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Advice?

Started by Xjeepguy, August 08, 2011, 06:15:35 PM

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Xjeepguy

I have been reading the threads on how to tell friends/family you are an atheist, and what makes my situation interesting is the fact that I am 34, my folks are in their 60's, and believe that their son is theist. My folks are fox news watching, conservative, bible reading nazerene christians.

My older brother is a closet atheist, and simply puts on a show when he goes over there. I dont want to do that.

So I guess my question is, How do I break the news to them as gentle as possible? It is gonna suck no matter how I do it, but I dont want to upset them too bad (mainly for health reasons) Or should I just keep my mouth shut and follow in my brother's footsteps?
If I were re-born 1000 times, it would be as an atheist 1000 times. -Heisenberg

Tank

#1
Well I have always been an atheist while my was a Xian 'Lite' Church of England. I became a more vocal atheist a few years ago, after reading The God Delusion. But I never told my mother as she was 80 by then and didn't see the need.

Frankly I just think you've got to bite the bullet. But I'd do it one at a time though and at your own pace. I'd definitely spend a good deal of time with your wife first and get her on-side.
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Whitney

Just do whatever is better for you and your family (as in wife and kids).  Telling them will probably create a lot of drama no matter how nicely you word it.    Yet not telling them may make you dread having to go over there just as much as the drama of honesty would.  Keep in mind that they could decide never to talk to you again, I have more than one friend who that has happened to when being honest with conservative family.

AnimatedDirt

Quote from: Whitney on August 08, 2011, 06:32:49 PM
Keep in mind that they could decide never to talk to you again, I have more than one friend who that has happened to when being honest with conservative family.

That is sad.

penfold

Quote from: Xjeepguy on August 08, 2011, 06:15:35 PM
I have been reading the threads on how to tell friends/family you are an atheist, and what makes my situation interesting is the fact that I am 34, my folks are in their 60's, and believe that their son is theist. My folks are fox news watching, conservative, bible reading nazerene christians.

It is a hard choice to make.

My own view is that if you love someone you should be honest with them. But, then again, I don't always follow that in practice...

Best of luck.

Sweetdeath


Quote from: AnimatedDirt on August 08, 2011, 06:48:58 PM
Quote from: Whitney on August 08, 2011, 06:32:49 PM
Keep in mind that they could decide never to talk to you again, I have more than one friend who that has happened to when being honest with conservative family.

That is sad.
Loving christians for you.  ::)
Law 35- "You got to go with what works." - Robin Lefler

Wiggum:"You have that much faith in me, Homer?"
Homer:"No! Faith is what you have in things that don't exist. Your awesomeness is real."

"I was thinking that perhaps this thing called God does not exist. Because He cannot save any one of us. No matter how we pray, He doesn't mend our wounds.

Sweetdeath

I would tell them.  Try to not make too big of a deal, and maybe explain how this doesnt change your relationship by much.

I'm sorry, but it's worse to live a lie, then let them die ignorant.
Law 35- "You got to go with what works." - Robin Lefler

Wiggum:"You have that much faith in me, Homer?"
Homer:"No! Faith is what you have in things that don't exist. Your awesomeness is real."

"I was thinking that perhaps this thing called God does not exist. Because He cannot save any one of us. No matter how we pray, He doesn't mend our wounds.

xSilverPhinx

I think, if religion isn't a significant part of your family life, you might want to think twice before telling them as it can cause unnecessary conflict.

If you choose to tell them, maybe you could try and firstly educate them on how you see the world and think as an atheist first, especially if they're the type (as many are) who demonise atheists.
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Medusa

My mother is 77 years old and mentally ill (but lives 'mostly' in reality) and has no idea what my religion is. She knows my address, my phone at home and at work. I see her often enough. She's in the city next to my work. But she has no idea I am a Satanist. In fact I don't think she cares what I am. She's 77. My relationship with her does not involve religion. It involves me taking her to lunch and buying her stuff from the 99 cents store. I'm not hiding anything from her. But religion is not our relationship.


BUT if religion is part of your relationship with your parents then you have to decide. Which is more important between the two.

We all give the whole I DONT WANT TO LIVE A LIE speech. But deep down inside how honest are we with every single human being we come across as it is? We don't just open shop in someone's face on a daily basis. Hi, my name is Debbie and I masturbate to furry porn. Sometimes we let people know what is relevant to that relationship.
She has the blood of reptile....just underneath her skin...

Xjeepguy

Thanks for the advice everybody, I have a month before I go see them again (400 miles each way) and I am going to do it in person. Prolly need a shot of jager or two first, but I'm gonna do it. My wife is kinda cool about it now, and I am going to sit the kids down soon and have the chat. They're old enough to understand.
If I were re-born 1000 times, it would be as an atheist 1000 times. -Heisenberg

Sweetdeath

Sounds good.   Best of luck, xjeepguy.
Law 35- "You got to go with what works." - Robin Lefler

Wiggum:"You have that much faith in me, Homer?"
Homer:"No! Faith is what you have in things that don't exist. Your awesomeness is real."

"I was thinking that perhaps this thing called God does not exist. Because He cannot save any one of us. No matter how we pray, He doesn't mend our wounds.

OldGit

Good luck, Xjeepguy!

Tank

Small steps, don't do it when there is a crowd around you. Good luck.
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

xSilverPhinx

Best of luck, and I hope all turns out well.
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Gawen

I agree with Whitney.
The essence of the mind is not in what it thinks, but how it thinks. Faith is the surrender of our mind; of reason and our skepticism to put all our trust or faith in someone or something that has no good evidence of itself. That is a sinister thing to me. Of all the supposed virtues, faith is not.
"When you fall, I will be there" - Floor