Need support - boyfriend is Jehovah

[PoopShoot]

Actually my bf once said that if god wasn't real what would stop him from going around killing everyone and then ultimately killing himself.

When people tell me that I tell them that I don't need an invisible man to tell me that's a fucked up thing to do.

[The Magic Pudding]

Actually my bf once said that if god wasn't real what would stop him from going around killing everyone and then ultimately killing himself.

If this doesn't illustrate a character flaw I don't know what would.
This is a person I just wouldn't want to be around.
I tried putting up with this sort of crap from friends years ago.
I no longer have patience for this kind of stupidity.

Many Australians have a vague belief they picked up in childhood.
This doesn't effect their day to day lives, I'm married to one, it isn't a problem.
This fundamentalist stuff is another matter.

This thread is interesting.
viewtopic.php?f=44&t=5732&p=81008#p81008

[Tank]

Chrome, how would you feel if your boyfriend were no longer your boyfriend?

[chrome]

Chrome, how would you feel if your boyfriend were no longer your boyfriend?

I would truly be really sad and would miss him immensely... he is like my best friend. I have been with him for 3 and a half years so it wouldn't be easy. Why do you ask?

[Whitney]

How long has he been this immersed in practicing his religion?  It could just be a phase that he needs to work through.

If it is unlikely to be a phase imagine yourself married to a very pious man for the rest of your life...do you see yourself as happy?  If yes, then stay with him.  If no, it's probably time to move on while you are still friends.

[Tank]

Chrome, how would you feel if your boyfriend were no longer your boyfriend?

I would truly be really sad and would miss him immensely... he is like my best friend. I have been with him for 3 and a half years so it wouldn't be easy. Why do you ask?

To try to understand how important he is to you as you will have to balance those feelings against the possibility of a break up or not. Not sure I'm particularly  suited to give you advice as I've never faced your problem. Still considering what I would do in your circumstances.

[i_am_i]

Chrome, what if someone were to say to you: stay with the guy. Forget about about the fact that he's religious and you're not, forget it, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you stay with him, that you marry him if he proposes to you and that you live with him as his wife, attend church with him, bear and raise his children according to his religious beliefs while doing your level best to counteract what he teaches them. Stay with him while you do your best to be yourself and pursue your own goals even though you and you husband are moving in two completely different directions and will be for the rest of your lives unless and until one of you goes over to the other's side.

What would you say to that?

[darkcyd]

The whole thing sounds fishy to me. I've allowed anybody to change my belief. In my minds eye, if you literature holds up to scrutiny with you, it should hold up without you. And that never is the case. All these religions offer an instant social network that may be appealing but do you believe your boyfriend would have converted without the social element? If not, I would say that is more the problem than anything else.

Very few people just pick up holy book x and convert. Its all a ploy of very happy well polished used car salesmen.

Challenge him to go without the social element for 2-3 months. If he maintains he wants to be in that faith, then he probably will be and you'll have to make your own decisions.

[PoopShoot]

Chrome, what if someone were to say to you: stay with the guy. Forget about about the fact that he's religious and you're not, forget it, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you stay with him, that you marry him if he proposes to you and that you live with him as his wife, attend church with him, bear and raise his children according to his religious beliefs while doing your level best to counteract what he teaches them. Stay with him while you do your best to be yourself and pursue your own goals even though you and you husband are moving in two completely different directions and will be for the rest of your lives unless and until one of you goes over to the other's side.

What would you say to that?

This couldn't happen.  The Watchtower society has guidelines for baptism and one of those guidelines is to cut off ties with unbelieving friends/lovers.

[Parsifal]

Hi Chrome,

You have my sympathy.  I was in a situation like this once, and it didn't work.  In fact, it was one of the reasons I started reading actively on atheism, religion and evolution.  Maybe if I had known then what I know now about how religious people think, I would have treated the situation differently.  My ex wanted to convert me to christianity, despite the fact that I used to be a christian (by default I'd say, my parents were missionaries) and there was no way that I was going to go back to believing in fairy tales and suspending reason, not even for a relationship.  One thing my ex threw at me was that it was my Christian upbringing that made me the, according to her, wonderful boyfriend I was.  I replied to her that I am nice, or try to be, because I believe that is the right thing to do, not because I'm commanded to do so by a mass mudering, psychotic, depraved god.

As the relationship was very troubled, anyway, this christianity phase was just the last nail in the coffin, and we broke up a few months later.

One thing she insisted on, however, was to stop having sex, so that God wouldn't punish her.  This was a little too much for me.  Not only because I love having sex, but religion's obsession with sex is something I truly cannot understand.  No one has ever been able to explain to me what is wrong with sex outside the marriage.  I can understand not stealing, lying and murdering (yet again, I wouldn't need God to tell me not to do that) but what is the harm caused by sex to society?  My particular favourite explanation is that God didn't intend for us to have sex outside the marriage, i.e. we would be doing something not intended for us.  Good, but why?  And then the explanations range from the bizarre to downright lunatic.  Apparently, sex outside the marriage also disturbs the social order.

[Parsifal]

Poopshoot wrote: The Watchtower society has guidelines for baptism and one of those guidelines is to cut off ties with unbelieving friends/lovers.

