Figured I should write an intro too...

[Whitney]

I figured this is a good as place as any to introduce myself by explaining why I'm an atheist.  I haven't written it all out yet, so here is my story up to when I officially became agnostic, call it part one or whatever:

I was raised as a christian...believed it blindly (like a child till I was in my pre-teens).  Then became what is referred to in some denominations as born again (I grew up presbyterian and they didn't use that term).  I accepted god with all my heart and felt we had a relationship...I was somewhat of an evangelical but not a fundamentalist.  I believed that God used evolution to create all the life we see today.  I did however think the flood story was probably true, but mainly because I had no reason to think otherwise at that time...true or not, I saw it as a story of god's loving forgiveness and how he gave us a second chance.

That made sense to me for a while, I was able to look over anything bad in the bible because 1) I hadn't really read much of it and 2) I viewed most of the bible as stories which were written to teach a lesson, even if I currently didn't understand the lesson.  I started to view it as my christian duty to actually read the bible because doing so would allow me to bring more people to god.  The more I read the less I started to view the bible as a holy text.  My thoughts towards christianity changed from it being the one true religion to that maybe all religions were correct.  I remained a chrsitian because it worked for me but quit worrying about if others believed the same.  I started viewing jesus more as a symbolic teacher than a savior...although I couldn't have put that into words at the time.  At this point I thought about converting to Judaism but knew that was a very time consuming process and decided god wouldn't care what religion I was anyway.

My pluralistic view of religion led to me not being that concerned about going to church anymore as an obligation to god...I continued going because I like to participate in choir and had some friends there.  My childhood church started breaking up over a monetary dispute (old people wanted to keep the building for sentimental reasons even though it was falling apart, the younger crowd wanted to sell it and build a new building).  I tried joining one of my classmate's churches but soon found my friends at that church were only my friends in church....so the appeal of going to church soon wore off and I quit going.  I was about to go off to college anyway.

So, I get to college.  Well, I forgot to explain what brought me to a pluralistic view of religion...so I'll explain here rather than going back and editing.  At some point I realized that there are a lot more religions in the world other than christians and that each of those religions had people who believed just as deeply and behaved just as morally as christians.  Seeing all these good people, I couldn't imagine a loving god sending them to hell just for not following a particular religion.  So, I decided that all religions, weird to me or not, must be valid paths.  So, back to being in college...I didn't think that much about religion for a couple years.  My current bf and I would have the occasional late night chat centering around if there isn't a god how could anything exist.  Through remembering our discussions I realize that's when I started becoming agnostic.  During those times I'd still try to talk to god and seek guidance...maybe more as a way to self-contemplation that seeking divine guidance, after all I knew not to expect a verbal or obvious reply.  I was never one to actually ask god for things anyway, I figured he was too busy trying to help those in more need than I, but I did occasionally ask..didn't pay much attention to if I got an answer or not...prayer had always been somewhat symbolic to me anyway.

Anyway...I had a deep faith in god even though I questioned...I had to have faith...how else could anything be here?  The universe didn't just poof out of thin air.  But then...how did god get there?  These questions puzzled me...so I started searching for an answer.  My search led me to discussing in some christian chat rooms...none of them or other religious people in those rooms had a very good answer other than god always existed.  It's fine to believe that way, but it didn't really answer my question.   Being in those rooms also gave me my first interactions with atheists.  Needless to say, atheist who hang out in christian chat rooms aren't typically very nice so the way I was taught to view atheists was only further enhanced (atheists are mean, immoral etc).  It wasn't until I met my bf and some of his friends that I started to realize that atheists can and often are good people too.  It is important to point out here that my bf never tried to make me an atheist, I only knew his beliefs from my best friend letting me know he was an atheist, we didn't even discuss religion until I had some questions about atheists I wanted him to answer.  The big question was...where did everything come from?  I don't remember him actually giving me an answer, I think he must have realized the importance of me searching on my own.  I also didn't want to start much of a religious discussion with him because I know that can ruin young relationships.

So, I started reading.  I think I may have thumbed through a couple books he had on the shelf (he has a lot being a philosophy major).  I decided to go to the bookstore to see what sort of books I could find dealing with the god question...so when I found "the question of god" it seemed like a good one...it really helped me put my thoughts together on god.  In the book it compared the writings of C.S. Lewis to Freud.  I will say that it's not the best book comparing the two 'sides' I actually didn't agree with a lot either had to say.  What's interesting looking back is that I wrote little notes next to things in the book...what I was thinking.  If anyone is interested I can try to find the book and type some of my notes into the forum.  Anyway, that book is what made me realize that my beliefs had changed to pure agnosticism...I didn't know if god was real or not and saw no way to answer the question.

I guess that gets through explaining mostly why I'm not religious anymore (I'm sure I left some things out).  It doesn't really answer why I'm an atheist now, but I've grown tired of typing....so, to be continued.

[McWogg]

Hello, enjoyed reading your essay. I've always been an atheist but have been private about it. That's been my choice to be withdrawn. I've only recently really looked into other peoples ideas. I'm 67 and feel angrier as life goes on especially at the sounds of people like George Bush and their teachings. I just read my first real 'atheist' book. Richard Dawkins "The god delusion". It has been a very moving experience and, of course, I'm looking for anything else as interesting and enlightening. The name of the book mentioned is it actually named "The Question of God" ? I really think I want to see that.
thanks for your time, Al Young

[Whitney]

Thanks.

It is called "The Question of God:  C.S. Lewis and Sigmund Freud Debate God, Love, Sex, and the Meaning of Life" and is by Dr. Armand M. Nicholi, Jr.

If you are looking for a good read I'd actually suggest "The Blind Watchmaker" by Dawkins.  Another popular atheist book is called "Atheism: a case against god" by George H. Smith (I haven't read most of it).  I did also like "Critiques of God: Making the case against belief in God" edited by Peter A. Angeles.

[rlrose328]

I'm so glad this moved to the top again so latecomers like me could read it.  That's a great bio, Laetus... Your journey sounds much like mine except for the evangelical, I truly believed at one point... Well, SOME of it sounds like me.  The reading and realizing part.

Anyway, I'm glad to have read it.  :-)