News:

if there were no need for 'engineers from the quantum plenum' then we should not have any unanswered scientific questions.

Main Menu

Prejudice for the sake of prejudice - Awkward scenario

Started by Amicale, May 25, 2012, 05:22:19 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Amicale

So, I work with a regular client who I get along with fairly well. This person seemed, at first, to be very nice, very friendly, very laid back. This person stated in an offhand way that they didn't happen to believe in God, and from the way this person describes their own personal relationships, they certainly aren't conservative, traditional, or uptight about stuff in general.

Then out of nowhere, yesterday, this person starts making fun of gay men, using all sorts of slurs and epithets. Today, they continued with the innuendo and slurs, adding lesbians to their hitlist... and then moved onto their particular racial prejudices, commenting on a few different ethnicities. Which I find odd, considering my client is of a specific ethnic minority, themselves. I'm just grateful I never gave them much personal information about myself.

It's frustrating. This is someone I'll be working with often, in the foreseeable near future (for at least the summer). So far, I've tried to re-direct the conversation back on track, I've tried pointing out that the more people one knows in a particular group, the more one's stereotypes and prejudices are broken down, etc.... but it seems like I'm in a position where I have a choice: keep them as a client and put up with their BS, keep them as a client but politely call them on their BS and ask them to refrain from it, or choose to ditch them as a client.

In the end, I'll probably end up keeping them as a client, but putting my foot down more consistently, insisting conversation stay professional. There's the chance they could ditch me, but it's a chance I'm willing to take. I don't want to hear the gay-bashing jokes, or the racist jokes, again. And really, the whole thing kinda makes me go "  ???  ::) " because these types of jokes, I'd think I'd be more likely to hear from fundie Christians, NOT more 'liberal' atheists. Takes all types, I guess?

Have any of you ever experienced this at work, though? Someone really shooting their mouth off, and you not being able to say too much? How'd it all go down?


"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan

Stevil

Quote from: Amicale on May 25, 2012, 05:22:19 AM
Have any of you ever experienced this at work, though? Someone really shooting their mouth off, and you not being able to say too much? How'd it all go down?
I work in a pretty professional corporate environment, discrimination of any type is not tolerated. I don't generally know if people are religious or not as the topic never comes up. With regards to gays, they are everywhere, often you don't even know who is gay, well, I can't tell, not that I look for it, who cares which way people are oriented.
Basically, if you discriminate then you get fired. So people don't, not at work anyways.

But a friend of my wife, her boyfriend is a tradesman, he is not PC at all, discriminates and everything, tries to make jokes, we don't laugh.
I find it quite strange actually, because I guess we tend to mingle with friends and workmates so we get out of touch with people in different circles. But there are many different worlds out there.

How to stop someone discriminating is the hard question.
I would start off subtly, e.g. don't laugh at their jokes, don't join in the conversation or try and change topic.
If they don't get the hint, maybe talk about some friends or relations that you have you are gay or whatever it is this person is discriminating against. Tell them how much you like or respect that "gay" person and how hard it must be for them when people discriminate against them.
If they still carry on then just plain tell them that it bothers you and you would politely request that they refrain from doing it.
If they keep it up, I would then warn them that I would force to make a formal complain to their boss.

Tank

You could drop into the conversation that you're a lesbian. He'll either shut up or bugger off.
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Guardian85

There was a place I used to work where one customer was making other customers (lesbian couple) uncomfertable using a lot of discriminating slurs and jokes about gays within hearing distance of them. Luckily this was a bar, and I was the big mean bouncer. I asked him politely to shut up. He refused. Called me a faggot.

20 seconds later he was picking himself up off the sidewalk.


"If scientist means 'not the dumbest motherfucker in the room,' I guess I'm a scientist, then."
-Unknown Smartass-

OldGit

Quote from: TankYou could drop into the conversation that you're a lesbian. He'll either shut up or bugger off.

I agree, though I have no idea how bad it would be for you financially to lose this client.  Do you really need to put up with him?  In any case, as Tank says, he might well not leave you, but start to watch his mouth.

En_Route

Quote from: Guardian85 on May 25, 2012, 09:23:30 AM
There was a place I used to work where one customer was making other customers (lesbian couple) uncomfertable using a lot of discriminating slurs and jokes about gays within hearing distance of them. Luckily this was a bar, and I was the big mean bouncer. I asked him politely to shut up. He refused. Called me a faggot.

