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Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

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Biggus Dickus

In the shark-infested waters of the Caribbean, two prawns called Justin and Christian are discussing the pressures of being a preyed-upon prawn. "I hate being a prawn," says Justin. "I wish I were a shark." Suddenly, a mysterious cod appears. "Your wish is granted," he says. Instantly, Justin becomes a shark. Horrified, Christian swims away, afraid his former friend might eat him. As time passes, Christian continues to avoid Justin, leaving the shrimp-turned-man-eater lonely and frustrated. So when he bumps into the cod again, he begs the mysterious fish to change him back. Lo and behold, Justin is turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, he swims back to the reef to seek out Christian. As he approaches, he shouts out: "It's me, Justin, your old friend. I've changed... I've found Cod. I'm a prawn again, Christian


Frog goes into a bank looking to get a mortgage. He sits down at the loan officer's desk and reads her name plate, 'Patty Black'.

He explains why he has come to the bank and Patty asks him what he has to offer as collateral. "What's collateral?", asks Frog. She explains, "That's something of value you offer the bank to keep in case you cannot repay the money."

The frog thinks for a moment, then he reaches in his pocket and produces a little giraffe figurine made of marble.

Ms. Black looks confused for a minute but she does not want to be rude. She picks up the little giraffe and excuses herself to speak to the manager.

She explains to the manager that Frog has come to the bank looking for a mortgage and offers this small giraffe as collateral. She continues, "but I'm not really sure what it is." The bank manager looks at her confidently, leans back in his chair and says, "Why that's a knick-knack, Patty Black. Give the frog a loan!"
"Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair."

Magdalena


"I've had several "spiritual" or numinous experiences over the years, but never felt that they were the product of anything but the workings of my own mind in reaction to the universe." ~Recusant

xSilverPhinx

Ooh! Ooooh! I've got a good one!  :computerwave:

A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.

The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously he was drowned and never returned.

The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never returned.

The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, "The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water".


:grin:
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Dave

Tomorrow is precious, don't ruin it by fouling up today.
Passed Monday 10th Dec 2018 age 74

hermes2015

"Eventually everything connects - people, ideas, objects. The quality of the connections is the key to quality per se."
― Charles Eames

xSilverPhinx

It reminds me a bit of what a professor said to a student during an undergraduate biophysics class on solubility. One student said that keratin (that makes up nails, hair and even the outer layer of skin) was soluble in water, to which the professor replied, 'I would hope not! Otherwise you would keep as far away from water as possible!'

(real story)
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Dave

Quote from: xSilverPhinx on March 10, 2018, 02:25:29 PM
It reminds me a bit of what a professor said to a student during an undergraduate biophysics class on solubility. One student said that keratin (that makes up nails, hair and even the outer layer of skin) was soluble in water, to which the professor replied, 'I would hope not! Otherwise you would keep as far away from water as possible!'

(real story)

Duh!
Tomorrow is precious, don't ruin it by fouling up today.
Passed Monday 10th Dec 2018 age 74

xSilverPhinx

I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Tank

If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

xSilverPhinx

I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


xSilverPhinx

I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


xSilverPhinx

Someone posted this on Facebook:

Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Tank

Quote from: xSilverPhinx on March 16, 2018, 04:01:40 PM
Someone posted this on Facebook:

Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.
Stolan
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

xSilverPhinx

I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


xSilverPhinx

I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey