I almost find it painful when i hear such delusions. She is Spanish, and it feels like such a sad, sad stereotype, but i have seriously only met ONE Spanish atheist in my entire life. He was from Miami. A nice dude who attend atheist meetings a few times with me.


I don't....seriously understand it, but i almost do feel as if religious people might be jealous of my true ability to obtain freedom and peace of mind without the need for worship and prayer. Sad.