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Social Issues as an Atheist

Started by Curmudgeond, July 22, 2010, 10:31:13 PM

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Curmudgeond

OK, I've been an atheist for a very long time, most of my 59+/- years. My parents never mentioned religion, never had me attend a church and I just don't see the point in religion. My current problem is that, at my age, I am being invited to many weddings and former friends and co-workers are passing away. Many of the activities surrounding the weddings and funerals are, of course, held in churches and follow religious ceremony. To the extent possible, I send my regrets and an appropriate gift or donation. However, there have been a few instances, such as today, when I felt a need to attend a service. (One of my co-workers of 15 years passed away suddenly. He was a devout Catholic.)

I generally avoid churches and other religious buildings. And, when I am at such a service, I do NOT participate other than standing/sitting at the same time as the other participants. Otherwise, I avoid these services as unnecessary and superstitious events.

Also, when introduced to a priest, rabbi, reverend, I find it difficult, if not impossible, to use a saluation other than "Mr." for these people. Afterall, a Catholic priest is in no way shape or form my "father."

How do other atheists handle these situations?

SSY

#1
I'll attend something in a  church, I normally quite like the buildings, but I won't join in with the praying, or take part in a ceremony. It's an easy way to let people know you're there for the person, rather than to appease an almighty god.
Quote from: "Godschild"SSY: You are fairly smart and to think I thought you were a few fries short of a happy meal.
Quote from: "Godschild"explain to them how and why you decided to be athiest and take the consequences that come along with it
Quote from: "Aedus"Unlike atheists, I'm not an angry prick

Thumpalumpacus

It doesn't bother me to be in a church, but if it does you, you seem to have worked out a mudus vivendi.

So far as personal addresses, I stick to "sir" and "ma'am".
Illegitimi non carborundum.

philosoraptor

It's never really bothered me.  And the last wedding I attended used an interfaith minister.  In place of the more traditional religious blessings, he used an Apache blessing that made no mention of a higher power.

Funerals are hard-I've never been to one that didn't mention God.  Now they're with God, their pain is over, blah blah blah.  That's great.  Tell that to my aunt who's only son shot himself in the face, and whose faith tells her he will go to Hell for it.  I don't think the religious aspects provide comfort to even the religious in these situations (death in general, not just suicide).  What provides comfort is having your friends and family there to support you.  For that reason, I think it would be selfish not to attend a funeral just because it was held in a place of worship.

For the record, I attend midnight Mass every Christmas, either with my mother or my boyfriend's great aunt and grandparents.  It means a lot to them, so I do it.  2 hours in church is a small price to pay for maintaining friendly family relationships.  The hilarious thing is this past Xmas, his great aunt and grandma both gave me gifts, but didn't give anything to his cousins (this is probably not entirely unrelated to my willingness to go to church).  If anything, I treat the ceremony the same way I would a play or movie-it's pure entertainment.  I go through the motions-they don't mean anything to me, so it's never bothered me.  Of course, if people knew I was just going through the motions rather than believing in them, they'd probably consider it sacrilegious.  I also love Christmas music.  It gives me the warm fuzzies, even if I don't believe in it.
"Come ride with me through the veins of history,
I'll show you how god falls asleep on the job.
And how can we win when fools can be kings?
Don't waste your time or time will waste you."
-Muse

Whitney

I go to weddings because they are fun and friends appreciate people taking part in their special day..I guess I might show up to the reception only if it were a catholic wedding simply because I've heard those take forever.  I just don't participate in the prayers, no one seems to notice and if they do notice they don't mind enough to say anything.

Funerals/memorials are for people who need them to grieve; I don't need to attend a ceremony for that process.  For this reason I don't go to them unless my being there will help others through their grieving process...this means only for very close friends and family.  I would prefer to never go to one that has a viewing..that's gross, creepy, and no longer necessary.  Since I'm young these are few and far between for me...only have attended one memorial as an atheist; it was for my grandmother and it would have been better for me emotionally if I had not gone since I was also not really over my anger at religion at that time either so it was like losing her twice when they kept on saying she was in heaven and I no longer could buy that idea.