Of course, any outside influences that might open your eyes, have to be shut off.  Perfect conditions for brainwashing.  I simply cannot see my life without my unbelieving friends and lovers.

[chrome]

Challenge him to go without the social element for 2-3 months. If he maintains he wants to be in that faith, then he probably will be and you'll have to make your own decisions.

He doesn't at this [point have a social element... his only exposure is at work with 2 of his co-workers.

Chrome, what if someone were to say to you: stay with the guy. Forget about about the fact that he's religious and you're not, forget it, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you stay with him, that you marry him if he proposes to you and that you live with him as his wife, attend church with him, bear and raise his children according to his religious beliefs while doing your level best to counteract what he teaches them. Stay with him while you do your best to be yourself and pursue your own goals even though you and you husband are moving in two completely different directions and will be for the rest of your lives unless and until one of you goes over to the other's side.

What would you say to that?

I would say FUCK THAT... I am more of a 21st century woman and I believe in equality - That sort of life feels kinda dull to me and a bit of a lie. Stupid religion always ruins everything!

Surely it is not as bad as everybody makes it... I reckon I'm gonna stay and see how things go - I do love him too much to leave him... hmm maybe it is just a phase!

One thing she insisted on, however, was to stop having sex, so that God wouldn't punish her.  This was a little too much for me.  Not only because I love having sex, but religion's obsession with sex is something I truly cannot understand.  No one has ever been able to explain to me what is wrong with sex outside the marriage.  I can understand not stealing, lying and murdering (yet again, I wouldn't need God to tell me not to do that) but what is the harm caused by sex to society?  My particular favorite explanation is that God didn't intend for us to have sex outside the marriage, i.e. we would be doing something not intended for us.  Good, but why?  And then the explanations range from the bizarre to downright lunatic.  Apparently, sex outside the marriage also disturbs the social order.

I believe that sex is actually a very important part of a relationship - it makes you feel closer to one another and it's like the funnest free thing you can do  :hmm: hmmm doesn't really make much sense still  

[i_am_i]

My bf explained the sex before marriage thing to me as - God has given you a present (sex) You are not supposed to open that present till your wedding night and is disrespectful if you do so.

Okay, so this happened in the twenty first century, correct? He said to you, in the twenty first century, that sex is a present from God, right?

Look, chrome, I just don't know what else to tell you. Everything you've related about this boyfriend of yours makes him sound, to me anyway, like a real fucking drag, and a not too bright one for that matter.

I think you should walk away from this relationship. I think you want to walk away too, or you wouldn't have started this thread in the first place, no?

Look, there's nothing wrong with being alone, with not having a boyfriend. What's wrong is surrendering your own integrity.

[Tank]

One thing she insisted on, however, was to stop having sex, so that God wouldn't punish her.  This was a little too much for me.  Not only because I love having sex, but religion's obsession with sex is something I truly cannot understand.  No one has ever been able to explain to me what is wrong with sex outside the marriage.  I can understand not stealing, lying and murdering (yet again, I wouldn't need God to tell me not to do that) but what is the harm caused by sex to society?  My particular favorite explanation is that God didn't intend for us to have sex outside the marriage, i.e. we would be doing something not intended for us.  Good, but why?  And then the explanations range from the bizarre to downright lunatic.  Apparently, sex outside the marriage also disturbs the social order.

I believe that sex is actually a very important part of a relationship - it makes you feel closer to one another and it's like the funnest free thing you can do  :hmm: hmmm doesn't really make much sense still  

If he is starting to attempt to control you at a sexual level show him the door, immediately and without question. It's just the start of a huge slippery slope of manipulation you must not let him create. It might be sex now but in due course it will be who you can be friends with, who you can see and eventually what you can think. You have a right to sexual self expression. If you choose to express that in a monogamous situation and expect fidelity in return your partner needs to understand they have a responsibility to meet your needs and visa versa. Sexual manipulation and control are not something anybody should accept in a relationship, it's a strong sign of a controlling and domineering personality. This is not the same as saying 'I don't like you playing with my xyz because it's yucky' that's just personal taste and needs to be dealt with in a mature way. It's when somebody starts to attempt to dictate how the other behaves 'I am going to play with your xyz because I have a right to!' or 'I don't like your sex toys, get rid of them.' That the alarm bells should be ringing.

Your boyfriend can bin his porn, that's his choice about how he behaves. But if he changes his behaviour towards you and simply demands you accept that then I would say he is putting your pleasure and happiness below his own sense of self. Not good in my opinion. It's more about his respect for you as an individual verses his desire to be part of an institution. You really do need to assert yourself here otherwise you're in for a long, slow, painful and potentially damaging relationship collapse where you could end up blaming yourself when you are not at fault.

You have to realise that when a religion really gets it's claws into a person it can utterly change them. Usually it amplifies a person's basic traits. A good person can become saintly a bad person can be driven to murder. It is highly unlikely that you will recognise your boyfriend in a year if he continues to fall into the clutches of the JW cult.

[epepke]

chrome, how old are you?  I ask because after a half dozen instance of someone's ripping out your heart and stamping that sucker flat, it becomes a lot easier to make appropriate choices.