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Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

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Dark Lightning


Guardian85

Quote from: xSilverPhinx on December 19, 2018, 12:48:01 PM
Quote from: Dark Lightning on December 19, 2018, 02:50:30 AM
While it seemed to work well, I personally don't have enough cash flow to put 4 cell phones into some gadget, even above the other development work. Flypaper on the box is in my price range. I loved the fart spray and glitter, though!

Since in Portuguese "ladrão de merda" means lousy or incompetent thief (literally shit thief but without the derogatory homosexual connotations) or shit stealer, I would collect some fresh dog poop, put it in a sealed box along with a message that reads: Ladrão de merda!
Add a firecracker to really spread the shit around.  8)


"If scientist means 'not the dumbest motherfucker in the room,' I guess I'm a scientist, then."
-Unknown Smartass-

xSilverPhinx

Quote from: Guardian85 on December 22, 2018, 05:35:07 PM
Quote from: xSilverPhinx on December 19, 2018, 12:48:01 PM
Quote from: Dark Lightning on December 19, 2018, 02:50:30 AM
While it seemed to work well, I personally don't have enough cash flow to put 4 cell phones into some gadget, even above the other development work. Flypaper on the box is in my price range. I loved the fart spray and glitter, though!

Since in Portuguese "ladrão de merda" means lousy or incompetent thief (literally shit thief but without the derogatory homosexual connotations) or shit stealer, I would collect some fresh dog poop, put it in a sealed box along with a message that reads: Ladrão de merda!
Add a firecracker to really spread the shit around.  8)

That's good, G85, really good!  :devil:
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Dark Lightning

Quote from: Guardian85 on December 22, 2018, 05:35:07 PM
Quote from: xSilverPhinx on December 19, 2018, 12:48:01 PM
Quote from: Dark Lightning on December 19, 2018, 02:50:30 AM
While it seemed to work well, I personally don't have enough cash flow to put 4 cell phones into some gadget, even above the other development work. Flypaper on the box is in my price range. I loved the fart spray and glitter, though!

Since in Portuguese "ladrão de merda" means lousy or incompetent thief (literally shit thief but without the derogatory homosexual connotations) or shit stealer, I would collect some fresh dog poop, put it in a sealed box along with a message that reads: Ladrão de merda!
Add a firecracker to really spread the shit around.  8)

That's nasty, but a fitting punishment!  ;D

Essie Mae

Sorry in advance: more from the 'so bad they're good' class

One day Jesus was delivering a sermon and said, "Verily I say unto you that the path to the Lord lies at y = x squared - 4x + 2."
"What does he mean?" one of the flock asked Peter.
"Don't worry, it's just one of his parabolas."

It gets worse from here; real Christmas cracker territory.

Surgeon: Nurse! have so many patients. Who shall I work on first?
Nurse: Simple: use the order of operations.

Why don't calculus majors throw house parties?
Because you should never drink and derive.

Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.

Helvetia and Times New Roman walk into a bar.
"Get out!" shouted the barman, "We don't serve your type in here."

Did you hear about the mathematician who's so afraid of negative numbers he'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

A man says to his doctor, "Help, I'm addicted to Twitter."
Dr replies, "Sorry, I don't follow you.
Hell is empty and all the devils are here. Wm Shakespeare


No one


xSilverPhinx

I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Tank

If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

xSilverPhinx

Anyone got some good one-liners?

"I really hate Russian Dolls. They're so full of themselves."

"My father has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo."

"A guy walks into a bar. Ouch!"
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Dark Lightning

A termite walks into a pub, says, "Tell me, where is the bartender?".

Essie Mae

Quote from: Dark Lightning on January 10, 2019, 08:30:28 PM
A termite walks into a pub, says, "Tell me, where is the bartender?".
Quote from: Dark Lightning on January 10, 2019, 08:30:28 PM
A termite walks into a pub, says, "Tell me, where is the bartender?".

It took me a while ......... :-)
Hell is empty and all the devils are here. Wm Shakespeare


Tank

Child. Spits out food.
Mother. Don't do that if it's in your mouth you eat it not spit it out!
Father. *raises eyebrows*
Mother. Shut the fuck up you!
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

xSilverPhinx

Quote from: Tank on January 15, 2019, 03:07:07 PM
Child. Spits out food.
Mother. Don't do that if it's in your mouth you eat it not spit it out!
Father. *raises eyebrows*
Mother. Shut the fuck up you!

I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Icarus


hermes2015

"Eventually everything connects - people, ideas, objects. The quality of the connections is the key to quality per se."
― Charles Eames