A large majority of my friends are freethinkers and the rest don't seem to be very religious or are otherwise pretty liberal in their beliefs....so I guess I don't have to worry much about being asked to go to a church either.

Kylyssa

I go to weddings and funerals in churches.  I don't pray, take communion, or stand and kneel on command.  Weddings and funerals are social events you just suffer through.  It's about being supportive and not hurting anyone's feelings.

That said, I despise both weddings and funerals - and no, it has nothing to do with having been a florist for 18 years.  Now visitation, visitation makes sense to me as does the reception after a wedding.  The reception is a celebration of the couple's marriage.  The marriage itself occurs at the signing of the documents.  

I don't understand the fascination and obsession people have with weddings.  I loved creating flower arrangements for them but I could never understand what possesses people to spend more than a good down-payment on a house in a decent neighborhood on a frelling party.  I've served brides who ordered over $15,000 of flowers alone.

And funerals, funerals are quite bluntly a fucking scam.  There's no reason why it should cost $15,000 to dispose of a corpse.  Many funeral directors prey on people who are too grief stricken to know up from down.  I wrote a page on how to save on funerals, pointing out a number of the ways people get screwed by funeral homes because I feel there's a need for it.

Martin TK

Actually, I lke going to churches, there are a lot of really pretty churches out there.  When I was in England, I spent time visiting churches there, some older than the US.  I think as an atheist, we don't have to avoid religion altogether, especially in context of our own personal relationship to others.  I can not believe in god and still appreciate a funeral or a wedding, I can even be nice to a preacher or a priest.
"Ever since the 19th Century, Theologians have made an overwhelming case that the gospels are NOT reliable accounts of what happened in the history of the real world"   Richard Dawkins - The God Delusion

Tank

Quote from: "Curmudgeond"OK, I've been an atheist for a very long time, most of my 59+/- years. My parents never mentioned religion, never had me attend a church and I just don't see the point in religion. My current problem is that, at my age, I am being invited to many weddings and former friends and co-workers are passing away. Many of the activities surrounding the weddings and funerals are, of course, held in churches and follow religious ceremony. To the extent possible, I send my regrets and an appropriate gift or donation. However, there have been a few instances, such as today, when I felt a need to attend a service. (One of my co-workers of 15 years passed away suddenly. He was a devout Catholic.)

I generally avoid churches and other religious buildings. And, when I am at such a service, I do NOT participate other than standing/sitting at the same time as the other participants. Otherwise, I avoid these services as unnecessary and superstitious events.

Also, when introduced to a priest, rabbi, reverend, I find it difficult, if not impossible, to use a saluation other than "Mr." for these people. Afterall, a Catholic priest is in no way shape or form my "father."

How do other atheists handle these situations?
I just go with the flow. Been to a funeral of a friends father and a wedding recently. Don't sweat it is what I would say. You are attending for the person or their family or as a mark of respect to a life ending. The fact that these events are not of your choosing lets you out of full compliance in my opinion. I think another factor comes into play here as well. The presiding official will know full well that the people attending a 'hatching, matching or despatching' will not all be religious regulars and thus won't all be 'of the faith' so if they have any brain they'll know to mind their comments. So go and take from the event what is intended and ignore the 'woo' as best you can.
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

AtheistInEden

Quote from: "Kylyssa"I go to weddings and funerals in churches.  I don't pray, take communion, or stand and kneel on command.  Weddings and funerals are social events you just suffer through.  It's about being supportive and not hurting anyone's feelings.

I'm the same way. Another person's wedding or funeral is not about me and my lack of faith.

I do love churches. Some of them are so beautiful.

pinkocommie

Quote from: "AtheistInEden"
Quote from: "Kylyssa"I go to weddings and funerals in churches.  I don't pray, take communion, or stand and kneel on command.  Weddings and funerals are social events you just suffer through.  It's about being supportive and not hurting anyone's feelings.

I'm the same way. Another person's wedding or funeral is not about me and my lack of faith.

I do love churches. Some of them are so beautiful.

I like brick architecture and I love stained glass, so a lot of churches are like a peanut butter/chocolate thing for me.
Ubi dubium ibi libertas: Where there is doubt, there is freedom.
http://alliedatheistalliance.blogspot.com/