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Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

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Biggus Dickus

Quote from: Gloucester on June 08, 2017, 05:56:59 PM
The prospective member for Little Twittington stood at the lectern in front of the heckling crowd.

"Please be quiet, I can't even hear myself speak!"

In the sudden relative quiet a voice from the back called out, "That's alright, mate, no one is listening to you anyway!"


BTW like your maths jokes, Arturo!

I liked Arturo's math joke as well, though I'm not too sure about yours Glowchester.  :P

Wife discovers husband having affair.
Her: How could you?
Him: ... But her emails (Clinton)!
*everyone laughs*
Him: Also you probably have chlamydia
"Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair."

Dave

Quote from: Father Bruno on June 08, 2017, 06:26:40 PM
Quote from: Gloucester on June 08, 2017, 05:56:59 PM
The prospective member for Little Twittington stood at the lectern in front of the heckling crowd.

"Please be quiet, I can't even hear myself speak!"

In the sudden relative quiet a voice from the back called out, "That's alright, mate, no one is listening to you anyway!"


BTW like your maths jokes, Arturo!

I liked Arturo's math joke as well, though I'm not too sure about yours Glowchester.  :P

Wife discovers husband having affair.
Her: How could you?
Him: ... But her emails (Clinton)!
*everyone laughs*
Him: Also you probably have chlamydia

I have missed something with this, "...but her emails" thing. No comprendo. I know about the emails but...


(And yes, 'twas a feeble jest, but this whole election is a sick joke.
Tomorrow is precious, don't ruin it by fouling up today.
Passed Monday 10th Dec 2018 age 74

Biggus Dickus

Apparently, "Four Wongs", do make a "Wright"!






p.s. I love the first kidss name "Anakin", totally cool. 8)
p.p.s. You are "Zoe Wright", isn't bad either. ;D
"Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair."

Davin

Quote from: Gloucester on June 08, 2017, 06:35:18 PM
Quote from: Father Bruno on June 08, 2017, 06:26:40 PM
Quote from: Gloucester on June 08, 2017, 05:56:59 PM
The prospective member for Little Twittington stood at the lectern in front of the heckling crowd.

"Please be quiet, I can't even hear myself speak!"

In the sudden relative quiet a voice from the back called out, "That's alright, mate, no one is listening to you anyway!"


BTW like your maths jokes, Arturo!

I liked Arturo's math joke as well, though I'm not too sure about yours Glowchester.  :P

Wife discovers husband having affair.
Her: How could you?
Him: ... But her emails (Clinton)!
*everyone laughs*
Him: Also you probably have chlamydia

I have missed something with this, "...but her emails" thing. No comprendo. I know about the emails but...


(And yes, 'twas a feeble jest, but this whole election is a sick joke.



Always question all authorities because the authority you don't question is the most dangerous... except me, never question me.

Dave

Yeah, OK, Davin, I remember them - but they went over my head the first time!
:grin:

It is a form of humour I have yet to understand.
Tomorrow is precious, don't ruin it by fouling up today.
Passed Monday 10th Dec 2018 age 74

Dave

OK, getting there . . .

QuoteI'm new in Atlanta, so last week I went to Drinking Liberally, which is a get-together for, you guessed it, persons of liberal persuasion who want to drop sick references to sweet Springsteen songs without wondering if the people around them are into the Boss or not.

About one hour in, as everyone around me was talking about what fresh hell Trump was unleashing, the dude next to me said, in mock exasperation:

"But her emails! But her emails!'

It was like the Pastor had called for a response from the congregation. "But her emails!" replied the rest of the group. Not all at once, but staggered, as if all parties were concluding that they, too, were Spartacus. It was like the scene in Hot Fuzz where the group of villains intones "For the greater good," except with more assurance and le ironic flavor.

"But her emails" is a meme in liberal circles. There are a couple of mutations, but when people say "But her emails," they are usually referring to a particular image that I first saw after Secretary Clinton's loss in November. The picture is of a drowned town: water everywhere, with the tops of trees and houses visible in the background. In the foreground, there is a highway sign, sporting, in all caps, "BUT HER EMAILS," with Arthurian flair. The sign is mostly underwater.

https://www.pastemagazine.com/articles/2017/02/democrats-stop-saying-but-her-emails.html

Guess I missed the origin of the meme - not much of a meme-ist anyway I fear, don't do a lot for me.
Tomorrow is precious, don't ruin it by fouling up today.
Passed Monday 10th Dec 2018 age 74

Dave

Just realised that "mortgage" looks awfully like it derives from "death measure"!
Tomorrow is precious, don't ruin it by fouling up today.
Passed Monday 10th Dec 2018 age 74

Essie Mae

Quote from: Claireliontamer on May 27, 2017, 01:58:09 PM
Quote from: Gloucester on May 27, 2017, 10:00:22 AM
Quote from: OldGit on May 27, 2017, 09:26:51 AM
"I'm Sorry, I Haven't A Clue"  is still funny in parts, but not like it used to be.  Still worth a listen now and again.

I wonder if we could get a game of "Mornington Crescent" (part of said show) going here.

I tend to agree, but things of memory often seem better than the present. Still miss Willie Rushton.

"Mornington Crescent" was the one bit that did not do much for me.

The joy of Mornington Crescent is there are no rules, anything goes.  I wonder if anyone outside of the UK would get it though.

I've seen it likened to a Dutch auction, which might make it seem a bit more understandable.
Hell is empty and all the devils are here. Wm Shakespeare


Biggus Dickus

"Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair."

No one

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead are riding in an elevator.
A very attractive man gets on, rides few floors, and gets off.

Brunette: "Man! He was hot!"
Redhead: "He looks like he could use some head and shoulders."
Blond: "How do you give a guy shoulders?"

Icarus


Essie Mae

Quote from: No one on June 23, 2017, 08:22:49 PM
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead are riding in an elevator.
A very attractive man gets on, rides few floors, and gets off.

Brunette: "Man! He was hot!"
Redhead: "He looks like he could use some head and shoulders."
Blond: "How do you give a guy shoulders?"

If I'm getting that I've a far dirtier mind than I thought.
Hell is empty and all the devils are here. Wm Shakespeare


Dave

Not excatly a joke but I think its gunny: the World Taekwonfo Federation has changed it name to just - World Taekwondo.

WTF did they do that . . Oh...yeah...I see.
Tomorrow is precious, don't ruin it by fouling up today.
Passed Monday 10th Dec 2018 age 74

xSilverPhinx

Quote from: No one on June 23, 2017, 08:22:49 PM
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead are riding in an elevator.
A very attractive man gets on, rides few floors, and gets off.

Brunette: "Man! He was hot!"
Redhead: "He looks like he could use some head and shoulders."
Blond: "How do you give a guy shoulders?"

I'm guessing it means giving someone a nice massage and feeling jealous and emotionally betrayed when he goes to the spa. :P
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Dave

Quote from: xSilverPhinx on June 25, 2017, 01:23:27 AM
Quote from: No one on June 23, 2017, 08:22:49 PM
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead are riding in an elevator.
A very attractive man gets on, rides few floors, and gets off.

Brunette: "Man! He was hot!"
Redhead: "He looks like he could use some head and shoulders."
Blond: "How do you give a guy shoulders?"

I'm guessing it means giving someone a nice massage and feeling jealous and emotionally betrayed when he goes to the spa. :P

Yeah, I am sure you are right, Silver . . .(snicker)
Tomorrow is precious, don't ruin it by fouling up today.
Passed Monday 10th Dec 2018 age 74