20 seconds later he was picking himself up off the sidewalk.

Would you have ejected him in similarly unceremonious fashion if he hadn't called you a faggot?
Some ideas are so stupid only an intellectual could believe them (Orwell).

En_Route

Quote from: Amicale on May 25, 2012, 05:22:19 AM
So, I work with a regular client who I get along with fairly well. This person seemed, at first, to be very nice, very friendly, very laid back. This person stated in an offhand way that they didn't happen to believe in God, and from the way this person describes their own personal relationships, they certainly aren't conservative, traditional, or uptight about stuff in general.

Then out of nowhere, yesterday, this person starts making fun of gay men, using all sorts of slurs and epithets. Today, they continued with the innuendo and slurs, adding lesbians to their hitlist... and then moved onto their particular racial prejudices, commenting on a few different ethnicities. Which I find odd, considering my client is of a specific ethnic minority, themselves. I'm just grateful I never gave them much personal information about myself.

It's frustrating. This is someone I'll be working with often, in the foreseeable near future (for at least the summer). So far, I've tried to re-direct the conversation back on track, I've tried pointing out that the more people one knows in a particular group, the more one's stereotypes and prejudices are broken down, etc.... but it seems like I'm in a position where I have a choice: keep them as a client and put up with their BS, keep them as a client but politely call them on their BS and ask them to refrain from it, or choose to ditch them as a client.

In the end, I'll probably end up keeping them as a client, but putting my foot down more consistently, insisting conversation stay professional. There's the chance they could ditch me, but it's a chance I'm willing to take. I don't want to hear the gay-bashing jokes, or the racist jokes, again. And really, the whole thing kinda makes me go "  ???  ::) " because these types of jokes, I'd think I'd be more likely to hear from fundie Christians, NOT more 'liberal' atheists. Takes all types, I guess?

Have any of you ever experienced this at work, though? Someone really shooting their mouth off, and you not being able to say too much? How'd it all go down?


I've had clients with the most appalling opinions. This has never bothered me because I don't  care what their worldview is and I focus on the professional relationship. There's plenty of bigots  and backwoods men out there and that's life.  If the client relationship is going to be short/ term, I'd bite your lip and do nothing to encourage  him when he indulges in his bile. Why let his obnoxiousness cause you to forego income?

Some ideas are so stupid only an intellectual could believe them (Orwell).

Guardian85

Quote from: En_Route on May 25, 2012, 10:31:13 AM
Quote from: Guardian85 on May 25, 2012, 09:23:30 AM
There was a place I used to work where one customer was making other customers (lesbian couple) uncomfertable using a lot of discriminating slurs and jokes about gays within hearing distance of them. Luckily this was a bar, and I was the big mean bouncer. I asked him politely to shut up. He refused. Called me a faggot.

20 seconds later he was picking himself up off the sidewalk.

Would you have ejected him in similarly unceremonious fashion if he hadn't called you a faggot?

If he didn't stop bothering the other customers he was going out anyway, but we had a policy about displaying such hostile attitudes towards the staff. But I will admit it was quite satisfying.


"If scientist means 'not the dumbest motherfucker in the room,' I guess I'm a scientist, then."
-Unknown Smartass-

Ali

I haven't really run into this with clients or coworkers.  Like Stevil, I work in a very professional field, and jokes/topics of conversation like that are verboten.  I have encountered it a few times in casual situations (parties and whatnot) and my typical response is what I call my "You're a jackass" face.  Basically it's a head tilt paired with raised eye brows, wide eyes that look off into the far distance, and a very small polite but obviously not heart felt smile.  If that doesn't do the trick, interupting whatever they're saying with a quick "excuse me" with the same polite smile and then darting away mid-sentence (which I would feel rude doing in almost any other scenario) is step two. 

DeterminedJuliet

Quote from: Ali on May 25, 2012, 07:45:44 PM
what I call my "You're a jackass" face.  Basically it's a head tilt paired with raised eye brows, wide eyes that look off into the far distance, and a very small polite but obviously not heart felt smile. 

Hahaha, I totally do this, too!

After working in reception for a few years, I've also found that a good way to deal with rambly/obnoxious people is to just stop interacting with them. If they're on the phone, just go silent. If they're in person, continue to make eye contact with them, but sit completely still and do not respond to what they're saying (don't say "uh-huh" or "I see"). Inappropriate people are usually looking for positive re-enforcement and are often willing to take ANY response as such. If you stop responding entirely, they start to realize that they're rambling and you aren't agreeing with them. Then they get awkward and stop talking. That's when you can respond by getting back on topic and pretending that you never heard their crazy rant. It's a little rude, but it saves a heck of a lot of time and it usually makes them feel self conscious enough to save their obnoxiousness for someone else next time.
"We've thought of life by analogy with a journey, with pilgrimage which had a serious purpose at the end, and the THING was to get to that end; success, or whatever it is, or maybe heaven after you're dead. But, we missed the point the whole way along; It was a musical thing and you were supposed to sing, or dance, while the music was being played.

rainbowcat212

I've been in the situation before... it's not fun

If it is somebody that I know that I have to work with a while, I will try to put up with it. However; if it gets too out of hand I will kindly ask them to keep their opinions of that group of people to themselves.
So many years have passed, since I proclaimed my independence, my mission, my aim, and my vision, so secure, content to live each day like it's my last, it's wonderful to know, that I could be, something more than what I dreamed, far beyond what I could see -Dream Theater

Sandra Craft

If you truly don't mind the possibility of losing a client, I'd suggest telling them flat out that you're a lesbian, then tell them this below and ask if they have a preference:

Quote from: Amicale on May 25, 2012, 05:22:19 AM
I'm in a position where I have a choice: keep them as a client and put up with their BS, keep them as a client but politely call them on their BS and ask them to refrain from it, or choose to ditch them as a client.

This reminds me a bit of that old story about Einsenhower asking his secretary in the Army to get rid of the lesbians on his staff, and being told she'd be glad to do that but giving him a long list of all the good soldiers he'd be losing, starting with her.

Quote from: Guardian85 on May 25, 2012, 09:23:30 AM
There was a place I used to work where one customer was making other customers (lesbian couple) uncomfertable using a lot of discriminating slurs and jokes about gays within hearing distance of them. Luckily this was a bar, and I was the big mean bouncer. I asked him politely to shut up. He refused. Called me a faggot.

20 seconds later he was picking himself up off the sidewalk.

;D
Sandy

  

"Life is short, and it is up to you to make it sweet."  Sarah Louise Delany

DeterminedJuliet

Quote from: Guardian85 on May 25, 2012, 07:05:59 PM
Quote from: En_Route on May 25, 2012, 10:31:13 AM
Quote from: Guardian85 on May 25, 2012, 09:23:30 AM
There was a place I used to work where one customer was making other customers (lesbian couple) uncomfertable using a lot of discriminating slurs and jokes about gays within hearing distance of them. Luckily this was a bar, and I was the big mean bouncer. I asked him politely to shut up. He refused. Called me a faggot.

20 seconds later he was picking himself up off the sidewalk.

Would you have ejected him in similarly unceremonious fashion if he hadn't called you a faggot?

If he didn't stop bothering the other customers he was going out anyway, but we had a policy about displaying such hostile attitudes towards the staff. But I will admit it was quite satisfying.

Anyone stupid enough to call a bouncer a faggot deserves it, I say.
"We've thought of life by analogy with a journey, with pilgrimage which had a serious purpose at the end, and the THING was to get to that end; success, or whatever it is, or maybe heaven after you're dead. But, we missed the point the whole way along; It was a musical thing and you were supposed to sing, or dance, while the music was being played.

Anti-antidisestablishmentarianism

Quote from: Guardian85 on May 25, 2012, 09:23:30 AM
There was a place I used to work where one customer was making other customers (lesbian couple) uncomfertable using a lot of discriminating slurs and jokes about gays within hearing distance of them. Luckily this was a bar, and I was the big mean bouncer. I asked him politely to shut up. He refused. Called me a faggot.

20 seconds later he was picking himself up off the sidewalk.
Nice.  I have often fantasized about doing such things to prejudice people I just never had the guts. Sounds like it was a fun job!
"All murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets." -Voltaire
"By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out". Richard Dawkins

Guardian85



"If scientist means 'not the dumbest motherfucker in the room,' I guess I'm a scientist, then."
-Unknown Smartass-